“Maybe you should be,” she shrugs. “Not everything has to be so serious all the time.”
“Serious? How can I not be serious?! I have a nine-year-old and I’m not living with my parents for the first time in a decade. For the first time since becoming a parent, I’m paying my own rent and utilities, going to school full-time, adjusting to a new city, not to mention helping my daughter adjust to being away from her grandparents and friends for the first time in her life. Excuse me for being a responsible adult.” I slam the trunk and turn to walk toward the driver-side door.
Skye’s staring at me, mouth agape. “What the fuck was that?”
I look up from the door handle and see Skye, still standing by the trunk. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed out and I keep all these fears and thoughts bottled up in my head because I’m afraid if I let them out around Sunny she won’t transition well. It’s hard enough on the kid as it is.”
“I get it, but at some point, you have to stop freaking out about everything and remember that you have needs just like any other woman.”
I snort. “Needs. You mean sex?”
“I’m not a nympho, Alis. I don’tonlythink about sex. I’m talking about the need to relax, take a breath, have some fun, enjoy some more-than-platonic companionship.” Sometimes Skye can be an adult.
I let out a breath and look up at the sky. “I know. And I will.” I once again make eye contact with Skye, my face and tone pleading with her to drop it. “Just not right now, okay? Give me a few months to get through this transition period and then, maybe, eventually, I’ll think about meeting someone.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” And I know she will.
Skye walks to the passenger door and slides in, putting the keys in the ignition and starting the air conditioning for Sunny. I turn my back to the door and lean against the car, grabbing the phone from my handbag and checking the notifications. Sure enough, it’s a text from —Sexy Dexy?! What the hell?Skye.
Sexy Dexy: Hi Alis, I had a great time with you Friday and I’d really like to see you again. Are you free next weekend? Dinner?
Do I respond or do I ghost him? I’m not a child. I shouldn’t ghost him. I also don’t know how to tell a guy I like that I don’t want to see him again. Scratch that — it’s not that I don’twantto see him again, but right now is not a good time for me to even consider exploring a relationship. I probably should have thought about this before I gave him my number and kissed him at the club. I need to respond. I can’t ignore him. I’m just not that person.
Me: Hey, Dexter, I had a great time as well. I’m really sorry, but I’ve thought about this and right now is not a good time for me to get involved with anyone. Maybe I’ll see you around at some point.
Sexy Dexy: No worries, I understand. Let me know if you change your mind. I’d love to show you around, grab coffee and whatnot.
Yeah, that won’t be happening any time soon. I don’t respond. I do, however, update his contact information to Dexter instead of Sexy Dexy.I really need to change my passcode.
I’m sure by the time I’m ready to explore a romantic relationship, some other woman will have snatched him up. And if I keep in touch with him and stick him in the friend zone I’ll have to watch him eventually fall for someone else.
Nope. Not happening.
FOUR
9 years ago
I’ve been sittingwith Aunt Melody for a while now, and I need a shower. I smell like hospital, stale pizza, body odor, and breakfast. That’s a disgusting combination, and considering I can smell myself, I don’t want to know how rank I smell to everyone else.
“I should head out. I need to take a shower and make some phone calls, and I’ll come back in a few hours. Do you need anything before I leave?”
Aunt Melody looks as tired as I am. She doesn’t stink, but now I feel selfish because she’s been here longer than I have.
“I’m good, honey. Your uncle will be here shortly to sit with Sunny while I go freshen up and take a nap at your parents’ hotel room.”
Ah, right. The hotel. “Don’t forget to have him bring you a change of clothes. Or if you’ve already told him, don’t forget to remind him.”
Melody chuckles. “Good point. I’ll send him a reminder because he will definitely forget. That man would lose his head if it wasn’t attached.”
“I’ll see you later,” I say, kissing her on the cheek before I grab my purse and phone and head out of the hospital.
Once in my car I take a few minutes to close my eyes and try to process the last seventeen hours. Just yesterday morning I was text bantering back and forth with Belle about a date I went on last weekend.
And now. Now she’s hooked up to machines and may not make it. She may very well die. And she’ll be gone. And I’ll never hear her voice again or wrap my arms around her middle for a hug.
Thoughts about yesterday’s texting conversation, the accident, Alex dying, Belle in limbo, and Sunny’s uncertain future all flood my head at once. I’m going to lose it.
I throw open my driver side door and spew every bit of my breakfast onto the parking garage pavement. Tears pour out of my eyes as I sob and gag at the same time, trying my best to empty my body of every bit of food and drink in the hope that emptying my stomach will somehow also empty my brain of everything.
