That made me pause, missing a step.
Was this the very first time? I wracked my brain, going through the cases I’d worked since Alex’s run-in at the park. None of them fit and, to the best of my knowledge, nothing similar had come through in the last few months. That should have been a relief, but having to wonder if my boyfriend had lied to me about this just made everything that much worse.
The walk home didn’t take long, but with nothing but quiet to fill the time, my anger simmered, nearly reaching the boiling point by the time we reached Alex’s front door. His hands shook when he unlocked it and where usually I’d step in, now I waited, letting him get the door open. A wave of cold air followed us inside, sending Louis from his perch on the couch to the bedroom with all the righteous indignation of an inconvenienced cat.
“You have to get ready for work soon, right?” Alex didn’t look at me when he spoke, keeping his back turned and shrugging out of his jacket. He couldn’t have made it any clearer that he wanted to avoid the conversation we needed to have. Unfortunately for him, I was nothing if not stubborn. I flipped on the overhead light, breaking up the darkness of the witching hour.
“It’s not even four in the morning. I think I can manage it in five hours.”
“In that case, I’m going back to bed.”
I stepped around him, cutting off his escape route and leaving us face to face. Near enough, at least, considering he refused to look me in the eye.
“Alex, we need to talk.”
“We don’t, though.” He winced and now that I could properly see him, I could see I was right about the blue cast to his lips.
I muttered a curse, rubbing my hands over my face. “Come on, you need to warm up.”
“Do we need to talk or warm up? Make up your mind,” he snipped, but I refused to let him distract me. Taking his hand, I guided him to the couch. I settled in with my back against the arm and drew him into my lap, his body cradled between my thighs. He didn’t fight, but he didn’t help me, either. He kept a throw blanket on the back of the couch, which usually served as a cat bed, but now I wrapped it tight around Alex in a blanket burrito.
“Once you’re warm, we’ll talk.” As badly as I wanted to clear the air between us, Alex’s safety came first. “How are you feeling? Do we need to go to the hospital?”
For a moment, I didn’t think he was going to answer me, but he finally shook his head. “It’s not bad this time. She barely drew anything from me and I kind of had an idea of what we were walking into, so it wasn’t as shocking as…”
Months later, Alex still struggled to talk about what he’d seen the night he found Andre Marcel. Not that I blamed him. Even after years spent working homicides in Chicago, I’d never become desensitized to the violence humans could inflict on each other.
“I guess that’s the best-case scenario, given the circumstances.” I kept my arms around him just in case, though. I’d carry the memory of Alex in that hospital bed, pale as death and freezing cold, for the rest of my life. No matter how tense things were between us, I would never let him get that bad ever again.
“The worst part was the kids.” He said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear him at first. “There’s never been other people there before. He was just a kid, and I left him there with his dead mom so I could protect myself. What kind of person does that make me?”
I tightened my hold on him, my concern rapidly overriding my anger. “One who’s used to having to hide.”
“That doesn’t make it any better. What if it’d been Misty who woke up and not Levi? I’d have left a toddler all alone just to keep myself from getting arrested. You know who does things like that? Monsters.”
“You arenota monster, Alex,” I said sternly. “You wouldn’t have left her if that’d been the case. I know you. And you wouldn’t have been arrested. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
He shifted in my arms, pulling away enough to turn and face me. “How many dead bodies do I have to turn up with before Chief Cornell decides it can’t be a coincidence anymore? She knows about Mrs. Kostek and… and Andre.” He took a quick, stuttering breath. “She knows about Nina, too.Youwere suspicious of me at first and you were already dating me. How much longer can I do this without getting caught? Part of the reason I never went back to Indianapolis after I left was because I’m already on the radar there after finding Nina. I called in three when I was in college, so now I’m scared to ever go near Seattle again. Am I going to have to leave Lowery’s Crossing, too? Is this stupid curse that I never even asked for going to force me to give up everything again?”
Alex was shaking by the time he fell silent, tears in his eyes and genuine fear in his voice. Any lingering anger I held disappeared in the face of his distress.
“You’re not leaving. This place is your home.” I brushed a single tear from his cheek before it could fall, letting my hand linger on his chilled skin.
“I might not have a choice. I can’t ignore them forever, Donovan. Even if I learn to control it, I’ll still eventually get caught again. Every day, part of me is scared that one of your coworkers is going to show up at the bookstore and take me in again. I can’t live like this forever. It’s too hard.” Alex’s voice broke and he blinked back a fresh round of tears.
How could I not have known he was this scared? There were days I wondered when the chief was going to sit me down and ask more questions about Alex, but so far, she’d let it be. How had it never crossed my mind that Alex would be even more worried about that than I was?
“You’re right. It’s hard, and it’s not fair to you,” I agreed softly. The spark of an idea flickered, but I got the feeling Alex wouldn’t like it at first. There were only two ways out of this situation, though, and I’d be damned if he left his home. “Maybe there’s another way.”
He must have heard something in my tone because he extricated himself from my hold and settled on the other end of the couch, facing me. “Like what?”
“Maybe we could talk to Chief Cornell and tell her the truth?”
Silence met my words. Alex blinked once, twice, before he dropped his shoulders and let out a slow sigh.
“So, my options are to leave town or to tell the truth and have everyone in town think I’m insane?”
“We don’t have to tell the whole town,” I said, shaking my head. At least he wasn’t calling me an idiot yet. “Just the chief. She already knows something strange is going on. Why not give her the rest of the information? That way, you can keep doing what you do without worrying about hiding.”
