“There’s just one of me, I’m afraid.”
“Well, you could shift and... and your tail would be long enough to go on my other side, right? Like one of those U-shaped body pillows.”
“Is that what I’ve been reduced to? A U-shaped body pillow?”
“You should be proud,” Ottis said meaningfully. “Now you’re a D and also a U.”
“At least that wasn’t an F and a U.”
“You did F me. Wow, I hope this isn’t how we teach Marcie the alphabet,” Ottis blurted.
Doc laughed silently, but with huge, violent heaves of his body that made Ottis and Marcie shake along with him. It was the hardest Ottis had seen him laugh, and it wasamazing.
Ottis felt a tiny bit proud of himself. But also embarrassed, because he hadn’t planned any of this.
“You would let me teach her the alphabet?” Doc asked when he sobered up.
Ottis froze. Wow. That was... kind of far into the future. In fact, it sounded kind of crazy, letting Doc stick around for so much of Marcie’s life.
“We’ll see,” Ottis said carefully. “I don’t know about making promises yet.”
Doc hummed. “A wise decision. Let’s get ready to leave. Hijinks is almost here.”
Two seconds later, the butler popped up beside them, all smiles. “Reporting for duty, Butt-Cart Probe Master.”
“Ugh,” Doc said fervently.
Ottis giggled. “Butt-Cart Probe Master,” he whispered under his breath. “It has a certain ring to it.”
Doc groaned. “Not you too.”
“You should put that on your hospital lanyard,” Hijinks said brightly. “In fact, I’ll get it printed for you, with rainbows and unicorns around your face—”
“Oh gods. No,” Doc muttered.
“—and on the back there will be a handy pickup line for whenever you need to seduce the Probe Consort.”
Ottis winced. “From 699 Pickup Lines?”
Hijinks waggled his eyebrows. “How did you guess?”
“It’s not going to work on me,” Ottis said.
“You never know,” Hijinks said solemnly. “They may miss you like ships passing in the night, but one day.One day,there will be a pickup line that sweeps you off your paws and leaves you feeling like you’ve been electrocuted.”
“Because that sounds pleasant,” Ottis said dryly.
“Good luck finding it,” Doc said with the air of a man who knew it would never happen.
Hijinks sniffed disdainfully.
“Anyhow, we’re leaving,” Doc said, unwrapping himself from Ottis but leaving an arm around his waist. “Handle the checkout, Jinks. We’ll meet you at the car.”
Hijinks gave a jaunty salute. Doc glanced around; Ottis stretched out his hearing as much as he could. When they were sure the coast was clear, Doc led Ottis out of the store—not too quickly that they would be noticed, and not too slowly that they would make themselves a target.
In her shirt bundle, Marcie babbled to herself with little snorts and roars.
“She sounds even more amazing now,” Doc said in an undertone. “I thought she couldn’t get more adorable than a human child.”
