“In all honesty, I’m still trying to figure everything out myself,” he admitted. When Eiri’s brow furrowed in question, Syrus shrugged helplessly. “My mother was very specific about her demands, and I’ve never gone against her. She’s not only my mother, but my queen. I’ve been taught since birth to obey her, and I have. I’ve followed orders and never questioned why she had me do certain things.”
“So, what changed for you?” Eiri asked, echoing Syrus’ earlier question.
“Talking to you. Getting to know you.”
“You spent one day with me, and that was enough to make you turn on your queen?” Eiri asked, skeptical, and Syrus shook his head.
“Not turn on her, no. I’m not sure I could ever do that. Butspending time with you and seeing how your people are treated here made me think. Most of my initial reactions to you were based on what I’ve always been taught about your people. Some came from how often you fought me and evaded my traps, of course,” he added, pleased when he saw Eiri’s lips quirk in the tiniest smile. “I know now that most of it was based on assumptions I’d made before I knew anything about you, and it got me wondering if the same thing is affecting my mother’s actions concerning you.”
“We have our own ideas of Vaetreans back home, things that have been pushed into our heads since we were little. Perhaps Kien is just as biased as your mother, and that’s why he said those things?” There was an almost desperate hope in Eiri’s voice, like he needed to believe the words.
“That’s likely the case,” Syrus nodded. “I know we both still have a long way to go before we can trust each other, but we can’t let other people change our minds and set us back. It’s hard when it’s people we love and trust, but there’s no other way we can make this work between us. I don’t want to keep fighting you, Eiri, and I don’t want you to change.”
“I’m so tired of fighting,” Eiri breathed, and Syrus couldn’t have stopped himself from responding to that pain in his voice even if he’d wanted to. He crossed the final few inches between them and pulled Eiri into his arms.
The other man tensed, instincts probably flaring up, telling him Syrus was a threat, but only for a moment. A shudder ran down the length of Eiri’s body, then he collapsed against Syrus’ broad chest. Eiri stood a few inches taller than him, but Syrus made it work, using his hard-earned strength to hold Eiri as he fell apart.
Chapter 20
Eiri
He needed to pull away.Every old instinct Eiri possessed was screaming at him, telling him he was in danger. Those he could ignore. He was too tired to keep fighting those old drives. It was the voice deeper down, the one that sounded a lot like his father, that was harder to quiet.
“You are Canjiri. You are a strong, proud raider who never runs from a fight, and yet look at you now. Crying in the arms of the enemy because you’re tired. Pathetic.”
And Eiriwasdangerously close to crying, no matter how desperately he tried to hold it back. His years spent on ships and skiffs, raiding up and down the southern coast of the continent, had all trained him to be strong, fast, quiet, resilient. He’d learned to trust his crewmates, his fellow raiders. They had to watch out for each other to ensure no one got left behind. If a raider couldn’t trust their team more than their own family, they were as good as captured, and getting caught in Vaetreas was almost worse than death. They trained for years preparing for their first run before being allowed to set foot on one of the sleek, quick raiding skiffs.
No amount of training could have prepared him for this. Forbeing by himself, constantly on guard with no one to watch his back, no idea who to trust, and not a single soul to turn to. No crewmates, no family, no friends, his magic hidden to avoid having it locked down. For the first time in his life, Eiri was truly, completely alone.
He’d been tired before. It came with being what he was. When they raided a town, it was fast and quiet, but every bit of energy was focused on surviving, then escaping, the enemy soldiers and mages. He’d been worn out before when raids went wrong and he had to use his magic to help them escape.
He’d never felt exhaustion like this. This seeped into his bones and leeched his strength, slowly but steadily, until his limbs were weighed down with it and it felt like he was underwater. He’d never known what it was like to wake up with his chest tight, barely able to breathe when the reality of his situation settled in. He’d never felt that sting of betrayal like when he’d learned Kien was spying on him and actively keeping him hostage in his new life.
Maybe seeking any comfort, even from a man he’d sworn to hate, made him weak and pathetic, like the voice in his head accused him of being, but he couldn’t find it in himself to step away. Syrus was shorter than him but nearly twice as broad, his thick shoulders the perfect spot to bury his face until he could be sure he wouldn’t actually cry. The powerful arms that had once wielded weapons that sought to cut Eiri apart now held him together as another shudder worked through his body. This one didn’t stop, though, and before he knew it, he was trembling, everything catching up to him at once.
Kien’s words came back to him, taunting him, but he just couldn’t make himself believe them anymore, if he ever had to begin with. Kien’s accusations had shaken the foundation of Eiri’s trust in Syrus, yet he’d shown up to this meeting anyway. It was possible Syrus had convinced Xan and Ellis to go alongwith whatever plot he was creating, but it didn’t feel that way. If Syrus were up to something, this would be the time to worm his way past Eiri’s guard, while he was exhausted and weak. Instead, he said nothing at all. He just stood there, holding Eiri in his arms, giving him the quiet comfort Eiri hadn’t asked for but badly needed.
It seemed to take hours before he could stop shaking, but really he knew it had only been a few minutes. Eiri was utterly drained by the time the storm passed, and he went limp, all but collapsing against Syrus’ chest. He didn’t complain, though. He just held Eiri and let him take the time to settle his mind. At some point, Eiri had wrapped his arms around Syrus’ waist in a loose hold. He didn’t remember doing that, and he let his arms drop, leaving him oddly bereft.
Only then did Syrus finally shift. He didn’t let go of Eiri, just tilted his head a little so they could see each other.
“Is there anything you need?” he asked, low and warm, his dark eyes holding nothing but concern.
“A week of sleep?” Eiri suggested. He hadn’t let the tears fall, but his voice sounded like he’d been crying for hours, thick and rough.
“After we sort everything out, I’ll make sure you get as much sleep as you want. For now, I can do coffee or tea?”
“Tea would be good. Thank you.”
“Coming right up.”
They lingered a moment, Syrus still holding Eiri, neither of them wanting to be the first to pull away. Eiri knew they needed to get back to work, though, so he finally took a step back, giving Syrus an apologetic smile.
“Sorry,” he murmured. Embarrassment swept in now that he could think more clearly, and he looked away, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt.
“Don’t apologize.” Syrus stopped mid-step. “The last fewweeks have been a nightmare for you, and you’ve handled it far better than I have. You have nothing to be sorry for.” With surprisingly gentle fingers, he traced Eiri’s cheek down to his chin, tilting his face up with a light touch until their eyes met. “Thank you for trusting me enough to let me be with you.”
Time slowed around them, the room and the people waiting for them and everything else fading into the background, until Syrus was the only thing in focus. The soft touch of his fingers, the warmth of his body, so close to Eiri. The distance between them disappeared, and he had no idea who’d moved, or maybe they both had. Syrus’ arm slid around his waist, bringing them closer still, his other hand still gently touching Eiri’s face.
