Being careful not to jostle myself too much, I crossed the floor, avoiding Fish, and lowered myself into the chair with a slow exhale, setting the crutches aside.
The J & J Hourhad been my entire world for so long. It was what pushed me through the uncertain time after Jane and all the feelings I experienced. Grieving for her was like a wheel I was stuck on for years, spinning through anger, disbelief, and back to anger. It took years before I could even move towards acceptance, and even then, I kept slipping back into disbelief again and again.The show was always my anchor, but just thinking about opening the computer made my chest feel tight, not excited.
Kipp and I had already talked about the next moves even before the assault, but that had solidified the decision for me to move forward with the initial plan that I’d talked to him about. Marketing was something I could do from home. Maybe another week off and I would be good to go.
Opening my laptop, I touched the trackpad with my thumb, letting the lock screen light up before typing in the passcode. As soon as I logged in to my web browser, chat notifications started popping up. They’d been beside themselves when they’d found out about the attack. Nova had hacked into Wildwood Meadows PD dispatch, but I’d promised not to tell. Apparently, she’d heard the callout and told the others. From there, they’d done their hacking mojo.
Nova
You alive over there?
Poppy
Please tell me your new man is taking care of you.
Storm
Status check.
Still alive. Logging in now.
Clicking into the video chat, I pinged them and waited as the screens began to fill as they came online during the live call.
Nova appeared first, her dark curls pulled into a signature messy bun, wearing an oversized hoodie with an unmistakable ketchup stain.
Poppy followed, with her grey hair back in a bun and a coffee mug in her hand. She looked like she might have come in from the garden or from organizing a marathon. The fun part was that we didn’t know which it was.
Storm came in last, his camera slightly off angle, face half-shadowed, with a neutral, unreadable expression that had always made him impossible to read fully.
“Look at you,” Poppy said gently. “Upright. At your laptop. Is that a desk? I feel like we should throw a parade.”
“Don’t encourage her,” Nova shot back. “Kipp will appear out of nowhere like a forest god and drag her back to the couch.” She gave me a shy smile. “He’s very handsome. I’m glad you found someone, Hattie. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Nova. He won’t be interrupting us today.” Kipp had shut down a voice call we’d tried to set up a week ago. He’d said that I needed a nap when, in reality, he just wanted to make me come. I blushed. “He’s in town, so I have a little breathing space for now.”
“He’s just making sure you’re okay. Give the guy a break. You had a close call.” Storm’s gaze flicked over me, sharp and assessing.
“Feel better than I look,” I said honestly. It was still difficult to fix my hair or get in and out of the shower, and no matter how much Kipp pampered me, it was still hard to get everything just the way I did when I was well. My shoulder remained sore, and I was still tired. Healing was tough work. The bruises were fading, but they were still ghastly. Getting whaled on by a full-sized man didn’t go so well.“Every day is better, though.” I took a breath. “I wanted to talk to you about the podcast.”
Nova’s expression shifted instantly. “Okay.”
Poppy and Storm didn’t look surprised. Both waited for me to continue, their eyes steady on me, while Nova’s anxiety was almost palpable through the screen. She was the youngest of us, and I knew she didn’t like change.
“You’ve been the very best team that I could have asked for, and you know that I have appreciated you more than I can say.” We had gone over similar ground just a week ago, but it was important for me to reiterate it. “But I’m stepping back fully. I won’t be doing the podcast anymore.”
“Like? At all?” Nova was the first to speak. “Temporarily? Or…?”
“Not temporarily,” I said. “Not taking a break. If you need my advice, of course, then I’m just a phone callaway, but if you decide to keep going with it, then it’ll be your baby.”
Poppy exhaled slowly, nodding once, but she seemed to be calm. “I figured this was coming.”
Storm leaned forward slightly. “You’re reacting to trauma.”
“Perhaps, but I’m also listening to myself for the first time in years. I don’t want to live inside this world anymore. I don’t want to delve into death, violence, and darkness every day. When I startedThe J & J Hour, it was important to me to find a way to process Jane’s disappearance. Her death.” Even now, it was hard for me to say it. “But now…”
Nova opened her mouth, then closed it again.
Poppy spoke calmly. “You don’t have to worry about anything, Hattie. We understand that you’re ready to move on and start a new chapter.”
