“Hey, I still stand by the fact that mystusion should be a word.”
“Mystusion? Dare I ask what that’s supposed to mean?” I said.
“A mysterious contusion,” Luke said. “You know, those weird bruises that show up out of nowhere with zero memory of how you got them.”
“Well, I’ll give it to you. You do have an uncanny knack for inventing words that sound like they should exist.”
“So you’re familiar with Luke’s little habit,” John said.
“Not in the context of Scrabble, but yes, I’ve been privy to his linguistic creativity before and usually I admire it. But don’t worry, when it comes to Scrabble I won’t allow it.”
“Perfect! You’ll fit right in. But first I must insist on indulging in these scrumptious-looking cinnamon rolls. I’m going to need the sugar hit to survive what’s about to ensue,” John said.
“I’ll turn the oven on. I’ve learned from the best all the tricks of the trade. And the proper way to reheat cinnamon rolls is in the oven. Never the microwave. Preserves the texture and melts the frosting just right,” Luke said with a wink at me.
“And I’ll get the cappuccino machine running. Who wants a cup?” Susan asked.
“I’m in,” I said.
“Same here,” Luke said.
“Well, while you all get the after-dinner caffeine and sugary decadence prepared, I’m going to fetch the Scrabble box, and a dictionary to disprove the existence of Luke’s latest word malarkey,” John said.
“If you think about it, all words are made up. At some point, every word entered the human lexicon as nonsense before someone gave it meaning. Rather than stifling my genius, you should embrace it. I’m a linguistic pioneer,” Luke argued.
“If you’re inclined to submit your brilliant inventions to the Oxford English Dictionary, we support your aspirations. We believe in dreams here. But for the purposes of Scrabble, we can only accept currently verified words. Those are the rules. Non-negotiable.”
“One day, I’ll coin a word so magnificent, so necessary, you’ll have to allow it.”
“And this,” Susan said, “is why you never win. If you put as much energy into playing real words as you do making up new ones, you’d probably be the family champion.”
“Innovation is the mark of a true champion. You’re all holding onto outdated norms.”
“That sounds suspiciously like something losers say to console themselves after being thrashed with triple-word scores,” I said.
“Unbelievable! Not you too, Ollie. You’re supposed to defend me, not pile on.”
“I’m just saying, if we’re judging by Scrabble standards, fabricating nonsense isn’t quite the flex you think it is.”
“Fine. I see how it is.” He marched to the oven, throwing open the door. “I’m calling it, these cinnamon rolls are heated to an acceptable temperature. I cannot wait for the timer. I’ll need an extra dose of sweetness and carbohydrate glory to console myself from the multi-directional conspiring against me.”
He retrieved the tray, setting it on the table.
“Don’t mind if I do,” John said, moaning around his first bite. “Alright, that’s it, Suz, tomorrow we’re calling our lawyer. I need to revise our will. Everything needs to go to Oliver.”
“Gee, thanks, Dad. A cinnamon roll is all it takes to win your affection? Not the decades of memories we’ve built together? Not my undying devotion as your one and only son?”
“Not just any cinnamon roll. The softest, gooiest, most outrageously delicious cinnamon roll I’ve ever had the fortune to encounter. You form allegiances over a pastry like this. If you’d ever made me anything this scrumptious, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“I didn’t realize your love came with a price tag,” Luke muttered.
“It doesn’t. I love you unconditionally. But if you’re looking to secure lifelong, unquestioning loyalty? That’s a separate department and payment is required to earn it.”
“In Luke’s defense,” I interjected. “He did help me make the frosting. And let’s be honest, a cinnamon roll without frosting is nothing but sad spiral-shaped bread boasting to be more.”
Luke puffed out his chest like some proud warrior. “Recognition at last. You’re forgiven for the earlier loser comment.”
“Well, if he contributed to the frosting, I suppose he’s earned the right to retain fifty percent inheritance,” John said.
