She couldn’t let herself engage in that possibility, though. It was too hopeful a thought. Tooawfula thought. All mixed together into one big fat mess.
Impossible messes were not new to her. She’d been in what had felt like a few in her life. Being promised in marriage to a man she didn’t know, a prince she had no concept of, had been her duty. That had felt like a potential sticky mess at the time.
Then she’d been introduced to Alexandre. He’d been so handsome and kind. Not as aloof as he could be now. No, in the beginning he had been almostwarm. He had at least always tried to put her at ease, tried to engage insomecharm.
Now that she’d been around him—and his father—she understood what Alexandre had been doing. Maybe his father had picked her out, thanks to her father’s fortune, but Alexandre did not wish to makehera victim of King Enzo.
Alexandre was not like King Enzo. Sometimes she wondered if she only loved Alex because he was the bright spot of good in King Enzo’s kingdom. But she’d watched Alexandre both under King Enzo’s rule and since the old bastard had died.
Alex was a man who put others’ needs before his own. He was a man who endeavored to be all the good his father had not been. He could be cold. He certainly kept hisrealself hidden behind a mask.
But sometimes, very rarely, she’d seen underneath the mask—not when he was being kind or even sweet—like in the early days before the wedding when they’d take walks in the garden and he’d made some attempt to get to know her—what she liked and didn’t, her hobbies, her interests. The true Alex didn’t show up in all that plannedwarmth.
No, the true Alexandre came out in darker moments. When he’d sent his sister away to save her but worried over her. When Evelyne had returned married to Gabriel and very pregnant and Alexandre had been conflicted about his best friend’s role. After his father’s death when he’d felt guilt over not feeling grief—and he’d let her comfort him.
In his office, when anger had finally snapped some band of control, and he hadn’t held anything back.
Her heart ached thinking about him, considering that the one moment he’d lost control might have created… She shook her head, refusing to engage with the thought.
She would soon find she wasn’t pregnant at all. It was just the stress. Or perhaps these physical issues were simply about not acclimating to the water at the cabin or some such.
If you think that’s the case, why won’t you see a doctor?Jonet had demanded that a few days ago when Ines had once again been miserable.
Ines had not had much of a response to that. She’d made noises about being afraid Alexandre would find her if she sought medical attention, but it wasn’t true.
If he hadn’t found her by now…he wasn’t trying to find her. Perhaps he hadn’t even noticed she was gone. Didn’t care. Perhaps he’d told the whole kingdom she’d simply disappeared, and they were all better off.
None of that really made any sense, but she didn’t have the energy to figure out whatdidmake sense. She just sank into the certainty he didn’t want her.
And that was fine, because she didn’t wanthim. Not…not the way they’d been doing things. A wall always in between them, except when something terrible happened or when he deigned to visit her bed.
On the verge of tears again, Ines looked up as the front door swung open. Jonet marched into the cottage, carrying bags from the market, interrupting Ines’s pity party.Thank goodness.
“I’ve brought you something from the market,” Jonet announced loftily. Something about her hard expression had Ines’s stomach fluttering in concern.
“I hope it’s more ginger ale,” Ines offered with a pleasant smile. It did nothing to change Jonet’s expression.
“There is that. Also this.” Jonet pulled a box from one of her bags and walked it over to where Ines lay on the couch.
Ines took the proffered box and tried to read the label. Her Italian was patchy at best, but she read English quite well, and underneath the larger print of Italian, in smaller print in English it readearly pregnancy test.
She looked up at her cousin. How had Jonet come to the conclusion Ines was so desperately trying to avoid?
“You need to know,” Jonet said firmly. “You cannot keep wallowing. We need answers so we can decide what to do. Go on then.”
Ines opened her mouth to argue, but Jonet was clearly determined. “If you are not pregnant, you will need to see a doctor to see what is wrong with you. If you are, you will also need to see a doctor to make sure you and a potential baby are healthy. So this is the only step to take.” She pulled Ines to her feet and then into the bathroom. “Do not come out until the test is done.”
Then she left and closed the door smartly behind her.
Ines blew out a shaky breath. She looked at the offensive box. She could…lie. To Jonet. To herself.
And where would that get you?
Well, wallowing. Which she had to admit, she’d been…enjoyingwasn’t the right word. But it felt nice after years of denying herself every emotional reaction to swamp herself in this one. She was not required to think or act or know. She could just feel.
But now she needed to know. As much as she’d rather continue the wallow, Jonet pointing out she’d need a doctor either way was… Well, it was one thing to deny concerns about her own health, another to deny what might be going on if…if…
She looked at the box. Why was she avoiding this so much?
