‘Full House?’ Seb rolls his eyes. ‘Never mind that! The point is we need to listen to Mum now. We need to hear her out.’
‘I am hearing her out, Seb!’ Tilly is hot-cheeked, her eyes dancing. ‘I just don’t understand! I don’t underst—’ Her voice cracks and she looks at her mum with desperate eyes. She’s imploring her mum to take the words back. When Pauline reaches for her hand, Tilly pulls away. ‘I don’t know if I can . . . I don’t know how to . . .’ She doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence. There is a noise out in the hallway: the loud slam of a front door.
‘Honey, I’m home!’ John calls out in a happy, sing-song voice. He appears moments later in the kitchen doorway, looking around him with surprise. ‘Tilly! Seb! You’re here, are you? How nice.’ He looks to his wife, not sensing the room’s strange atmosphere. ‘Although it’s getting a bit late, you should probably head off home. Where’s my dinner, eh, Paula?’
Pauline stands up now, facing him, looking at him properly for what feels like the first time. ‘It’s Pauline,’ she says, thatrebellious feeling bubbling up inside her again. And this time she’s holding on to those bubbles for dear life.
He barks a laugh at this. ‘Huh. I haven’t heard that name in a few years,’ he says dryly.
‘Pauline?!’ Seb repeats, sounding baffled. ‘Who’s Pauline?’
‘It’s me,’ his mum says. ‘It’s my name. Your dad made me change it.’
Tilly’s mouth falls open. She’s looking between her parents as if seeing them for the first time. ‘What? What are you talking about? Why would he do that?’
Pauline had thought she was ready to be Paula again. She thought she had no choice. But she got it wrong. She does have a choice but thereisonly one option she’s ready to take: the option of not letting John have her again. She can’t. She can’t go back. She can never go back. Her chest is tight and heaving.
John laughs again now, a heaviness to the sound. ‘Oh shut up, Paula, you’re being ridiculous.’
Seb takes a step forward. He looks furious. ‘Youshut up, Dad,’ he says with steel in his voice. Then he walks over to Pauline, threading his fingers through hers and squeezing her hand.
Pauline squeezes it back, feeling his strength and resolve pulsing through her. ‘John, we’re over,’ she says, and he gapes at her as she adds, ‘I’m leaving you.’
There is silence in the room as the four of them all regard one another in shock.
At last John speaks. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Paula,’ he scoffs, sounding uncertain. ‘We’ll talk about this later.’ He moves towards her, and Seb steps forward now, blocking his path. He stares at his father for a few seconds, then turns back to his mum.
‘He faked it, didn’t he?’ He frowns at her. ‘His so-called death? The car accident? His disappearance? All of it? It was horseshit, wasn’t it? I’m right, aren’t I?’ Pauline looks up at her son in wonder as he continues furiously, ‘None of it made any sense. I knew it didn’t make sense! And we all just lapped up the lies – the excuses.’
Tilly stares at her brother. ‘No!’ she says in a whisper, but there are no more words from her after that. More seconds pass. More silence stretches out into oblivion. And then at last Tilly turns away from her family, walks out of the room and out of the house. She’s gone.
John stares at Pauline. There is a second where she thinks he might hit her. And then she sees him for what he really is: a fearful, snivelling little coward.
All she sees on his face now is weakness.
His expression changes as he sees what she sees, and he turns on his heel. Following in Tilly’s wake, he leaves the front door banging on its hinges, leaving Pauline and Seb standing alone in the kitchen.
‘Well done, Mum,’ Seb says cheerfully after a moment, then turns to her with a lopsided grin. ‘Do you want to come play Mario Kart on my Nintendo?’
41
Pauline wakes up with a start, feeling discombobulated.
It takes her a minute to remember – not only what’s happened – but where she is. She’s in Tilly’s old bedroom. She slept in here, on the off chance that John might come home last night.
He didn’t.
And she couldn’t care less.Hopefully he’s gone back to Austria, she thinks.
Either way, it won’t stop them putting Teddy’s plan into action.
She retrieves her dressing gown, pulling the cord tight around her middle and heading downstairs to make a cup of tea.
‘Mum?’ Seb is waiting at the foot of the stairs and beckons her to follow him into the kitchen. Tilly is waiting there at the table.
She doesn’t look like she’s slept. Her eyes are red-rimmed and bloodshot. If Pauline didn’t know any better, she’d think her daughter had got into Seb’s marijuana shed stash.
‘Are you OK?’ she asks her softly and Tilly nods. After a moment she asks it back.
