Aggie whines and tries to jump out of my arms to get to her crate. She loves this thing. Or maybe she just loves all the soft blankets I piled in it. Her little paws have barely touched the ground before she’s diving headfirst into the crate and burrowing beneath the blankets. I chuckle as I leave her to buryherself, and by the time I’ve pulled on a pair of black joggers and a fitted black hoodie, she’s snoring soundly in her doggy cave.
Taking a quick glance at my appearance in the oversized mirror at the foot of my bed, I wince at the crows’ feet lining the corners of my eyes. Have they gotten deeper over the last couple of months? Maybe I should see about scheduling an appointment to get some filler. Scrubbing a hand over my scruffy face, I realize I probably should’ve shaved. At least trimmed up the ’stache and got rid of the stubble. What if he thinks I look sloppy? I can tame my thick, messy hair with some texturizing spray and leave-in conditioner, but that’s the best I’ve got in a rush. And why do I care what he thinks of me?
I can’t put my finger on what it is about this guy that’s so magnetic. Nate saw it in his email, and I saw it when I was stalking—I mean,scrolling—his Instagram. He radiates this energy that I just want to wrap myself up in. It’s warm and comforting and inviting. I’m not used to any of those things, and I’m not sure what to make of them in human form. Running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to get the perfect coif, I take a deep breath in and slowly blow it out.It’s just a meeting,I tell myself.I didn’t promise Nate anything. If we don’t click, we don’t have to collab. Nothing to be nervous about, you’ve done this for years. He’s the one who should be nervous, not you.
Closing my eyes and rolling my neck to ease the tension in my shoulders, I put on my best smile and make my way down to the living room.
Riley isn’t seated awkwardly on the couch where I thought he would be. Instead, he’s a vision in his bright pink polo in the middle of my sparse, monochromatic living room as he tilts his head to peruse the books on the floating bookshelf above my desk. He startles when I softly clear my throat to alert him of my presence, green eyes going wide before his face relaxes into a sheepish smile. “Sorry…I didn’t mean to snoop.” His voiceis smooth and neutral; definitely not Southern, which surprises me. “It’s just…theMaking of Star Warsbook caught my eye.”
Something deep in my chest warms. I don’t have a lot of childhood memories to get sentimental over, but that particular book does have some meaning to me. “That’s a good one,” I agree, trying to sound as casual as possible. “I saw the original movies in theaters when they were re-released in the 90s and wanted to know everything about how they were made. It’s the first time I thought maybe I’d want to make films of my own someday.”
Surprise flashes across his features, but he masks it quickly. “Big leap from sci-fi to porn,” he quips.
“Yeah. Yeah it is, isn’t it?” My voice pitches up a little, and I wince. I’ve already got a more feminine-sounding voice than people expect for a guy of my stature, and I’ve never been ashamed of it, but I also don’t want to let on how nervous I am. Hoping he didn’t notice, I gesture for him to take a seat on the couch as I turn and take the few steps to the kitchen. “You want something to drink? I’ve got water, coffee, beer, wine…”
“Maybe a glass of wine, thanks.”
“Red or white?”
“White, please. And maybe a glass of water, too? If it’s not too much trouble.”
“One water and one wine coming right up.” I wink. “Just like Jesus.”
He lets out an amused laugh at that, and my chest swells with pride thatImade that sound come out of him. “I don’t think Jesus had both. That was kinda the whole deal.”
“Ah, I guess you’re right,” I concede through a smile, pulling the wine from the fridge and pouring us each a glass. Mine might be a bit of a heavy pour, but I think a little extra liquid courage is justified.
It’s a juggling act to carry all three glasses, but I manage to take a seat on the opposite end of the sectional without spilling anything and making an ass of myself. Our fingertips brush as I hand his wine glass over, and his skin is hot to the touch. Everything about him exudes warmth. Like the first sunny day after a particularly long winter.
I settle back against the couch and take a sip of wine, studying him. “So, Riley Cunningham. Real name?” I double-check, recalling he was too flustered to answer me earlier.
He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing prominently as he swallows. “Yes, si–I mean, yes. I’ve had it my whole life, so figured I’d stick with it.”
“Hm.” I swirl my wine thoughtfully. “Bold move. Does your family know you’re out here doing this?”
His cheeks pinken slightly, and his eyes dart down to his glass. “No…I mean, they know I moved to LA. I, uh…I’m not sure they’d approve of the porn thing, though.”
“Are you out to them?”
“Oh yeah,” he says quickly, his eyes meeting mine again. The color of sea glass. “I came out to both my parents and my older sister Amanda when I was fourteen. And they were all great, even though they’re like,reallydevout Christians. I grew up in church, and I knew I was gay when I was a kid, but I always heard it preached about as a sin, you know? I figured I’d just never tell my parents, maybe move away after school, and keep any boyfriends I had a secret.” He shakes his head, laughing softly at himself. “Then the first time I wanted to ask a boy out, I couldn’t stand not talking to my parents about it. We’ve always been really close. So I just kind of…went for it one day. They actually weren’t even surprised.”
“Really?” My eyebrows raise at that. Not that I ever had parents I had to come out to, but most super religious families don’t seem to be accepting so quickly.
“Yeah.” He smiles softly. “My parents are kind of the best. They told me that there was nothing I could ever do that would make God love me any less, and nothing I could ever do that would make God love me any more than he already does. Our church at the time did not see it that way, though, so we left that one and started going to another one. It was farther away, but they didn’t care. They told me they always had my back over anything else. And they still do. But I think telling them I want to try having sex on camera might be a little over their heads. Not that they’d disown me or anything—they just wouldn’t get it.”
A lump has formed in my throat as I listen to him talk about his family. I wonder what it’s like to be loved and accepted like that, no matter what? “You’re very lucky,” I manage to finally get out. I need to change the subject fast, or I’m going to find myself opening a door to this stranger that I very intentionally keep shut. “So, what made you want to get into this work then?”
He tilts his head slightly, and his gaze drifts over my shoulder and out the window behind me as he considers the question. “Well, even though I’ve been out for a decade now, I feel like I kind of missed out on the chance to fully explore my sexuality and what it meant to be a gay teenager. My parents were my biggest supporters, but I grew up in a small town in a state where anything outside of ‘traditional marriage’ just wasn’t the norm. I grew up without knowing one single gay couple. It felt like there was no one in the world like me. I stayed pretty local for college, so the gay dating pool was still more the size of a kiddie pool. I had a semi-serious boyfriend for a bit, and that was nice, but he was a homebody and never wanted to leave Oklahoma. I’ve always wanted to get out, explore the world. I’m twenty-four and I’ve never even traveled other than a couple of family vacations. I was tired of being stuck in a nine-to-five office job in the same town I’ve lived in my whole life, and when my grandpa passedaway earlier this year and left me some money, I knew that I wanted to use it to move out here.”
Riley shakes his head, as if suddenly remembering where he is. “God, I’m so sorry, I’m talkingsomuch. I’m just rambling, you don’t care about any of this.”
“I really do, though,” I say softly, finding that I mean it. Maybe his nerves are making him overshare, but I’m devouring everything he’s willing to give me. There’s something so sincere about him, and I wonder how that would translate to his work. My favorite scene partners are the ones I have great natural chemistry with, and Riley fits that vibe, from what I can tell so far. I’m a little worried that he doesn’t fully realize what he’s about to dive into, though. There’s something inside me that wants to take him under my wing and protect him, which issounlike me. I typically only work with seasoned professionals like myself, and definitely never anyone so much younger than me. Nothing about him is my usual type, and part of my brain is telling me to pump the brakes on this one, but the other part is already envisioning the marketing opportunities and all the ways this could freshen up my page and bring in new subscriptions.
But there’s something I’m still not sure about. Something I need to make surehe’ssure about before this conversation goes any further: “So why porn, specifically? LA has a vibrant queer scene; why not just hook up and have fun without the cameras?”
Something flashes in his eyes then, and he pulls the corner of his plush lower lip between his teeth. The change in his demeanor catches me off guard, and suddenly, he’s flipped the switch from innocent, naive Southern boy to something sultry and mysterious, and I know that whatever he says won’t even matter. The camera and the fanboys are going to eat him up.
“My ex was pretty vanilla.” That smoldering gaze never leaves mine as he swirls his wine in its glass. “But once, Italked him into letting me record us. Just knowing someone was watching—even if it was just the camera on my phone—got mesoturned on. It was the best orgasm of my life. We watched the video back right after, and I was already hard again just seeing us on the screen. He was embarrassed about how he looked and made me delete the video immediately, but I knew right then that I wanted to be watched. I’m definitely interested in exploring sex with a lot of men. But I also know that I want to do it with an audience.”
