Page 47 of Midlife in Hell


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“Next time? What the fuck?”

Was it just me or did all these bastards know I was Lucifer’s daughter and were gunning for me? Damn him for looking so much like me. I was pretty much useless in this fight. I had no magic, and I sucked at throwing knives. I just had to hang back, and I hated it.

Those imps were tiny and ugly, but they were also super fast. They were pretty adept at dodging magic and kicks. It was like getting in a fight with a toddler you gave cocaine and a knife. It looked as annoying, too.

“You don’t have some devil super power to take them out?” I yelled as I dodged a bolt of sickly-green magic.

“I do, but it would also take out your demons and probably you because your magic hasn’t come in yet.”

“Yeah, definitely don’t do that then.”

“Your lover could handle this in two seconds,” Satan pointed out. “I was always against that law.”

“Is this a trick?” Nero asked.

“Do youwantto deal with a bunch of imps the hard way when you have the power to deal with this? My wife is a Succubus. I’d let her save the day any old time.”

“Excellent,” Nero said, cracking his neck.

I’d seen his wings before. They were like these glorious dragon wings. They were black with a green-iridescent shine. His wings popped out and this pulse emanated from him. It blew my hair back, but it didn’t affect me at all. The imps all got this dopey look on their faces and hit the ground.

“Badass. Hey, how come Nero can take them out without knocking the rest of us out, but you can’t without smiting four of us?” I asked.

Satan just chuckled.

“You can thank Lilith for that. She thought our creator was a little too liberal with collateral damage. She refined the demons.”

Before I could even comment, my back exploded with pain. I buckled to my knees and cried out. This hurt worse than anything I’d ever experienced before. Did Nero miss an imp and one of them threw a knife in my back? I couldn’t imagine anything else hurting like this.

Another wave of pain hit me and this one was worse than the first. It was so bad, I blacked out.

Celix ran straight to Sydney and demanded to know what was happening. But I already knew because the same thing happened to me. I might not have said much, but Ihadbeen listening. This wasn’t supposed to happen to her yet. I wasn’t sure of the exact time frame, but this should have been a ways off.

I looked to Wrathhog and Satan because they had more experience with Sydney’s kind than I did. Eventheylooked confused, like this shouldn’t be happening.

“What’s happening?” Celix demanded.

“Her wings are coming in,” I said. “It’s different for half breeds. It’s sheer agony until they decide to come out. Should this even be happening right now?” I asked.

“No, it shouldn’t,” Satan said. “Even our children that are half angel-half demon don’t get their wings this quickly. Kir didn’t get his this early, so it’s not a Lucifer thing. Something else is going on. Sydney might have something interesting from her human side. Someone, carry her. Lucifer is going to have those answers and we know where he is now.”

Celix scooped her up, and I immediately took her from him. Celix scowled at me but it was just logical I be the one to protect her. Apparently, Iwasa seer and a powerful one, but I was still in the baby stages and just dreaming. I never got a full view in the dream.

I saw the cage bars and one imp. I hadn’tseenthe ghosts or the army of imps that had ambushed us. If I kidnapped the King of Hell, I’d have left a ton of protection. One imp was just a menace, but when there were a bunch of them that wanted to fight, you really didn’t want to be out on the street. There were only a few demons who could easily take them out, and it was illegal for one of them to do that.

Sydney needed someone with wings who could get her out of there if things went sideways when we found the cage. The Incubi were stronger than the Furies in the sense that they could overload someone’s brain with senses and knock them out, but Furies weremuchfaster.

So, yeah, it should be me that was holding her right now. I definitely wasn’t noticing that she smelled like red musk, honey, and spices because of the bath products Lucifer bought. I definitely wasn’t noticing that I liked that or how it felt holding her.

Because she was just going to insult me or assault my nuts again. Best not get attached to the crazy ones with fathers who could smite you. I wasn’t stupid. Celix and Nero would come around and realize this.

“Listen, the three of you hang back with Sydney while my daughter and I see what’s waiting by the cage. We can fully use our magic without worrying about hurting you. She’s going to be vulnerable until her wings come in and then again for a while after they are fully in. She picked you, so take care of her. We’re on the right track to finding Lucifer and youreallydon’t want to know how he’s going to get when he meets her. If she breaks a nail and he thinks it’s your fault, he’s going to be a total dick about it.”

Awesome. I’d never met the King of Hell and neither had she, but it was clear where she got it from. Nero and Celix crowded around me as Satan and Wrathhog scouted ahead. I nearly dropped her when her entire body bowed and she cried out in pain.

Fuck. My mother was a shit parent, and I’d had to endure this, but I’d extensively researched Cambion kids in case any that came after me also had shit parents. I didn’t know if it worked on Sydney’s kind, but there was a salve for Cambion with wings. My mother didn’t get it for me because she said I was a weak little shit and the pain would toughen me up. I didn’t thinkanyoneshould have to go through that kind of pain.

Her body was shaking with pain and I couldn’t do shit about it out here. The ingredients were only available in Hell. I knew enough to know sometimes wings came out early in times of stress and we didn’t exactly bring her back to a loving father and a stable Hell. She’d had nothing but shit thrown at her so far.