“Well, it seemed like the easiest option. I don’t really understand how to use those crystals you showed me and some of the other stuff is a little out there, even for me.” I’d admitted my skepticism the first time we’d talked, but it still felt weird to say it to someone who made their living around this stuff. “Sitting on the floor relaxing should be easy, right?”
“We’ll come back to that second part some other time, but as for meditation being easy…” Ori shook their head. “It’s one of the hardest practices to master.”
“So, I’m guessing that means it’s more than just relaxing?” I leaned against the counter beside them, trying not to slump in defeat. Why was this all so hard?
“Kind of the opposite, actually. Meditation is about learning to be comfortable within your mind without trying to control every thought. That’s extremely difficult for most people, myself included. Letting go of your thoughts can also send your mind wandering to places you’d rather not go.”
“But if the point is to not try to control my mind, that means if I start thinking about some bad memories, I’m supposed to just let it happen?” That sounded like literal Hell to me.
“Some people do, but I don’t recommend it, especially if it’s a memory associated with something traumatic. Lingering on it will make it pretty much impossible to focus on meditating and it would likely lead to not wanting to do it at all.” Ori’s dark eyes went distant for a moment and I couldn’t help but wonder what dark memories they avoided thinking about.
“So what should I do?” I asked quietly.
They blinked their eyes back into focus and gave me a small smile. “I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve found that if I take a moment to acknowledge the memory, then turn my focus away, it helps. Many people use their breathing as a focus. I have a mantra and I pull myself back to that. The person who taught me to meditate recommended writing down any unpleasant memories that came up during meditation and journal about it to help resolve them.”
Again, that sounded terrible. “Do you?”
Ori laughed again. “Absolutely not. I pay a therapist to help me resolve my shit.”
That startled a laugh out of me before I could stop it, easing the tension between us.
“Do you want to sit?” I asked, nodding towards the reading nook nearest the front door. “Am I keeping you from your work?”
“I don’t open until noon, usually. Micah can handle it alone if we run over,” they shrugged, following me over and settling in one of the plush armchairs.
I thought I knew just about everyone in town, but clearly not. First Ori, now whoever Micah was? I needed to get out more.
“So, what would you recommend for a novice like me?” I asked once we were comfortable. “I really want to try to master this. Once a ghost finds me, I have no choice but to help. I want to, of course, but I hate that I have to put my entire life on hold to deal with it. Maybe if I can control it, the shock won’t be quite so bad, either?”
I’d never liked my ability, but it wasn’t until Andre that I’d truly feared it. If I hadn’t managed to call 911 in time, I could have died out there with him. I’d researched hypothermia afterward and between the shock and the amount of energy Andre drained from me, I’d been dangerously close to freezing to death. I’d absolutely not told Donovan about that. He could easily find out on his own, of course, but no need to add fuel to the fire of his protectiveness.
“That’s a very real possibility,” Ori agreed. “By accessing your power purposefully, you’ll be more mentally prepared. I think having a support system will make the biggest difference, though, and you seem to have that in place already.”
“Yeah. I’ve been threatened with decaf for the rest of my life if I ever attempt to go out with a ghost alone ever again.”
Donovan’s face flashed into my mind, the hurt and shock when I’d told him to leave. With it came a fresh rush of guilt, followed closely by pain as I remembered his words. It took a real effort to bundle it all up and shove it to the back of my mind so I could focus on what Ori was saying.
“Having someone there with you should provide the emotional support you need for what you do.” They shifted, getting more comfortable in the chair. “Honestly, I don’t envy you your power.”
“I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. If I could get rid of it, I would in a heartbeat. No hesitation.”
“For your sake, I wish it worked like that, but since that’s not an option, the best we can do is learn to control it. I’d like to do more research, but it sounds like one of the main goals, aside from consciously using your ability, is to figure out a way to limit the amount of energy the ghost can draw from you.”
“I’d like that,” I agreed immediately. Just because I lived here in the mountains, didn’t mean I enjoyed being cold. It’d gotten better without Charlie constantly drawing energy from me, combined with basically living with a man who loved to snuggle. “It kind of feels like once I can control it, I’ll be able to manage the drain. It just feels connected in my head, if that makes any sense?”
Ori shrugged. “It’s your power, so I’ll trust you on that. For now, if you have the time, perhaps we can work on mindfulness? It’s slightly easier than meditation, though the two complement each other. It will help you focus on the present without judgment and is just a daily quality, where meditation is a focused exercise.”
“Okay, and what do I have to do?” I asked, hoping it didn’t come out too skeptical. I’d heard one too many online influencers talking about ‘practicing mindfulness and gratitude’ to take it as seriously as I should be. Ori’s little smile said I wasn’t entirely successful at reining in my tone, but they didn’t comment on it.
“As simple as it sounds, the first thing is to just pay attention. Take in the moment around you, paying attention to your body and your thoughts. Don’t judge yourself for whatever thoughts come to mind, but pay attention to them and when you notice your mind wandering, consciously pull yourself back to the present and focus on your breathing.”
“That sounds way easier than it probably is. I’m game to try, though. I guess the worst that can happen is a repeat of yesterday.”
“We’ll start short. Five minutes,” Ori said. “Also, it might not be the same for you as it was for me, but the first time I tried this with someone sitting with me, I spent the entire time worrying I was wasting her time and I should be entertaining her or something. If that’s the case, just know that I’m going to be focusing on myself, so it’s perfectly fine to ignore me. Just keep your breath steady and choose to keep your attention on that rhythm. I’ve found that counting helps, at first.”
That must be all the tutorial I was getting, because Ori closed their eyes, going still in a way that I envied immediately. They’d obviously been doing this for a long time, to the point that it was nearly effortless. I didn’t have to be psychic to know it wasn’t going to be nearly as simple for me, but I had to try. I had nothing left to lose and everything to gain at this point.
Closing my eyes, I got as comfortable as possible in the plush chair. Focus on my breathing. Easy enough, right? I pulled on the breathing exercises I’d learned as a kid again. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Holding the number in my head and feeling each breath as it moved through my body turned out to be more helpful than expected.
