Maggie swallowed, enraptured by the tale. “What happened to your family?” she asked, fearing the worst. She had heard similar stories, but many of them didn’t have happy endings.
At this, he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Instantly, she felt the tension melt away, if only a fraction. “Church took care of family, helped mother find honest work and accepted me into seminary, then as acolyte. As you can see, I have had good, long life as priest even though I made mistake as young man. That is point I am trying to make; it is okay to make mistakes, Detective.”
Tears filled Maggie’s eyes at this. She hadn’t expected the impromptu story to circle back around to her own situation and now that it had, she wasn’t sure what to tell the man. Had it been anyone else, she’d have told them to fuck off, but Anatoly wasn’t being condescending. He had shared something vulnerable about himself with her and in doing so, tried to offer wisdom and counsel.
It cut to the core of her heart, to the weakness dwelling beneath her tough exterior. She felt her hands shaking and clenched them into fists on her lap in an effort to stop them. “I don’t need absolution from you, Father,” she choked out, trying and failing to keep her fortress in place, but it was too late; he had snuck past her defenses.
“That is okay,” he replied, his tone sounding more amused than offended. “I am speaking less as priest and more as friend. At least, I would very much like for us to be friends, Detective.”
She couldn’t help but scoff, not out of disrespect to his proposal, but because she was so accustomed to people distancing themselves from her. Even her own mother had cut ties four years ago. “You don’t understand,” she insisted, wiping at her nose. “I slept with my commanding officer, not just once, but in secret for almost two years.”
Anatoly seemed to be considering her words, mulling them over before he answered. “You have broken it off, da?”
“He did, when people found out,” she replied, feeling the sting of that betrayal as though it had just happened. “They said it was me or the job and he chose the job.”
“If that was his choice, then I think you are better off without him, nyet?” Anatoly didn’t hesitate in his reply and the adamant manner in which he said it, took her by surprise.
Maggie stared down at her own hands, the old emotions weighing on her chest to the point that breathing was difficult. She didn’t like being so sensitive, even just in the presence of one person. Better to suck it up until she was alone in her shitty apartment with only her stupid cat to see her fall apart.
Before she could think of what to say in response, Anatoly’s strong hand covered both of hers, his fingers squeezing gently. His supportive touch drew her glassy eyes back to his face.
His gaze was gentle, but intense as he whispered, “whether you seek absolution or not, God has already forgiven you, Maggie. All that remains is for you to forgive yourself.”
The tears she’d been fighting against finally fell, splashing down her cheeks. Even though it made her head hurt again, she shook it stubbornly. “I’m not ready…” she croaked and meant it. “Can I ask you something personal, Father?”
“Anatoly, please,” he corrected softly. “And da, what is on your mind?”
Maggie hesitated for just a moment, but curiosity burned in her. She had to know if he could possibly understand what she was feeling. “Have you ever been in love, Anatoly?”
He blushed and cleared his throat, once again adjusting on the step. “I have not,” he finally admitted.
“I don’t think I have either,” she confessed, regret rising up to choke her. “I thought I loved Declan once, but then I realized it was all a crock of shit.”
Anatoly stared back at her, compassion and uncertainty both written on his face. It was clear he was struggling to reply and she saved him from doing so by abruptly standing. She instantly missed the weight of his hand on hers, but she would never admit that to anyone.
“I should get back in case they have news on when I can get out of this hell hole,” she told him as she moved down the stairs to the door. “You’re welcome to wait with me or leave if you need to. And, Anatoly, thank you.”
Chapter Nine
Maggie was cleared and released from the hospital just a few hours before dawn. They shared a cab, first to Anatoly’s parish where they said goodbye and then Maggie continued to her apartment.
Once again, she trekked up the flights of stairs to her floor and once again she was greeted by a hungry Gremlin. By now, her head was throbbing and she was desperate to rest, but her brain wouldn’t shut off.
She spent the first thirty minutes of being home searching the space for anything out of place. She was looking for something that hinted an uninvited guest had visited while she wasn’t home, but if anyone had been there, they’d left no sign. The closets were clear, the bathroom and shower equally empty. Even after checking every lock and window, she was still on edge.
Part of her lamented that she’d had to say goodbye to Anatoly. His presence was so reassuring, it was easy to feel safe, and now that he was gone, she felt nothing but vulnerable.
With a sigh, she moved to the recliner and flopped down. Most days, she slept here rather than in her big lonely bed. Gremlin would frequently join her, curling up at her feet or on her lap. It probably wasn’t good for her spine, but it’s where she felt the most safe.
As the sun rose, Maggie settled under her blankets and was almost asleep when her phone buzzed. The detective let out a groan and grabbed it to see who was messaging her so early. She had exchanged phone numbers with Anatoly and a piece of her wanted it to be him checking in.
It wasn’t.
Her eyes scanned the note from her bad date. He wanted to try seeing each other again. That took her by surprise. Hadn’t she run out on him to go to a crime scene? She almost blocked his number, but her talk with Anatoly stopped her. It had been difficult since her relationship with Declan blew up in her face, and though she’d tried getting back out there, had she really given it her all?
The answer to that was plain. She’d run out on her last date after all. Perhaps he deserved a second chance, a real chance, before she severed all contact. There were no obvious red flags from the guy, he’d just been a bit boring and at this point she wasn’t convinced that was entirely his fault. She needed this. Even if it didn’t work out, she felt compelled to try.
She tapped out a quick response, asking if he wanted to get dinner soon, and within seconds, he replied yes. They continued to talk for the next hour, sorting out details and then sharing a bit of small talk. Then, he had to leave for work and she needed to sleep, so they agreed to see each other in a few days and said goodbye.
