‘Is smallify a word?’ Ivy asks curiously.
‘Either way,’ Paula tries to retrieve the conversation thread. ‘I’m not sure you’ll be able to get a freezer bag over his head. That barely looks big enough to suffocate an ear.’
Audrey holds the bag up to the moonlight to examine it. ‘Perhaps you’re right,’ she acknowledges. ‘So we need a bigger, head-sized freezer bag.’
‘I don’t think he has any of those.’ Ivy is peering into the open drawer. It is mostly tinfoil and a collection of wooden spoons.
‘What about one of those on-the-spot delivery services?’ Audrey looks inspired. ‘You can get a Tesco Whoosh delivery, can’t you? We could have head-sized freezer bags here in under twenty minutes.’
‘Is that the same as Sainsbury’s Chop Chop service?’ Ivy asks as Paula blinks at them both in confusion.
‘Hold on!’ Something has dawned on Paula and horror creeps up her spine. ‘Er, where is Teddy?’ Audrey spins on her heels, scanning the room in a panic. No sign of Teddy. She turns back and the three of them all stare at each other with fear.
‘She wouldn’t?’ Ivy breathes in a low voice. ‘She can’t have gone in there on her own? She wouldn’t do it without us . . .’
They move as one, in a blur, Audrey still clinging on to the too-small freezer bag. It’s dark as they run through rooms,trying to find the bedroom. Paula quickly loses her way. She spins around, trying to work out where she is and where Ivy and Audrey have gone. She can hear noises around her. A loud thump. Someone nearby is groaning. Her heart is banging loudly in her chest now as she turns one direction, then another. Terror makes her fast but confused, and she finds herself circling an unfamiliar space. Her knee hits something soft. A sofa! She’s in the living room. Where is everyone else? The groaning gets louder. Who is that? Teddy? Audrey? Ivy? Could it be . . . Dominic? Where ishe? He must’ve heard them by now. Has he got one of her friends? Is he hurting them? Is he calling the police? Shouldtheycall the police?
Paula swallows hard, her heartbeat pounding out of her chest. Retracing her steps, she finds the groaner. It’s Ivy. She’s on the ground in the hallway, bathed in dim moonlight.
‘I tripped,’ she says simply.
‘Are you all right?’ Paula’s voice is high and scared. ‘We have to find the others. We have to get out of here!’ She reaches for Ivy’s hand, and the younger woman winces.
‘I think I’ve sprained my ankle.’
‘Can you walk at all?’ Paula asks, looping an arm under Ivy’s to take her weight.
‘I think so. But where are the others?’
‘I don’t know,’ Paula whispers back, her heart beating faster again.
Suddenly, the overhead light floods on.
‘There you both are!’ Teddy calls out down the hallway in a loud voice. Ivy and Paula stare at her, frozen. Audrey appears at Teddy’s shoulder, looking dazed.
‘What’s happening?’ She looks up at Teddy. ‘Did you leave us? Did you put the light on? Is he dead?’
‘Nope,’ Teddy says and Paula wonders which question she’s answering. She blinks around her at the suddenly bright space. Audrey approaches, noticing Ivy’s injury. ‘Oh my darling! Are you OK?’
‘I slipped on a step,’ Ivy replies. ‘It was my fault.’
‘What is a bungalow doing with a bloody step anyway?’ Teddy mutters. ‘The whole point is that they don’t have steps, surely.’
Audrey frowns, pulling off her own booties. ‘It’s not your fault, Ivy! Nothing is your fault. It’s these bloody shoe things! Do you think I can return them to Amazon? They’re a hazard! I will be leaving a strongly-worded three-star review.’
‘Three stars?’ Ivy smiles through her pain.
‘Well, I don’t want to damage anyone’s reputation,’ Audrey explains. ‘You hear so much about cancel culture these days, don’t you? I wouldn’t want to be part of anyone getting a cancellation.’ She considers this. ‘So maybe I should give them four stars? Maybe four and a half? What do you all think?’
Teddy shakes her head. ‘So you have no problem bashing someone’s head in and getting brain matter on yourself, but you don’t want an online bootie company to be at risk of gettingcancelled? An internet term that is mostly made up and never really happens?’
‘Humans are complicated,’ Audrey shrugs. ‘And I will certainly flag how absurdly slippery the boots are in the comment section.’ She pauses, remembering where they are and why they’re here. ‘Hold on, what’s going on? Shouldn’t we be making a run for it?’
It is Teddy’s turn to shrug. ‘Nah. He’s not here.’
‘Not here?’ Ivy bleats, sounding upset. ‘How can you be sure?’
‘Well,’ Teddy begins slowly, ‘my first clue was when you lot all started shouting at each other about freezer bags and the size of Dominic Shipman’s head. There was absolutely no chance anyone would sleep through that – not even an unconscious drunk – so I made an educated guess and went to have a look in the bedroom. No sign of the Evil Bastard. Bed hasn’t been slept in. So I thought it might be easier to just put the light on, since we’ve made such a hash of things here anyway.’
