There was a long pause while they both considered his words. Annabel could hear her pulse start to thump in her ears.
‘I just don’t know if I’m cut out for the whole marriage-and-kids thing,’ he eventually managed. ‘I’m sorry, babe, I know that’s not what you want to hear. You’ve always wanted the white wedding and the two point four kids, but I don’t know if that’s what I want.’
‘So where does that leave us?’ she asked quietly.
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe we should use this time apart to think about what we both really want. I don’t want to hurt you, Annie, I love you.’
‘And I love you too.’ She smiled through unshed tears. ‘And that’s enough, Luke. All that other stuff, the wedding, the kids – none of it matters, I just want to be with you.’
He smiled back sadly. ‘Oh, but itwillmatter, Annie, one day. You’ll end up resenting me for stopping you from having all of that. And that’s not fair, on me or on you.’
She cleared away the pizza boxes and washed the wine glasses. Then she went upstairs, telling Luke that she was tired. He said he’d follow her up shortly, but as she reached the landing, she heard the clink of the whisky bottle. She got undressed and dropped the red lingerie into the laundry bin. So much for a night of passion.
When he finally came to bed later, he rolled over to her side and spooned himself around her. He kissed the back of her neck and whispered, ‘I do love you, Annie.’
She let the silent tears trickle down her cheek and onto the pillow and pretended to be asleep. Tomorrow, she was heading to Dotty’s and she couldn’t wait. She was sure that things would feel better after a good dose of fresh air, bracing beach walks and Cornish cream teas with her dear granny.
*
Luke was up before her the next morning and on his best behaviour, it seemed. He busied around the kitchen, making fresh coffee and her favourite bacon and poached eggs on toast. Annabel did her best to match his cheerfulness, fighting the dull ache that she felt inside.
‘Send Dotty my love, won’t you,’ he said when it was time for her to leave. Annabel managed a smile and a nod, then gave him a brief kiss on the lips.
‘Good luck with work,’ she told him. ‘I hope you get it all finished on time.’ Her eyes suddenly filled with tears now that the moment of parting was upon them.
‘Oh, you soppy thing!’ he teased. ‘Come here!’ With that, he pulled her into his arms and enveloped her in a bear hug. She breathed in his scent and enjoyed the feeling of fitting perfectly against his body, his chin resting on the top of her head. He rubbed her back, kissing her hair.
‘It’s only Cornwall, Annie, not Antarctica!’ he joked, making her laugh. ‘And it’s only three weeks; you’ll be back before you know it. And don’t worry, we’ll figure everything out.’
Unlike the previous trip, the roads were quiet this morning and Annabel made good progress. She let herself cry as she left the city and headed up through Lansdown towards the M4, and it felt good to get it out of her system. Despite trying to carry on as normal this morning, she was still feeling crushed by Luke’s news last night. Did they have a future together, or was this the beginning of the end? She felt like he was pulling the rug from under their safe, happy life and it made her feel anxious.
The journey passed quickly, with a couple of stops for coffee near Taunton and fuel near Exeter. Soon, she found herself turning into the familiar driveway to Penrose Farm. Annabel smiled and felt the usual, soothing sense of calm. She had made the right decision to come here. A bit of time apart from Luke was exactly what they both needed to re-evaluate things. Part of her hoped that she would return from this trip to his loving, open arms and his declaration that he had missed herso much that he couldn’t imagine a future without her. But the other, more pragmatic part of her knew that ignoring the fact that they wanted different things out of life would just prolong the inevitable.
As soon as she opened the car door, she heard a dog barking; an urgent, frantic sound. Annabel knew instantly that something was wrong. She took out her keys and let herself in through the front door. Monty bounded up to her, clearly upset and agitated.
‘Dotty?’ Annabel called, a sense of panic rising in her. She waited a moment for a response, but there was none. Quickly, she checked the hallway and sitting room before making her way into the kitchen.
There, on the tiled floor, was the crumpled figure of her dear grandmother.
CHAPTER 4
Cornwall
Saturday 23rd March, 2019
Annabel sat at the side of the hospital bed, gently stroking her grandmother’s hand. She was so deeply asleep and looked so tiny and fragile that, at first, Annabel had feared the worst. But the steady beeping of the monitor in the background reassured her otherwise.
There was something fundamentally wrong about seeing Dotty like this. She had always been so vital, so alive, that her current, diminished state made no sense to Annabel. With her left wrist in a plaster cast, she reminded her of a little sparrow she’d once found in her garden. It had a broken wing and couldn’t fly, so Annabel had put it safely in a cardboard box in the shed and had taken care of it until it was strong enough to take off again. She hoped and prayed that she could nurse Dotty back to full strength, too.
The nurse had explained that Dotty had broken her wrist and cracked a rib when she fell. They were giving her morphine for the pain and it was giving her ‘a good sleep’. The nurse was a kindly lady in her fifties, with short blonde curly hair and a round, smiling face. She’d introduced herself as Sue and patted Annabel’s arm sympathetically, telling her not to worry. The kind gesture nearly had her in tears. ‘People don’tmake it to a hundred without a bit of fighting spirit,’ Sue had said in her lilting Cornish accent. ‘Your granny’s a fighter, my love, and I’m sure she’ll be awake again soon and glad to see your pretty face!’
As she sat there, sipping a vending-machine coffee and chatting to the sleeping Dotty as Nurse Sue had suggested, Annabel’s mind went back to those awful moments after her arrival. She had made her grandmother as comfortable as possible and telephoned for an ambulance. After that, she had called Dotty’s friend, Pam in the post office, to let her know what had happened and to ask her to take care of Monty.
‘Iknewsomething wasn’t quite right,’ Pam had said on the phone, sounding worried. ‘Eleven o’clock and there’d been no sign of her. You can set your watch by your granny; she comes in every day at ten thirty on the dot for her newspaper, come hell or high water! I tried the house phone first and when there was no answer I knew something must be up. So I was going to ask my Paul to keep an eye on the shop when he got back, so I could go up and check, but he was running late! Thank goodness you arrived when you did, Annabel!’
And now it was a waiting game. There was nothing else to do but stroke her beloved grandmother’s hand as she prayed for her recovery. She wasn’t naive enough to think that Dotty would live forever. She thanked her lucky stars that she’d had her in her life until now; most of her friends had few, if any, grandparents still living. But the thought of her not being around anymore filled Annabel with an overwhelming sense of dread.
Needing some comfort and the sound of a friendly voice, she stepped out of the ward and went outside into the hospital car park to ring Luke. Regardless of what issues were going on between them, he knew how much Dotty meant to her, and hewas always a source of reassurance and support when times were tough. But his phone was switched off. Her stomach gave an anxious somersault and she felt the icy chill of being alone. Was this a premonition of things to come? Instead, she rang her dad, needing to hear his comforting voice and reassure herself that he was alright after his hip surgery. At the sound of his voice, she dissolved into tears.
