I ended up having a dream about Will and one of our many nights together. Imagine my surprise when I woke up withouta stitch of clothing. Jenny was equally naked. I felt sick to my stomach.
I couldn’t believe I allowed that to happen.
To add insult to injury, she told me I called her Dimples. After she told me that, I could barely look at her. I told her I had shit to do and she needed to leave. She was thrown off by my harsh tone, but quickly got dressed.
I didn’t know how to describe it, but I could feel Will while I was standing in the doorway. I wanted to die when I looked over and saw him standing a few feet away on the verge of crying.
He was already giving me the cold shoulder. I knew this would be the thing to push him away for good. But, still, I had to try. He blocked me as soon as I texted him, but that didn’t deter me. I changed my number, but he blocked that one too. We played that back-and-forth game until eventually he stopped blocking me and just settled for ignoring me.
That drove me even crazier. I couldn’t understand how he was probably reading everything I had to say and didn’t respond. I knew I fucked up, but love didn’t just turn off. If it did, it was never real.
And we were real.
Everything about us. I didn’t realize how dependent I was on having him in my life until he walked away from me. All the encouraging text messages throughout the day were gone. His bubbly personality and humor were gone. His sweet kisses and random moments of professing his love were gone. Holding him in my arms every night after making love to him was gone.
Will had shown me a new way of living, and I didn’t want to be without it.
Being around the guys made it harder. They were claiming their women left and right and making babies. Living out the life I wanted with Will. I tried not to let jealousy kick in, but Icouldn’t help it. In no way was I angry with the guys, though. They deserved all the happiness they were receiving.
I questioned myself so many times. Thor and Big Red claiming their women was an eye opener for me. Although we didn’t share the same trauma, they were much like me—haunted by their past and not willing to settle down. But that all changed when their Ol’ Ladies entered the picture.
Both of them are married now. Thor’s Ol’ Lady, Madison, just gave birth to their daughter, Macey. Alice was also seven months pregnant with a little boy they were naming Caleb. Big Red didn’t want to wait for her to give birth to marry her, so they recently tied the knot.
Speaking of their wedding, it was what started this downward spiral I was going through. It had nothing to do with them. It was Will. Paul had graciously offered his hotel to Big Red and Alice to have their wedding. He even reserved two floors and gave everyone a room. I went to that wedding, excited that I would finally be in the same space as Will again. All that excitement was killed when he showed up with a fuckin’ date.
I could barely keep my eyes off them during the ceremony. By the time we got to the reception in the ballroom, I had to get a drink. The thoughts running through my mind were so unlike me. If I hadn’t had something to relax me, Will’s date would have ended up lying in a pool of his own blood.
I’ll never forget that night.
“Tech, are you alright?” Gunner asked me as he sat in the stool next to me at the bar.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, taking a heavy swig.
“You sure? You’ve been drinking a lot lately.”
I turned to him and saw the concern in his eyes, but I didn’t care. I was far too gone. “What are you? My mother? I said I’m fine,” I snapped.
Gunner opened and closed his mouth before walking off, shaking his head. I turned to the bartender, lifting my glass for another. She stared at me with a worried expression before filling it.
I shifted my gaze to the dance floor, and I swear, my soul was leaving my body. Will and his date were grinding and holding on to each other. He was giving that fucker that perfect dimpled smile that was supposed to be just for me. I knew I fucked up and was probably coming off as unreasonable, but Will was mine.
The evil thoughts were back. I had to get this guy away from Will before I committed a homicide. I started making my way over to the happy couple. I was drunk, but not as much as I was pretending to be when I stumbled and spilled my drink on his date. That expensive white button-down shirt was now brown.
“Shit, man! This is Versace!” he shouted.
I stared at him, thinking about all the things I wanted to do to him. “My bad.”
“Your bad?! You’re going to pay for this.”
That sounded like a threat. It looked like Will’s date was going to give me exactly what I wanted.
“Are you asking me or telling me?” I stepped forward, ready to let out all this pent-up aggression.
“Not here, Tech. This is Red and Alice’s wedding. Walk away,” Viper ordered.
I knew I couldn’t ignore a direct order from him without facing consequences, so I nodded my head and walked away. I made my way out of the ballroom and to my suite. I knew if I stayed any longer, I was going to lose it.
As soon as I was in my room, I fell on the bed and let sleep take me.
