He hesitated on his answer.
I do want that. Just to prove that I can. Just to prove that I am not what everyone says of me, and what I know of myself…
“Say yes,” Olivia pleaded. “Better than reading! That is boring.”
“I am fine, thank you,” Ronan said sharply, snatching at his book and opening it. “I am happy to eat alone.” And then, because he felt he must, because he wanted to put this conversation behind him, he went back to looking down at his book.
Thalia did not respond immediately. Nor did she leave. He could see her out of the corner of his eyes, watching him. And as she did, he hoped that she would press him, that she would not take no for an answer. At least not without a fight.
“As you say,” she said finally, quick to leave the room.
Ronan stared at the page as he listened to Thalia’s footsteps fade through the castle. His heart was racing and his stomach knotted because he felt more guilty than he should have done.
On the surface of it all, Ronan was convinced he had done the right thing. He was determined not to get too close to Thalia or her daughter. He was resolved in his desire to keep his walls erected so he might live in peace behind them. But those walls were crumbling and through them the truth was starting to appear.
He was nowhere near as satisfied with his life as he liked to believe. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he found someone who seemed to understand that about him. Just as they appeared willing to do something about it…
A shame that I ruined it before I was even given the chance. But such things are for the best, and one day, I pray that Thalia will come to realize it. Things will just be easier that way.
Twelve
“Why doesn’t he like me?” Olivia asked as Thalia tucked her into bed.
“What?” Thalia pulled back, caught by surprise at the question. “Who?”
She scrunched her face. “His Grace. I don’t think he likes me very much.”
Do not ever think that, Olivia. Of course he likes you.” She felt her chest tighten at what she suspected to be a lie. She hated lying to her daughter. “His Grace is just… he is a man who likes to be left alone. It is not personal, I promise you.”
“But why?” She was in bed now, the covers pulled up to her chin, but her blue eyes were watery and always curious. “Being alone is not fun.”
Thalia laughed softly. “It is for some people.”
“But why?” she asked again, unable to fathom the concept.
Thalia sat down on the bed, stroking her daughter’s face. “He has simply lived alone for so long that he has come to enjoy the value of his own company. That is all.”
“I think he is sad,” she said.
“Why do you say that?”
Olivia opened her mouth wide in a yawn, wiggling herself beneath the blankets to find comfort. “I just think he is. Lonely too. Nobody likes to be alone.”
“Maybe you are right about that.”
“And he is not alone…” She yawned again, her eyelids starting to droop. “Not now. We… we are… we…” She drifted off to sleep before she could finish her thought.
Thalia smiled with love at her daughter, utterly taken by how adorable she was. And how perceptive, at that.
All this time, I assumed the duke either hated me or was so used to his own company that he wanted nothing to do with us. But what if Olivia is right, and he is simply lonely? And that is he too afraid to say so?
But did that make a difference? Thalia extended the invitation to supper earlier on a whim, feeling a sudden need to offer an olive branch because she could not stomach living beneath the same roof as a man who refused to say more than two words to her. He turned her down sharply, proving without question that he did not wish to spend any time with them.
Lonely or not, the duke was set in his ways, and Thalia wasn’t about to try and change them. She still could not say if she wanted to.
In truth, except for this evening, it was easy enough to forget that the duke even existed. He did not join them for supper. He did not join them for breakfast. And throughout the day, where he might have been home, Thalia never saw or heard so much as a peep from him. The castle was large in size, and he was an expert at keeping to himself.
The only reason she might have wanted to change that was for Olivia’s sake. She could not understand why or how, but for some reason, the little girl had taken a keen interest in the duke. And to think that interest would not be returned hurt and angered her.
