Her long-term ex-boyfriend—that one still stung.
After six years, he hadn’t even had the decency to break up with her. She’d walked in on him accidentally, in the apartment in Boston where he resided and where she spent as much time as she could, given her busy tour schedule.
She tried not to think about how happy she’d been a year ago, when the steps of her future seemed to be falling in line. At the time, it had felt more like a ladder she was methodically climbing than a row of dominoes, just waiting to be toppled.
Her plan had been to give tennis her all for the next threeyears, after which she’d retire from the pro circuit and move back to Boston to be with Grant full-time.
They’d start trying for a family, and eventually, she wanted them to move back to Stoneport.
It was easier not to think about when life had been going well, when her ex’s betrayal had felt like a survivable blip on her way to something greater.
Now, with her life in shambles, it had seeped into the edges of her consciousness, her mind picking at it like a scab she couldn’t let heal.
“I can see it on your face,” Hallie said. “You’re spiraling.”
It was only then Sydney became aware of how hard her fingertips were digging into the back of her neck, like she was trying to massage the thoughts out of her.
She dropped her hand back into her lap. “I’m not spiraling.”
Top professional athletes with years of mental conditioning didn’tspiral. They formulated a plan and then got back to work.
So why,why, couldn’t she make herself do just that?
Professional tennis was done. Grant was definitely done. There was nothing for her in Boston or Florida.
Her parents, well intentioned though they were, had started to give her alook, like they were growing concerned about her mental health.
Well, they could join the club.
So she’d packed a bag and bought a one-way ticket to New England, intent on staying for at least a few weeks.
It’s not like she had anywhere else to be.
Everything in Florida reminded her of the life she’d lost. She’d wake up in her bed, muscles already stretching out in anticipation of her morning workout, only to realize there was no reason to head to the court.
And her specialized diet? Now pointless. At least her second-chance romance with M&M’s was a bright spot on an otherwise bleak horizon.
She’d let Sara, her agent, know that she was goingincommunicado, with the promise she wouldn’t be caught in any compromising positions. Sara seemed to believe that there would be life after professional tennis, in terms of possible sponsorships and job opportunities, but Sydney didn’t have the mental fortitude to consider that right now.
Even if she could conceive of her new reality, it felt almost impossible to feel excited about it.
“You can stay here as long as you need. Coming back here to reset was the right choice. It’s a good plan,” Hallie stressed.
Sydney pulled her blanket more tightly around her. “That was something day-one me told you. I’m now day-four me, and things are different. I’m a woman changed by the brutality of the world.” But she had to give her friend credit for being such an active listener this past week.
Hallie lifted an eyebrow. “Three days to complete defeat, King? That doesn’t sound like the person I used to know. You competed in our final tennis match of the sophomore season when you had that horrible flu.” It was the last match she’d competed in at the high school level before starting full-time, private training at the Manhaven Tennis Center.
She shuddered, feeling like she could still taste the awful tinge in her mouth from all those years ago.
“And how’d that go?” Hallie pushed, ignoring Sydney’s obvious unwillingness to participate in this pep talk.
Sydney muttered something unintelligible, sinking impossibly lower into the couch.
Hallie moved closer to her, standing above Sydney with her hands on her hips. “What’s that again?”
When theincidentin question had happened, she’d been starting to get interest in colleges, and clinching the top spot and an undefeated season at a school like Stoneport was exactly the feather in her cap that she needed to start realizing her dreams.
“I won,” she admitted, loud enough for Hallie to hear this time.
