“But you can’t say it back.” It wasn’t a question.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, the words feeling like a confession. “I don’t know what I’m feeling yet, Dante. A few weeks ago, I thought I was straight. I thought I’d spend my whole life on this ranch, maybe marry some girl from town, have kids. Normal stuff.” I leaned against the counter, trying to find the right words. “And now I’m married to a man. A man I’m sleeping with. A man who makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. And I don’t... I don’t know how to process all of that.”
He set the glass down carefully, his knuckles white against the counter. “So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I need time.” I moved closer, reaching out to touch his arm. “I’m saying that what we have is real to me, even if I can’t put a name to it yet. I’m saying that when you went down under that heifer, I thought my world was ending. That when you touch me, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. But love...” I shook my head. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that before. So, I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love or just... something else.”
“Something else,” he repeated, and I heard the hurt in his voice.
“Something important,” I clarified, cupping his face and forcing him to look at me. “Something I don’t want to lose. You asked me to stay with you in that hospital bed, and I did. And I’ll keep staying, Dante. As long as you’ll have me. I just need you to be patient while I figure out what all of this means.”
His eyes searched mine for a long moment, and I held my breath, terrified he’d pull away. Terrified he’d decide I wasn’t worth the trouble.
“Okay,” he said finally, his voice rough. “I can do patient. I can do slow. I just... I needed you to know where I stood. What this is becoming for me.”
“I know,” I whispered, pressing my forehead against his. “And I’m glad you told me. Even if I can’t say it back yet.”
“Yet,” he repeated, and I heard the hope in that single word.
“Yet,” I confirmed.
He kissed me then, soft and sweet and tinged with something that felt like relief. When we finally pulled apart, some of the tension had drained from his shoulders.
“Do you… Do you want to go on a walk or something?” I asked when I finally pulled back. “I’m…restless.”
His eyes lit up, and I felt a rush of relief that I’d suggested something that pleased him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”
We headed out into the cool Montana night, the stars so bright overhead they looked like someone had spilled diamonds across black velvet. I’d lived under these endless skies my whole life, but under those stars tonight with Dante, they felt different somehow. More significant.
We walked in comfortable silence for a while, our shoulders brushing occasionally, hands swinging close but not quite touching. I wanted to reach for him, but something held me back. Maybe it was the knowledge that we’d just had this big conversation about feelings I couldn’t name yet. Maybe it was the lingering anxiety from dinner, knowing my family now knew what was happening between us.
“Where are we going?” Dante asked as I led him away from the main buildings.
“There’s a spot I used to go when I was a kid,” I said. “When things got too heavy, or I needed to think. Figured you might like to see it.”
We walked past the north pasture, the cattle dark shapes against the grass, their breathing soft and rhythmic in the quiet. The path I was following was barely visible in the moonlight, overgrown from years of disuse, but my feet knew the way.
After about ten minutes, we reached a small rise that overlooked the entire valley. From here, you could see the main house, the barns, the creek winding silver through the darkness. Beyond that, the mountains rose up like sentinels, their peaks touched with moonlight.
“Damn,” Dante breathed, stopping beside me. “This is incredible.”
“Yeah.” I sat down on the grass, patting the spot next to me. “My dad used to bring me up here when I was little. Before everything went to shit with the finances. He’d point out all the different sections of the ranch, tell me stories about my grandfather and great-grandfather who built this place.” Iswallowed hard against the lump in my throat. “He’d tell me that someday it would all be mine.”
Dante settled beside me, close enough that I could feel his warmth. “The Lion King must’ve been your favorite movie as a kid.”
I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “It was kinda like that, wasn’t it?”
“Does that make me the hyenas or the evil uncle?” Dante asked, glancing my way.
I shook my head. “Neither. You’re the one that comes to save me. To remind me who I truly am.” I leaned closer, my lips almost touching his. “Can you feel the love tonight?” I hummed in tune.
Dante smiled wide. “You’re an idiot.”
“You like it though, don’t you?”
He nodded, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. “I really do, Nick.”
I kissed him then, slow and deep, pouring everything I couldn’t say into the contact. His hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, pulling me closer, and I went willingly. Out here under the stars, away from everyone and everything, I could let myself have this. Have him.
