Mired in his doubts and fears, trying desperately to fight them, Eiri didn’t hear the door open and close. He didn’t even register anyone else in the room until a shadow blocked the dim magelights and he looked up to see Syrus standing there, concerned.
“Is everything alright? The ambassador seemed pretty upset when he left. I had to get my sister to quit talking long enough to escape and get here,” he said, squatting down so they were at eye level. “Was he truly that upset we didn’t tell him our plan?”
He seemed so earnest. There didn’t appear to be deceit in his dark eyes when Eiri looked at him, but could he risk everything on his ability to read the intentions of a man he’d hated just a few weeks ago?
“Hey.” Syrus laid his hand over Eiri’s, and he realized hehadn’t said a word since Syrus had walked in. He knew he wasn’t controlling his emotions like he should, his doubts too raw and fresh, and Syrus cursed quietly. “What did he say? No going back, remember?”
“He called me a traitor.” The words were out before he could stop them. Of everything Kien had said to him, that hurt the worst.
“You know that’s not true, though. The clothes are just temporary until we can decide what our next step is.”
“And if there is no next step?”
Syrus frowned. “Eiri, I promised you that we would figure this out, and I’m not going back on my word. We’ll figure out how to make this work.”
“Why did you change your mind?” He could no longer control the chaos in his head, all his questions spilling to the forefront, and he couldn’t keep them back any longer.
“Change my mind? About what?” Syrus gently squeezed Eiri’s hands, but rather than comfort him, a shudder ran up Eiri’s spine and he pulled his hands free, earning another confused frown from Syrus.
“About me,” he said. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep from flying apart. “You hated me, but one talk with your cousin changed your mind? You despise who and what I am, so what really changed?”
“I already told you. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting and having to watch my back. You told me you felt the same. Don’t let whatever the ambassador said undo all the progress we’ve made, Eiri. Please.”
“You didn’t have anything to lose, though,” Eiri said, shaking his head and plowing through like Syrus hadn’t spoken those last words. “You could have ignored me forever, and your life would never have changed. Helping me only hurts you. Why would you risk your own comfort for me?” He locked eyes withSyrus, forcing himself not to react to the confusion and hurt he saw there. “Can you look me in the eye and swear that you had no other reason, no ulterior motive? Can you promise me that you came to me that morning only to make peace, not to save your own skin?”
If he hadn’t been watching Syrus so closely, searching his eyes for the truth, he would have missed the flicker of guilt and shame, there and gone in less than a second. Hewaswatching, though, and he didn’t miss it.
Kien’s accusations earlier had fallen like blows, blunt punches that stole his breath. This, though…
Betrayal didn’t hit like a hammer. It slipped in like a knife, angling between his ribs and up into his heart, stealing not his breath, but the very lifeblood of him. Everything went dark around the edges, and he felt something snap within him, leaving him alone and adrift.
“Eiri…” Syrus reached for him again, but Eiri pulled away, nearly falling off the back of the divan. Syrus lowered his hand, a flicker of something in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else. He didn’t need to. He knew the truth and now Eiri knew it, too. It was all a lie. Everything. Every smile, every shared meal, every kiss… all a lie.
Eiri’s stomach clenched and he stumbled to his feet, shoving away the hand that came up to steady him, sending Syrus stumbling back.
“Don’t touch me,” he spat.
“Eiri, let me explain,” Syrus protested, but Eiri shook his head. He couldn’t hear it. Not right now, with betrayal bleeding him dry and revulsion curdling his stomach. When Syrus tried to move closer to him, Eiri took a step back, putting distance between them.
“There’s nothing to explain. You lied to me. End of story.”
“Can we talk about this after the party? We need to get backout there before anyone notices us missing. We’ll get through the evening, then?—”
“You must be joking,” Eiri laughed, the sound raw and ragged. “I’m not going back out there.”
“Eiri, if we have any chance of appeasing the queen, we have to finish the night. Please.” Syrus didn’t reach for him again, at least, but Eiri still took another step back.
“What was the point of all this? To get me to trust you? Because you and I both know that no one here will ever accept me, least of all your mother.” The high neck of the jacket he wore seemed to tighten, choking him, a collar marking him as Syrus’ property. It was all he could do not to rip every stitch of it off him. “Were you just playing nice to get me to agree to this? Until, bit by bit, you stripped me of everything that I truly am?”
“No!” Syrus shook his head and took a half-step closer, checking himself when Eiri immediately moved away. “Maybe it started like that, but that’s not what I want anymore. You have to believe me.”
“No. No, I really don’t. I did that once and look where it got us.” He yanked at the collar of the jacket, popping one of the buttons, but all that mattered was that he could breathe a little easier. “I’m done, Syrus. With you and your entire backward, greedy, scheming cesspit of a country. I refuse to live like this anymore. I’mdone.”
Syrus tried to stop him, reaching for his arm, but Eiri had always been faster. He easily slipped past him and out into the hallway, breaking into a run the moment he was out of sight of the grand ballroom. Distantly, he could hear the staccato rap of boots on tile somewhere behind him, but he’d evaded Syrus for the last ten years and he would do it again now.
He ran blindly, slowing down only when he passed the occasional guard in the corridors. Most of the security centered on the ballroom, as the entire royal family was in attendance,but the personal quarters weren’t left completely unguarded, and the last thing he needed was to give the soldiers a reason to stop him.
Only when he no longer heard Syrus behind him did he slow down. His breath sawed in and out of his lungs and tears blurred his vision, much to his disgust. Bad enough he’d let himself fall for the lies of a Vaetrean. He couldn’t let himself give in to the grief threatening to take hold.
