Her hand is still on my arm. I want to place my hand over hers, but I know if I move an inch she’ll retreat. I want to tell her she doesn’t have to rehash all of this right now, but I’ve felt drawn to Alis from the moment I met her and I won’t waste any opportunity to get to know her better. After another deep breath, she continues.
“Moving to Grand River has been … different. I had a plan in place to move here and finish school, to keep focusing on work and Sunny. I never considered how moving to a new city would impact me personally.” She laughs. “For crying out loud, before the night we met, I hadn’t kissed a man in nine years!”
That catches my attention. “Really?” I ask. She nods slowly, a small smile gracing her lips. “Really. My life has revolved around work and Sunny. And now, work, school, and Sunny. I didn’t even consider meeting someone or changing up my routine.”
Screw caution. I take a small step closer to her and sweep an errant hair behind her ear. Looking into her eyes, I ask, “Is changing up your routine so bad?”
Alis swallows. “I don’t know if it’s bad, but it’s overwhelming. Not to mention terrifying.” I want to kiss her again so badly, but the vulnerability in her eyes assures me that kissing her will only scare her away.
I smile at her and slowly take a step back. “I understand. And I’m sorry if I’ve contributed to you feeling overwhelmed.”
“It’s not just you. It’s everything. I’m still trying to find my footing in a new place, with new people. I’m not only working through my own transition but also helping Sunny acclimate to a new school and new friends. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it eventually and be more open to people, but right now I need to navigate within my own boundaries. At least for a while.”
I nod. “I respect your boundaries — well, today’s behavior aside.”
She laughs. “I definitely didn’t expect you to show up on my doorstep.”
I run my hand through my hair. “Yeah, well. I really was worried something serious was wrong with you. Your emails haven’t been very forthcoming.”
“I know. And I apologize for that. Last week when I left it was because Sunny was throwing up and had to leave school. I thought I’d be back in a day or two, but then I woke up Friday with the same virus. I finally started feeling better yesterday afternoon and took today as a final recovery day before Sunny and I get back into our normal routine.”
“I’m glad you’re both feeling better and that you took the time you needed,” I assure her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
She nods, her smile gentle and soft. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."
As she opens her door, she offers a small, warm wave. I pivot, steering myself toward the exit. The sound of the door closing doesn’t reach my ears, but I don’t dare turn to check in case she’s watching me. That’s not true. I don’t turn to check because I don’t want to feel the disappointment ofnotseeing her watch me leave.
NINETEEN
Alis
To saythe last few days have been overwhelming and annoying is an understatement. Not two seconds after walking back into our apartment, Skye and Sunny were on me like white on rice.
“Oh. My. God. I CANNOT believe he actually came over!” Skye went full-on woo girl for the next few hours, turning every sentence into an exclamation followed by squeals released at unprecedented decibels. I’d never seen her that hyper and loud when sober, but apparently a hot guy showing up at our place is stronger than any liquor.
Sunny wasn’t much better. She kept trying to weasel her way into the conversation, which was really one-sided — Skye blabbing all around me while I kept quiet and tried to ignore her. I still can’t believe Skye talked about Dexter openly in front of her. Not once in her entire life has Sunny seen or heard of me with a man in a romantic sense. The men back home were either married, solid cases of failure-to-launch, friend-zoned, complete imbeciles, or tourists passing through. No thanks. And even if I had met a single, eligible bachelor in our hometown, I doubt I would have paid attention because I was laser-focused on work and Sunny.
I still can’t believe how many conflicting emotions have run through me since we moved to Grand River. I mean, seriously, hasn’t life messed with my carefully-laid plans enough for one lifetime? I know if we had stayed in Moraine I’d have had a happy, calm life. I also know I’d always wonder what I could have accomplished had I gone back to school.
I pride myself on thinking through every possible outcome before making a decision, but none of the scenarios I played out in my head come close to reality. I guess because I hadn’t been attracted to anyone in so many years, I didn’t factor in any sort of romantic entanglement in my mental list of potential complications resulting from moving and starting afresh.
It’s not that I have never desired the love story; I just haven’t ever met someone who piqued my interest enough to distract me from my educational and career aspirations, or from raising my daughter. Every time I refer to Dexter as a ‘distraction’ Skye reprimands me and says, “Having a partner is not a distraction. You can’t cut a steak with only a fork.” I have no idea where she comes up with her analogies, nor do I always understand them, but I’ve decided to keep quiet and nod in agreement whenever she dishes out her ‘wisdom’ to avoid poking the bear.More like poking a pissed-off chihuahua. Snippy, that one.
Finally, Friday has arrived, Skye is once again out of town for the weekend, and today is my last day on campus for a few days. Praise the Lord, I can finally take a deep breath and decompress after a week of conflicting emotions and constant badgering.
I’m strolling through campus, enjoying the crisp fall air and marveling at the many-colored leaves painting the trees, when Brody approaches and disrupts my moment of serenity.Why can’t I have one day when people just leave me alone? I just want to enjoy all the colors of fall in peace.
“Hey, Alis, how’s it going?” Brody readjusts his backpack straps that slipped down during his apparent jog to get to me. I try my best to wipe the look of annoyance off my face before turning toward him.
“Hey, Brody. I’m good, and you?” I manage to put a smile on myface, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. He doesn’t seem to notice and starts to prattle on about how he’s doing well and how his week has gone. I’m only half listening to him, continuing to stare up at all the orange, red, and yellow leaves hovering overhead as we continue to walk across campus toward my meeting with Dr. Matthews. Out of nowhere I step on an untied shoelace and stumble forward, bending my knees to break the fall. Before I hit the ground Brody wraps an arm around my waist from behind and pulls me in close to him.
“Whoa now. You okay?” he asks. His mouth is too close to my ear and his arm is still locked around my midsection.
I try to wiggle out from his hold on me and say, “Yeah, thanks. Stupid shoelace.” Once his arm slackens and I can take a step away from him, I kneel to re-tie my Converse, making sure to double knot them. I stand back up and brush off my hands on my skirt, checking to make sure I didn’t rip a hole in my favorite tights while kneeling. Before I can say anything else Brody asks, “So about tomorrow night. You in?”
Um, what?Clearly, I missed something. “Tomorrow night?” I ask, trying to sound like I’m having a momentary lapse in remembrance rather than the truth — that I have no freaking clue what he’s gone on about for the last few minutes.
“The hockey game. Do you want to go with me?”When did he start talking about hockey?Brody flashes a flirty smile and his eyes show just how much he wants me to say yes.
