Even without looking, she sensed Massimo did not react well to this answer. When he finally spoke, his voice held a chill that made her shiver. “A Carandini heir will not be born under threat of scandal. Wewillmarry.”
She turned to him and narrowed her eyes. “You might want to think back to what happened the last time when you demanded the terms of what I will or will not do.”
He looked away, and the lips that had been so soft against hers now formed a hard, thin line. Catarina flashed back to the look in his eyes the last time he demanded marriage. It was almost…bleak.He wasin pain. Her reaction was visceral, the memory twisting in her gut. Something about their relationship scraped at his wounds, wounds that seemed to be somehow caught up in the Carandini family name and history. This understanding settled inside her, shifting her frustration into something more complicated.
Catarina took a deep breath and tried again. “If you want me to reconsider, you need to give me reasons. Why must we marry? Why is your family name so important to you? Talk to me.Please.”
Massimo flinched at this last plea, but he said nothing. She returned her gaze to the jagged coastline that marked the European mainland, but before she could fully look away, she caught a glimpse of an expression she had seen before, the one she could only call tumultuous. Was this the expression of a man determined to bend her to his will, even if it meant breaking her, or was this something more?
The cabin of the jet was silent. Massimo must have somehow indicated to the flight attendant not to disturb them because there was no sign of anyone else. There was only Massimo across from her, his imposing body too present to ignore. The longer she sat close to him like this, the longer she could feel her body softening, longing to touch him again. It was torturous to know that he was capable of such passion and tenderness, and yet also capable of cutting it all off so coldly and suddenly. All because the condom broke. All because of the threat of an unplanned pregnancy. All because he wanted an obedience she would not—could not—give him. Not without breaking.
She caught her first glimpse of the Mediterranean, sparkling in the distance out their window. The flight was almost over.
When Massimo finally spoke, his voice was grave enough to make her turn. “Do you know the story behind the bankruptcy of our family company?”
“Only vaguely.”
“The company had been on a long descent since my grandfather’s stroke forced him to step back from the day-to-day running of the business. But the turning point was on the eve of our parents’ anniversary when they invited friends and business associates for a weekend on the ‘company’ yacht. They had anchored on a reef off a remote island and their day unfolded in its usual chaotic way. Just this close-up view of their relationship would have likely been enough to end some of these relationships.” Massimo grimaced, and Catarina could see that recounting this story was causing him pain. “The night escalated to throwing glasses and plates and culminated with my father’s demand to return to the mainland immediately. After a shouting match with the captain about protocols, my father got his way. It was only when they had returned to the wharf that some poor crewmember was allowed to point out that they had left two people behind—the president of a major shipping company they were in negotiations with and his wife. The crewmember remembered spotting the two alone in the dark waters, taking what they had intended to be a quick and romantic skinny dip. Later they learned the couple had been forced to swim over a kilometer to shore and, upon coming to land, had stumbled along the rocky beach, naked, until they had found a small fishing hut. They had spent the subsequent few days hospitalized with hypothermia.”
“That’s awful,” she said, almost to herself.
“Even without that terrible end, business relations would have likely soured after that evening, though neither of them ever seemed to understand that. To this day they blame the crewmember for not speaking up sooner.” Massimo’s expression flashed with disgust. “The disaster on the yacht was just the exclamation mark at the end of a long and winding story of the downfall of my father’s reputation and, thereby, the Carandini family’s. The day the news reached my grandfather, he had a second stroke.”
“Oh, my.” Catarina wanted to reach for him, but he felt so very far away right now.
“Alessandro and I have dedicated our lives to rebuilding the company. We have sacrificed everything for it. And yet, we cannot shake the suspicions that we are one step away from self-destruction. Business partners, the paparazzi…” Pain slashed across Massimo’s face again. “Alessandro is better at handling the pointed humor than I am. But it still haunts both of us every day of our lives.”
“A baby out of wedlock would trigger more suspicions,” she added, understanding falling into place. His expression softened as he met her gaze, and for a moment she felt their connection before he looked away. His actions over the past few days were finally starting to make sense. Massimo carried the burden of his family’s past on his shoulders, and it was crushing him.
His gaze was solemn. “Maybe Alessandro, with his well-known flings, could get away with it, but not me.”
“It must be hard to live like that. Always vigilant,” she said softly. “Your parents must be grateful for everything you’ve done.”
The corners of his mouth turned down.
“The most generous interpretation of my parents’ relationship with my brother and me is that the intensity of their fights and passionate reconciliations doesn’t leave them the energy to consider their impact on their children. The likely truth is that they simply don’t care.” He kept his eyes on the window, and his expression was stark.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about how two people could become so careless, and I still haven’t come up with anything other than selfishness. I will do everything in my power to make sure no child of mine has that experience.”
There was an anguish in his words, a despair that suggested his demands were about so much more than his getting his own way. He had alluded to his parents’ absence over dinner as the background to the summer he and Alessandro spent at their grandparents’ estate; but this time, she heard devastation in his voice. And why wouldn’t it be there? He had been a boy once. Vulnerable. Catarina had lived her entire life around her mother, and this loss was still a gaping hole, even four years after the funeral. His parents were still alive yet forever out of reach.
Just a man.
“I’m so very sorry this was your experience,” she said quietly. “But I’m sure you know marriage doesn’t have to be like this.”
“This is a risk.” He gestured between the two of them as the dam of his emotion threatened to burst. “For the last two days I could think of nothing but you. And the idea of a baby…” He shook his head. “Everything could fall apart again.”
Catarina thought back to those first moments in the library of her home. There had been a connection between them, and he had tried to quash it.Just like he was doing right now. She wanted to reach for him, to comfort him, and yet she was almost sure he would turn her away. Where did she go from here?
“I should know within a week whether or not I am pregnant,” she said. “We can decide what to do from there.”
He was silent.
“If there is a baby, another week won’t matter,” she added.
“We cannot ignore the engagement dinner I scheduled.” Just a few days ago, she may have mistaken this stillness, this blank look, for detachment, but right now, she understood that there was a well of emotion behind it. But that didn’t take away from the fact that he was still pushing the engagement, despite everything she had said.
