Cassie swallowed her frustration. It would take time to shake things up a bit. She knew that. ‘Pierre, as always I appreciate all your counsel and hard work.’
Looking slightly mollified, the older man left and when he had Cassie slumped back into the chair, snuggling Zoe close. Caius, her brother, had warned her that the old guard would be hard to encourage into modern times.
She sat up again and looked at the open folder. The first candidate was someone she was distantly related to.Euw.No. She flicked to the next candidate. A prince known for his love of illegal substances. A hard no. The next one had gambled away his family’s fortune and was known to be on the lookout for a new monarchy to feather his nest. No. The last one in the folder was gay—an open secret.No.
Cassie shut the folder and tried not to feel disheartened. If she truly felt one of them might be a possibility as her life partner then she would do her best to give them a chance. She didn’t want to be obstructive.
Even Caius, who’d partied as hard as the rest of them while he was crown prince, before ascending to the throne, had agreed to discuss forming an engagement with a crown princess from one of Europe’s most illustrious bloodlines and monarchies. That arrangement had dissolved once the scandal had hit.
But before that had happened, when Cassie had asked her brother how he could endure the thought of a marriage of convenience he’d shrugged and said, ‘This is our world, Cass. We don’t have the luxury of choosing our own partner. And in any case, it’s better like this, we both know there’s no such thing as love or happy ever afters.’
Cassie hadn’t responded to that because her dirty little secret was that she did want to believe in love and happy ever after. Especially after enduring a childhood watching two people slowly and torturously annihilate each other, spreading toxicity and infecting everything around them with cynicism.
A cynicism that her brother had embraced, telling Cassie all he needed out of a marriage was an heir and maybe a spare and no drama or histrionics.
She wasn’t even sure when this burning desire had rooted itself within her. Maybe it had its genesis in knowing she had got to live and her sister hadn’t, so she wanted a more authentic experience.
But once it had become apparent that she would become queen, she knew she couldn’t embark on that life of service with someone by her side that she only tolerated. And none of the men in that folder came even close to being tolerated, never mind a potentialrealpartner.
She wasn’t naive enough to expect actuallove, but was it too much to hope for respect? Companionship, kindness. Even passion? Although that was still an abstract concept. No one had ever stirred her desires like that. She was still a virgin. Not from lack of opportunity—she’d gone to the local university and had friends of both sexes but, as a princess, it wasn’t exactly easy to indulge in a relationship when every public move you made was studied and scrutinised. When you had your own security detail.
Her brother had cautioned her before he’d left Sadat Sur Mer, saying, ‘Cass, I know you’ve got a soft heart but you need to be strategic about who you choose. If you can find someone who will let you rule and be by your side and give you heirs, that’s all you need. You can find passion and excitement elsewhere if you’re discreet about it. This is a job.’
‘Is that what you’d planned to do?’ Cassie had asked her brother, feeling almost doubly betrayed by his blatant cynicism.
He’d shrugged. ‘Sure, and I wouldn’t have judged my queen for doing the same, as long as we were both discreet.’
But that hadn’t worked for their parents. Their respective infidelities hadn’t eased matters, they’d caused bitter tension. Cassie had always secretly suspected that her father had been in love with their beautiful mother, and he hadn’t been able to tolerate her affairs, or the fact that she didn’t love him.
Cassie sighed out loud in the massive and ornate palace private office. All the more reason for hernotto pursue finding a real relationship. Maybe her brother was right.
But then something rebellious sparked to life within her as she realised that perhaps embarking on a life of duty would be a lot more palatable if she felt she’dliveda little first.
Maybe that was why Caius had been so sanguine about a life of service with someone he would never love. Because he’d had his fun as one of the world’s most notorious playboys and he’d felt ready to settle down to a more sedate and discreet life. Cassie stood up abruptly and put the dog down.
She started to pace back and forth as a plan formed in her head. An audacious plan. She’d never rebelled in her life, too busy trying to make sure everyone around her was happy. She’d never joined the club of Euro royalty who indulged in an endless merry-go-round of exclusive parties, shopping and sybaritic opulent experiences.
She stopped pacing as it struck her that the reason she hadn’t ever indulged like that was because it didn’t really appeal. She was more introverted. She liked reading. She loved clothes and fashion but for her own pleasure, not to show off in public. She’d never been able to indulge in the side of her that veered towards bright colours and floaty ethereal dresses more suited to a free spirit than a princess.
She’d always wondered if maybe her sister would have been the more extroverted one.
But maybe she could find out what that freedom would be like. Just for a brief moment, before the world as she knew it turned into something else. A life of duty and service. Surely if she felt as if she’d taken something for herself, this desire for a more fulfilling personal life wouldn’t have such an appeal.
She just needed to live a little. To take a leaf out of her brother’s book and enjoy her freedom before it was gone for good.Maybe even lose her virginity.Her skin felt hot at that audacious idea, but it also took root. She had no desire to offer herself up to her prospective king as some kind of sacrificial virgin.
The days of expecting such archaic things were long gone and she knew well that not one of those prospective kings in the folder was a virgin. So why should she be?
But if she wanted to indulge in a last bid for freedom, she needed time, privacy and a chance to be anonymous. She knew she’d go unrecognised among throngs of people who didn’t expect to see a princess in their midst. She wouldn’t stand out in a crowd, if she didn’t want to.
Where would she find throngs of people? In a busy tourist location.
She went back to the desk and picked up the phone, summoning Pierre back into the room.
He arrived within seconds, a hopeful look on his face, no doubt because he expected her to have chosen a suitable potential king candidate. She was going to disappoint him.
Determined not to be swayed from her course of action, she said, ‘Pierre, I’m taking personal leave for the next ten days. A holiday.’
His eyes popped and his face flushed. His mouth opened but Cassie put up her hand, stopping him from saying a word. She said firmly, ‘It’s not up for discussion. Please rearrange my schedule.’
