‘What?’ Pauline sits up straight. What’s he talking about? ‘Not another press conference!’
He laughs. ‘No, of course not!’ he says. ‘It’s your mates! I know they’ve been trying to speak to you since Dad’s reincarnation and you’ve kept ignoring them.’ He shakes his head disapprovingly. ‘Now, I don’t want to interfere, but I really liked that lot.’ He pauses. ‘And Ireallyliked Teddy’s apartment. That was super cool. I want a go in that outdoor roof terrace pool at some point.’ Pauline laughs affectionately as he continues, ‘Look, I don’t know what’s gone down between you lot, but they’re your friends, OK? I don’t believe they could’ve done anything you can’t get past. You have to forgive them. You need them around.’
Pauline considers this. Seb thinks she should forgive them? Seb can see she needs them.
She realises then that she has already forgiven Audrey. It took her a few days – those long days in a hotel bed spent feeling oh-so sorry for herself – but she has definitely forgiven her. In hindsight, it hardly feels like there was anything toforgive. Audrey gave her so much. So what if the reason they met wasn’t the reason she thought? She can more than understand the impulse to protect her children.
Pauline sighs. ‘I think they’re the ones who probably need to forgiveme,’ she mumbles, looking down at her hands. She thinks of the tantrum she threw over Audrey’s confession and flushes with shame. She thinks of all those mean things she shouted and how she stormed out of the flat. How she’s ignored all their messages and phone calls. They’ll probably never want to speak to her again.
‘Rubbish,’ Seb says happily. ‘Ivy isdesperateto hear from you. She says she misses you like crazy.’
‘You’ve spoken to Ivy?’
A hint of redness blooms on Seb’s cheekbones. ‘Er . . . yeah, a bit, yeah. I got her number at Teddy’s apartment that day . . . just to, like, swap some info about her cool band T-shirts.’ His eyes get wide and faux innocent. ‘Anyway, she told me they’ve been trying to get hold of you and you’re being really stubborn about it.’ He pauses. ‘She’s really nice, isn’t she?’ He scrunches up his nose. ‘Actually, Mum, please forgive me for this. I’d hate for you to feel ambushed again, but they’re all waiting for you in my shed. Like, right now. Audrey’s been playing on my Nintendo. She’s ruining all my high scores.’
Despite herself, this makes Pauline laugh, then gasp. ‘They’re here? Outside, now?’ She is breathless as he nods. She leaps up, excitement filling her stomach. Her friends are here. They’re really here. Oh God, she’s missed them so much.
Leaving Seb in the kitchen, she rushes out into the garden. She laughs hysterically when she sees the clown car of a shed full of Audrey, Teddy and Ivy. ‘Room for one more?’ she asks and they collectively throw open their arms.
‘Pauline!’ Ivy cries, and bursts into tears.
‘Babe!’ Teddy grins widely, while Audrey smiles shyly.
‘Please say you’ve forgiven me, my darling,’ she asks, not waiting for a response before pulling her into a cuddle.
Pauline takes a moment before responding. She considers everything Audrey must’ve dealt with. How she coped, knowing Harold had done what he’d done, and then knowing her daughter had done what she’d done. Her friend must’ve been so frightened, thinking someone was going to knock on the door at any moment and take her child away. She inhales deeply.
‘Oh Audrey, I’m so sorry, too!’ Pauline cries. ‘I understand why you did what you did. I’d do anything for my children, too. You must’ve been so scared when Nina did . . . what she did.’ She draws back, finding a spot where she can just about perch on the edge of Seb’s tiny single bed. ‘And if Columbo ever does come to see me about Harry – about Harold – I promise you I won’t say a word about your daughter. Not about any of it.’
Audrey looks like she wants to cry. ‘I want you to know I am not the same as John,’ she says fiercely. ‘I feel so awful about what I did; I have this whole time. I’m so sorry for lying to you. To you all. I know you felt manipulated, and I completely understand why, but everything I said and did once we metwasreal. I really do love you all.’ She squeezes Pauline’s hand. ‘And I swear I’m not here to check up on your bloody witness account! I didn’t come here to make sure you won’t say anything. I just came to say sorry again and make sure you knew I meant it.’ She pauses, then adds hastily, ‘But thank you for saying that about Nina, my darling, that means the world to me.’
They smile at one another, then reach around in a circle to hold hands. After a minute, Teddy clears her throat.
‘Pauline, we have to get you away from John.’
Pauline hangs her head. ‘I know,’ she whispers. ‘But I also don’t know if I can.’ She swallows hard. ‘He knows. John knows about the three of you, about our club, about what you all did.’ She looks up and around, eyes desperate. ‘When I thought he was dead, I wrote an email . . . I told him. I told him . . . Gosh, I’m sorry, I’msosorry—’
‘Shush, shush,’ Audrey scolds her quietly as Ivy squeezes Pauline’s hand. ‘Don’t do that, it’s not your fault.’ They fall silent again, and Pauline knows with certainty that itisher fault. She has trapped her friends and she has trapped herself. Even as a ghost, John wasn’t someone she should’ve ever trusted.
Teddy leans in, almost knocking over an old kettle plugged into the extension lead. ‘Actually, I think I have a way to solve all of this. A way to fix all our problems.’
Ivy makes a noise. ‘Oh, Teddy, not murder again? Please don’t say murder.’
‘No,’ Teddy laughs as Pauline sighs with relief. ‘I think we can all agree that we’re not really murderers.’
‘I am,’ Ivy says gravely.
Audrey squeezes her hand. ‘Yes, very well done, my darling. Your husband deserved it and there would be a strong argument for self-defence anyway. Oh, and if you do go to jail, you’re only twenty-seven! You’ll be out before you’re even Teddy’s age.’
Teddy waves her sunglasses in the air. ‘Nothing much happens in your thirties, babe. You might as well skip it. Your forties are the best decade.’
Ivy laughs at this as Pauline adds quickly, ‘But you don’t need to worry about any of that because no one will find out!’ She reaches for Ivy’s hand. ‘And it was just a one-off, wasn’t it? One moment of fury, buried in a lifetime of helping people, not hurting them.’
Ivy nods, squeezing Pauline’s hand.
‘And goodness, we weresorubbish at murder!’ Pauline exclaims, thinking back to their various attempts. All that planning, all the big, brave, vaguely psychopathic talk, and none of them had it in them. She smiles warmly at the group, then turns to Teddy. ‘So what’s your non-murder plan then?’
Teddy shakes her head, jangling huge pink diamond earrings. Pauline tries to focus on what her friend is saying and not obsess over the way her hair bounces lightly around her shoulders. She never did send Pauline a link to the shampoo she uses.
