“Better than any Jackson Pollack I’ve ever seen,” Yak murmurs, now at my side, his fingers running through his release, spreading it across my toned chest and abs. He gathers some, traces my bottom lip, before resting his thumb on Sophia’s lips. She opens her mouth and sucks on his thumb, humming contentedly when his taste registers. He grins with a happy glint in his eye, swooping down to steal a kiss from me and then stands. “15 minutes. Chop, chop.”
Sophia mumbles, “I don’t wanna.”
“It’s our first family breakfast together.”
She lifts her head and glares at Yak like an angry kitten. “I really don’t wanna. My sisters are mean and invasive, and no one knows what boundaries are or respects them.”
“I know, should be lots of fun.” Yak turns on his heel and walks toward the bathroom. His muscular ass flexing atop tree-trunk thighs. I peek at Sophia and find her staring too. We shrug unashamed.
She pouts while I help her to her feet and lead her to the bathroom to join Yak. “They are going to harsh my buzz.”
“That’s how they show their love.”
The bathroom is already filling with steam when we enter. “I’ll show my love again to the first one to join me in the shower.” With a cackle worthy of any movie villain, Sophia pushes me into the wall and rushes to enter the shower. That’s ok, watching the two of them together is a delectable consolation prize.
23 minutes and another pleasurable orgasm for each of us, we enter the compound dining room hand in hand in hand. I am not a staple at Monday morning mishpocheh breakfasts, but I have attended my fair share over the years.
The excited chatter between family and friends ceases the moment we cross the threshold. Dozens of eyes on the three of us, mouths open in shock, a couple pieces of cutlery clattering on plates. Sophia gasps audibly, shrinking back and hiding behind Yak and me, still holding our hands. I straighten my shoulders and glare at the usual suspects, daring anyone to make our girl uncomfortable.
“Well, I’ll be…” Suzie, Seril’s mom says with a smirk, leaning into her boyfriend Hank’s side. “The turkeys finally added the stuffing.” My brain stutters, trying to process her words. Everyone slowly turns to stare at Suzie, thankfully, taking the attention off Sophia. She pushes between us, her face scrunching in confusion, her shyness forgotten. Releasing her hand, I rest my arm over her shoulders, Yak’s arm winding around her waist.
“Uh…come again?” Hank asks Suzie. She starts laughing, pointing at the three of us.
“I’d say they’ve come several times.”
“Mom, why did you call them turkeys?”
“Seril, honey, I raised you better than this.” Suzie points at Yak, “White meat.” She points at me, “Dark meat.” Then she points at Sophia. “Stuffing.” Suzie blinks rapidly, deflating with a frown. “Wait. The white meat and dark meat make sense, but Sophia isn’t stuffing, she’s being stuffed.”
“Moving pastfowlpuns…” Zilv pauses with a grin for everyone to groan. “I still don’t understand how you two weren’t already dating.”
“What?” Esther and her sisters squawk at once. “You and Monty aren’t a couple?”
Gertie snorts, “We shipped you two years ago.”
“A little Oreo swirl action—”
Jonah stands abruptly, his chair falling to the floor. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE! Mother!” Sarah stares at her son. “It was you!”
She sniffs haughtily. “I have no idea what you are referring to.”
Jonah’s whiney voice grates on me until I register his words. “You wrote an anonymous email to Swingin’ Schlay requesting a series about muscular interracial gay couples called Oreo Swirl.” If I thought the room was silent when we walked in a few moments ago…you can hear Jonah’s balls shrivel until they ascend back into his body.
“It was anonymous until right now.” Gertie and Esther bitch and now Tevye’s, Zilv’s, and Moshe’s balls have left the conversation as well.
Harper starts giggling, then throws her head back and howls, slapping her hand on the table. “I told you not to kink shame the elderly!” Her husband is unimpressed, as are his mom and aunts.
“Harper, we like you, but I warned you not to refer to us as elderly.” Esther remarks casually, her voice threaded with the steel of the previous Sarai Ima.
Harper swallows hard. “I’m sorry, but his discomfort is so delicious.”
“I am your husband!” Jonah bitches, dropping into his seat and pouting at his wife.
“Fix your marriage on your own time, I want to hear more about this.” Blanche nods toward us, still standing awkwardly in the doorway of the dining room. “So, Sophia…has your cherry been dipped in chocolate yet?” Yak growls at Blanche but she doesn’t care. I urge Sophia further into the room, Yak and I guiding her to a seat, and taking the ones on either side of her.
Seril, bless her heart, moves the conversation along, ignoring Blanche. “What do we call you? You aren’t a couple.” She taps her finger against her lips. “Throuple? Triad?”
“Can’t use triad.” Moshe corrects automatically, trying to get the spoon in his son’s mouth, though Shon seems determined to wear it instead.
