She just couldn’t take it anymore and she knew it was safe to fall apart once the door was closed. Anatoly was safe. As he kneeled beside her, Maggie reached for him, fell into him, and took strength from him despite how cold his body was. He was never quite as warm as normal, but he made up for it by having a kind heart and gentle touch.
While she sat there, lost in her own mind and unable to form words, Anatoly soothed her in Russian, his hand tenderly rubbing her back. It was beyond pleasant. It was healing.
“I’m okay,” she whispered what felt like only a few minutes later. Her breathing was returning to normal and she was beginning to feel calm again. The tightness in her chest had abated as well. “She just has a way of getting under my skin.”
Anatoly shifted his position and it was then Maggie realized she’d been kneeling on the ground for a lot longer than she thought. “She is challenging woman, it is true.”
Maggie scoffed. “That’s just a polite way of saying she’s a bitch.”
He immediately started to stammer, attempting to better explain himself until Maggie put a finger to his lips to silence him. She couldn’t help it; despite the situation and the queasy feeling in her stomach, she found him irresistibly cute when he was befuddled.
“I know what you meant,” she reassured him, a hint of a smile tugging at one corner of her mouth. Just for a moment and then she was somber again, thinking back to better days when her mother wasn’t nearly so vapid and toxic.
She dropped her hand back to her lap and was surprised when Anatoly’s rested over hers. Her eyes flicked to his gaze which was warm and full of compassion.
“She wasn’t always like that…” Maggie confessed.
“Something changed,” Anatoly ventured, his expression one of gentleness. “You do not have to tell me…”
Maggie was already shaking her head before he could get the statement completely out of his mouth. “Once I might have kept it to myself, but not after everything we’ve been through together. No secrets includes me.”
“I meant only, if you are not ready,” he explained.
“There’s really not much to tell,” she countered. “My dad was in the military and that’s why we moved around a lot. Elmendorf was the last place we were stationed as a family. One day, Mom announced she was done, she didn’t want to be a military wife anymore. I was fourteen when they divorced and Patricia got full custody. I really don’t know what changed. They’d always seemed happy to me… But I guess that’s just the rose-tinted view of a child.”
The whole time she spoke, Anatoly showed her he was listening. His eyes never left her face; his hand remained firmly on hers. He never wavered and Maggie found that steadfast nature soothing. It helped her tell the short, but emotional story when normally she’d keep such a sad sob tale to herself.
“Must have been difficult,” Anatoly offered gently. “Did Mother ever say why she changed mind?”
Maggie shook her head no.
“And father? Is he still in Anchorage?” He sounded genuinely curious.
“Not for a long time,” Maggie admitted. “He shipped out on tour and never looked back. We video call sometimes, but he’s never been back to Alaska and I’ve never wanted to leave.”
There was a frown on Anatoly’s face at that and he looked as if he wanted to say something, but was holding back. She squeezed his hand, hoping to encourage him. Whatever he thought, she could take it.
“Is his loss,” Anatoly finally said, his tone as frank as she’d ever heard it before. “Patricia’s also. You are amazing woman, Maggie. Worth knowing, worth loving. I promise never to let you forget.” Then he leaned in and sweetly kissed her cheek.
Maggie heard every word and still sat there in stunned silence after he finished speaking them. Nobody had ever said such a thing to her before and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with the compliment or the promise. When he pressed his lips to her cheek, she shivered down to her core.
“Why are you so good to me?” she whispered, searching his face for answers that soon became obvious when his expression softened. She suddenly wasn’t sure she was ready to hear what he had to say, but she remained quiet anyway, waiting.
Then, Anatoly blushed, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “I have been trying to find right time to tell you, but perhaps this is best moment… Ya tebya lyublyu,” he said in Russian.
Maggie frowned slightly. “What does that mean?”
Anatoly took her hand and laid her palm against his chest, right over his heart. “It means… I love you,” he whispered softly, as if it were just for her ears.
To Maggie, it felt like a million butterflies had erupted in her stomach. Declan had said those words to her and she’d never quite believed them. Never quite believed she was worth being loved. But here was Anatoly, gazing imploringly into her eyes and holding her hand over his heart as though he were trying to convince her that his words weren’t just true, but that she was worthy of them. It was every bit as mind-numbing as his kisses, and so she sat there, staring at him dumbfounded.
“I do not expect reciprocation,” he started to say, his tone nervous and his words coming so quickly it was difficult to understand around his accent, but Maggie could tell he was drowning in uncertainty, and she was determined to save him.
Not knowing what to say and still working her feelings out, she took hold of the front of his shirt and pulled him into a hot kiss.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Maggie’s kiss was most unexpected. One second Anatoly was confessing his feelings, then floundering, and now her warm lips were heating his entire body. He returned her passion ounce for ounce, pouring his love into the gesture so that she could feel it as well as hear it.
