We will continue to walk together at least once a day, per your list.
Her…list. But they weren’t doing that anymore. Did he think she would hold him to it? She wasn’t sure she could. Except…he had a list. One with another line to it.
Once our baby is born, we will revisit our lists and adjust accordingly to ensure we are both happy.
“What…is this? What…” It read like everything she wanted. Like a marriage. Likelove. But she didn’t know how to absorb that. Maybe she was hallucinating.
“This is to be on top of your list, of course. Except we are getting rid ofappointmentssince you will be in my—inourbedchamber.”
She swallowed at the lump in her throat, finally worked up the courage to look at him. Was he really offering…all this? She couldn’t quite trust it. “What brought you to change your mind?”
He sighed, closing the distance between them. His hands were gentle on her face. His eyes direct, maybe a little sad. But sad was something new. It wasn’t detached. It wasn’t walls. It was simply true.
“It is not that I have changed my mind, Ines.”
Fear scrambled through her. And anger. “Then what is it?” she demanded, even as a tear slipped over onto her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb, his gaze never leaving hers.
“A change ofheart,” he said, very seriously, very gently.
She inhaled sharply, held her breath there, staring at him trying to believe this was…really happening.
“Brought on by…everything. You. Our child. Gabriel pointing out that being the opposite of my father is not exactly a guarantee ofgoodness, and you had said the same. I have to be my own man, driven by my own core principles, and that man cannot be ruled by the kind of fear my father employed. The kind of fear that turned love into control or a weapon or whatever it was.”
She couldn’t quite find the words. Her mind seemed to be struggling to catch up to whatever this was, while her body reveled in his hands on her face.
“I met with the soldiers who followed Vinyes. I listened to these men tell me why they followed the general over their duty. For many, it was out of fear, bitterness. Things born out of feeling unseen, uninvolved, unimportant. And I realized that as a king I could not solve this for them—the fear, certainly, but I could not fix the things in their lives that led them to these feelings, because these feelings were not about them as soldiers, but about them as men.”
She did not know why anger welled up inside of her when he was finally breaking through his walls, finallygiving, compromising, believing. The idea that she’d told him all this and he hadn’tlistenedbut some rebellious soldiers would get through to him absolutely infuriated her.
“Well, I’m glad facing your men got through to you where I could not. Perhaps they can keep you warm at night.” She tried to turn away, but he held her in place.
“Ines.” His voice was so gentle. Almostamused, and her hands curled into fists, tempted to punch him—not that it would do any damage.
But his gaze was still direct. His hands still gentle on her face. “None of this would have happened if you had not done the fighting for me first. I was able to see this for what it was because ofyou.”
The lump in her throat was back. A softening waved through her with such vigor she was afraid of it and tried to maintain her anger. “So, what? You’regrateful?”
“Yes, grateful. But much more importantly, I love you, Ines. Not as a weapon, but as simply a…feeling. That we get to decide how to wield.”
Surely he didn’t mean… “I don’t understand,” she croaked.
“Don’t you? You’re the one who has been trying to get through to me.” He brushed at the tears that fell over her cheek.
“You’re just…suddenly in love with me because you stopped a revolution?” she asked, her voice squeaky.
He shook his head. “I have been in love with you for a long time. I think I began to fully realize it when you told me I needed to interfere with Gabriel and Evelyne’s problems. When you stood up to me and showed me who you were underneath your mask. I’m sorry it took longer for me to be brave enough to look under my own. I’m sorry it took palace turmoil to realize that dedicating myself to the crown and only the crown makes me no different than my father, not really.”
“You are wholly different than him,” Ines said fiercely. Because no matter how confused or afraid or happy she felt, this was simply a truth they all deserved to know, to believe. But especially him.
“Perhapsdifferentisn’t the right word. Perhaps the point is… I should stop measuring myself against what he was or wasn’t and measure myself against who I want to be. And I want to be the best king I can be. But I also want to be a man. Your husband. Our child’s father.”
Her heart was beating so hard against her chest, maybe she wasn’t actually hearing him. But he still held her, still looked deep into her eyes like this mattered. Like they mattered.
Like theyloved.
“Are you sure?” she whispered.
“Yes.” He spoke without hesitation. “I love you. I will not stop. I will make mistakes, but I will endeavor to fix them rather than…” He grimaced. “I will do my level best not to try andcontrolthem but instead deal with them. Because that is what my parents did not do. They hurt each other to control, not to love. What they felt I cannot say. I was a boy. But I know they did not handle themselves as they should. As I will endeavor to.”
