“Alright, for real talk. Thanks for telling me all that. Seriously. Emotion like that isn’t easy to say out loud, and the fact you trusted me with it means a lot.”
This man. I’d emotionally regurgitated all over him, and here he was thanking me for it. Thanking me for the mess and rawness, because he knew. He knew, a few short months ago it would’ve been impossible for me. He understood showing emotion hadn’t always been safe for me. In the past, whenever I’d dared to raise my voice, to speak my truth, I’d been punished.Mocked. Hurt. I’d been taught, repeatedly, that it proved better to stay quiet, that it kept me safer.
But Luke has a soul made of light and a heart as a vast as the sea. And so help me, I’m falling for that blasted heart, for precisely this reason. The way he held space for my mess without trying to fix it. The way he offered gentleness without pity. He looked at and treated me as more than the worst things that had ever happened to me.
“Second, I’m not mad,” he continued. “What happened was a totally normal reaction given the circumstances. Men have dicks. Sometimes they get hard in the least ideal situations for no reason other than to say ‘hey, I’m still here.’ If you think you’re the first guy to experience an awkward boner, I think you need a better history teacher. You’d be more of an anomaly if you hadn’t.”
“Yeah?” I scoffed. “What’s your awkward boner story, then? It can’t compare to this.” What!? No!? I can’t be thinking about Luke’s erect cock. That’s just asking for another ill-timed boner.
“Junior year, post-practice locker room, mildewy tile, sweaty gear, a war crime of Axe body spray. Least sexy place on earth. I’m thinking about dinner and a botched play, strip off my gear, look down and boom, I’m sportin’ a semi. Outta nowhere. Bodies are idiots. They fire off at the wrong time and leave us holding the embarrassment sign. You’re fine.”
“That’s all you think it was?”
“Yeah, I mean, what else would it be?”
I opened my mouth, the words on the tip of my tongue.“It’s you. It’s everything you are and everything you do. It’s the way you look at me, the sound of your voice, and the strength of your hands, but the gentleness with which you hold me.”
I couldn’t say that. Instead, I went with, “Yeah, you’re right, just one of those things. Could have happened to anyone.” Disappointment colored my voice, but what good would it doto spill my heart to a man who couldn’t return it? What purpose would it serve, other than to make everything more complicated? It would only hurt us both.
“Right, so why would I be mad at you for something that could happen to anyone?”
“I guess you wouldn’t be.” But it hadn’t happened to just anyone. It had happened with Luke, because of him, and that made all the difference.
Chapter 22
Luke
Lying on my back in my bed, my thoughts drifted to Oliver, the same as they had all week. There’s no denying it. I am into him. In a big way. In anI want you to have more boners around mekinda way. In anI want to be the cause of those boners and those stupidly sexy moanskinda way. My own boner, making itself painfully known through my boxer briefs, had become a regular feature these past seven nights as well.
I’d tried to ignore it, shove it aside. That had proven to be a wildly unsuccessful tactic, as it only seemed to reroute everything straight into my dreams. Dreams that left me waking up damp with sweat, breathing hard, Oliver’s face lingering in my mind long after I woke.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, attempting to relax myself into sleep. Bad move. With my eyes closed, the image of him sharpened. Those ridiculous blue eyes bored into my mind. His smile followed, bright and breathtaking, lighting up the darkness behind my eyelids. That smile in real life had become so radiant I joked with myself that I needed sunglasses to gaze at it without squinting.
My fingers flexed with the urge to reach out and touch him. To take his face into my hands and trace every line, to brush over that sweet little mole on his cheek that I couldn’t get out of my mind now that I’d noticed it. I pictured his puffy, pillow-soft lips.Unconsciously, I wet my own, wondering what it would be like to press into that soft flesh. To feel him respond beneath my touch. The thought shot straight to my dick, twitching hard against the confines of my briefs. Damn appendages, acting with minds of their own.
I rolled onto my side. Guess it wasn’t just my dick acting like it had free will tonight, because my heart decided to jump in too, tightening with a sharp ache. I wanted Oliver here. Wanted him against me. My king-size bed had never felt so empty.
Needing to get my shit together, I dragged myself out of bed, pulling on a pair of plaid lounge pants so I could brew a cup of sleepy time tea. I slipped into the hallway, eyes on the floor to avoid the extra-creaky board outside Oliver’s door.
I successfully dodged the floorboard... and then walked straight into Oliver.
A softmmpfleft him on impact. The sweet nutty smell of his shampoo filled my nose. He reached out instinctively, steadying himself, his palm landing flat against my bare chest. Zaps of electricity zipped through me.
He glanced up, our eyes locking in the faint glow of the motion sensor nightlights I had plugged into the hallway outlets. His grew wide. He pulled his hand away, glancing to the ground.
My eyes dropped as well... another mistake. His pants clung to the lean lines of his thighs and my body had opinions about that. Loud ones. Unhelpful ones that reminded me of my current situation. My own pants weren’t going to do a thing to disguise my dick’s rebellion.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“No, that was my bad,” I said, shaking my head, trying to clear the haze clogging my brain. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“Couldn’t sleep?” Oliver asked.
“Something like that. You?”
He shrugged. “Bathroom.”
“Ah, right,’ I said.
