Doc hated that his butler could read him so easily. “No! I was just... considering the ramifications.”
Hijinks didn’t even look the least bit surprised. Or judgmental. Then again, this was why Doc had hired him. “So do it. Do the kidnap.”
“I willnot.Do you hear what you’re saying?” Doc hissed.
“Obviously.” Hijinks rolled his eyes. “Shall I repeat myself?”
“Ace and the rest and I—We’ve put people in jail for kidnap.”
“You don’t have to do it permanently,” Hijinks pointed out. “And if you make it a catch-and-release without showing them your face, if you never let them know the location you hold them in, they wouldn’t know where to lead the police to.”
Doc buried his face in his hands, horrified. “Do you even hear what you’re saying?”
“Yes!” Hijinks said cheerily.
“Gods,” Doc groaned. “You want to turn me into a criminal.”
“Good doctor by day, bad doctor by night.” Hijinks cackled.
“I’m not kidnapping anyone!”
“Even if it’s consensual?”
Doc squinted. “What?”
Hijinks made an impatient noise. “You know, get them to agree to the kidnapping.”
“Then it’s no longer a kidnap.”
“But you can pretend! Roleplay! You could even draw up a kidnap contract!”
“What the fuck,” Doc said. “That completely defeats the purpose of a kidnapping. I don’twantthem to leave. Or at least, I don’t think I do. But... Damn it. But that’s just wrong.”
Hijinks watched him for a moment too long, like he was looking right into the scarred-up bits of Doc’s soul. “Get out there, bring a contract with you. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find someone who wants to be kidnapped.”
“That’s insane.”
“So is wanting to kidnap someone.”
Doc sighed.
“Tell you what, I’ll prepare a contract for you,” Hijinks said. “One sheet of paper. It shouldn’t be too difficult to carry around.”
“You’re insane.”
Hijinks flapped his hand and pranced out of Doc’s bedroom. “You already knew that. BRB. Contract in ten.”
Doc stared after him, bewildered. He got dressed and headed downstairs, where he found Hijinks in the office printing out a sheet of paper. Hijinks folded it into quarters and clipped it shut with a clicky pen.
He shoved the bundle into Doc’s hand. “Shoo! Get out there, kidnap an omega.”
Doc winced. “You weren’t supposed to know that. About the omega.”
Hijinks rolled his eyes. “Your friends are all matching up with omegas and playing Happy Families. Obviously you want someone to snuggle with. And breed.”
Doc touched the lower half of his face.
Hijinks sighed. “Try it one more time. If it fails, you can blame it on me.”
