“Well, Pete, you have to give the ‘family fuck up’ title to this guy tonight,” Kim says with a wink.
Settling Pete back firmly on his feet, I rush up the steps and kiss each of their cheeks in greeting before stepping inside. They can be on Pete's watch now. It's not on me if he trips up the steps. Heading to the kitchen, I put the stash of wine on the counter and move around the island to grab glasses for everyone. I lift my head as they filter in behind me.
“Let the pity party begin?” I ask with a sigh because this is not a party, more like a wake, a funeral for my love life.
"Oh, Drew, come here." Val crosses the kitchen and takes me in her arms. My eyes are already moistening. How does she do that? Is it because she's a mom that she has the power to pull tears from unsuspecting brothers?
“Family hug!” comes from the rest of them. I couldn’t stop the tears even if I tried. This is way better than a mom hug, but don’t ever tell that to my mom. They crush me from all sides, and I just stand there with my wet face, letting all of their love seep into me by osmosis.
"Is it that bad?" Kim asks in a soft tone, still attached to my left side, her head leaning on my bicep. Her concern is evident. It's evident in all of them: This is why I came here, after all. These are my people.
“He compared me to Josh,” I say through clenched teeth.
“His ex?” Pete’s eyes were huge now. “What the hell did you do?”
“Let’s open that wine and talk then. It’ll be easier to digest whatever you’re about to say.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
They finally let me go, and I resumed opening the vintage red I picked up on the way over, hoping that the more expensive the bottle, the quicker it would get me drunk. Filling our glasses, we all move as one to the living room, and I relay the whole story and every word Ryan said. By the time I finished, they were all staring at me in what I assume is pity, but maybe it’s shock at my stupidity.
“I thought he was just as busy as I was, with the art show and everything. It didn’t occur to me that he felt that way.” I try to explain, but even to my own ears, it sounds ignorant.
“He didn’t say anything? Not even a hint that he was angry?” Val asked like she was sure I missed something.
“I don’t think so. The fact is that I was so invested in that case, I might have missed signs, you know,” I admit with a sigh before draining my glass and pouring another.
“We don’t know the true nature of your relationship, so it’s difficult to say why, but maybe he expected you to be more perceptive.” Kim tried to explain. Maybe she’s right, no, not maybe. She is right. Shit, I made a huge mess. “Besides the obvious things, was the spark still there between you?”
“You mean sex?” Not that I’m surprised by the question. We’re not prudes by any means. We discuss that kind of thing all the time. She nods, and I need to think before I answer. “Well, yes and no.”
“What do you mean yes and no?” Pete interjected. “You either fucked like rabbits, or you didn’t?”
“We had sex, sure. I mean not as often, and it wasn’t the same as usual, but I was tired most nights,” I say, almost defensively.
“Ooooh, now we have to know what USUAL means. What is it? Are you two kinky motherfuckers?” Pete asks, eyebrows wiggling at me.
"I'm not telling you anything, you little shit." The chances of him dropping this were slim. I can already see the questions turning over in his head even as I shake mine in warning, but it's already too late.
“Oh my god, what is it? Are you swingers? Do you dress up as Darth Vader and Princess Leia!?” he asks, far too invested in my sex life at this point. Both Kim and Val squeal with laughter as I roll my eyes and stand up to leave.
"Noooo don't go. We're just joking around." Val grabs my arm and pulls me back down on the couch beside her.
“Come on, seriously, we need a plan to get Ryan back so Andrew can have all the kinky sex he wants forever and ever, period.”
“Jesus Christ, why did I come here again?” I mutter as the Cliffer family planning session commences. Thankfully, without any further references to my sex life, or lack thereof, I guess.
The fact our sex life had dwindled to barely anything should have been all the sign I needed that things weren’t right between us. Ryan and I had always been pure fire in bed.
~~
2 years ago
It’s the third Friday in a row that I’m walking into JACKS.
Last time, I ended up chatting with Ryan for half the night. He was so fun to talk to. And there were these brief moments when he touched me, brushed his hand along mine, or bumped his foot into mine under the table where we ended up after his set finished.
Every time, I felt like an electric current ran through my body. It was addictive. I wanted to feel it more and more. That night, we said our goodbyes in the parking lot without so much as a kiss, and fuck, I wanted that kiss, but what I got was a wave of a hand and an awkward ‘See you around, Cap’ from him.
