Dr. Ling nods, his reassuring smile never faltering. “Yes, certainly. Let’s go over these results, and then we can talk through options moving forward.”
Options?My heart leaps at the word.
We have options! This is wonderful! All hope is not lost! We will have a baby, a family.
Chase will be happy.Wewill be happy.
I sit up straighter, the hope infiltrating my spirit like a shot of adrenaline. A genuine smile spreads across my face as I glance at Chase, expecting to see the same glimmer of hope reflected in his eyes.
But he isn’t looking at me. He continues staring at the doctor, his expression stony, his posture rigid. It’s as if he’s bracing for the worst.
“What do you mean by options?” Chase asks, his voice clipped and laced with annoyance. I flinch at the tone but try to push forward, clinging to the sliver of positivity in the doctor’s words.
Dr. Ling opens the file and clears his throat, glancing between the two of us.
“There are a couple of areas where the results are lower than we typically like to see, but there’s also some positive news that I want to highlight. Mr. Martin, the sperm analysis conducted on your provided sample shows that you have what we call severe oligospermia, which means your sperm count is below 5 million sperm per milliliter. For context, a normal sperm count is usually 15 million or more per milliliter.
“In addition to the low sperm count, we also found that your sperm motility is below the ideal range. Sperm motility refers to how well your sperm are able to move. Ideally, at least 40 percent of the sperm should be moving actively. In your case, the motility is lower, which means the sperm have difficulty swimming toward an egg, making it harder for fertilization to occur.”
I reach over and slide my hand over Chase’s, squeezing lightly to remind him that we are in this together. For once, he doesn’t shake me off, though his hand remains limp beneath mine.
His eyes are locked on the doctor, his jaw tightening with each word.
“However,” Dr. Ling continues, “I do want to point out thatyour sperm morphology—the shape and structure of your sperm—is actually very healthy. More than 4 percent of your sperm have a normal shape, which is within the healthy range according to the criteria we use. This is encouraging because normal morphology is important for the sperm’s ability to fertilize an egg.
“So, while the lower count and motility present some challenges, your healthy sperm morphology is a strong, positive factor. We can work with this, and there are various strategies we can explore to increase your chances of conception.”
Dr. Ling pauses, giving us space to process the information. I glance at Chase, hoping for some sign of relief, but his expression remains unreadable.
His silence feels heavier than the words hanging in the air, so I step in, my voice softer than I’d like.
“So, we can still have a baby of our own?” I ask, the words trembling on the edge of my hope.
“It is possible, yes,” Dr. Ling nods and offers a reassuring smile. “With a lower sperm count and motility, it might take a bit longer to conceive naturally, and we might need to consider some assisted reproductive techniques, such as intrauterine insemination or in vitro fertilization, if necessary. However, Mr. Martin, your healthy morphology means that the sperm that are moving have a good chance of being able to fertilize an egg. This gives us a solid foundation to build on as we discuss your options moving forward.”
The rest of the meeting passes in a blur of medical terminology and acronyms I’d never remember without the brochures provided by Dr. Ling. I nod and smile at all the appropriate moments, clutching onto every sliver of hope like a lifeline. But Chase remains silent, his eyes fixed on some point in the distance as if willing himself to be anywhere but here.
By the time we’re back in the car, the tension between us feels like a physical barrier, pressing down on my chest and making it hard to breathe.
I try for a moment of levity, desperate to break the silence.
“Oh! This one is called GIFT!” I say, flipping through the brochure. “That sounds promising. Let’s see… Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer. No idea what gamete means. Eggs and sperm are placed directly into the fallopian tubes, allowing fertilization to occur naturally within the body. You think I’d be asleep for that? Or would I feel it? This is all so interesting!”
I ramble, filling the void with words, anything to distract from the weight of what we’ve just heard. But Chase doesn’t respond. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white.
I try again, my voice softer this time.
“Are you okay?”
A scoff. A head shake. Silence.
“Chase,” I prod, unable to stop myself.
“I asked you a question.”
Shit. Wrong choice, Tori.
Chase slams his palm into the steering wheel, the sharp sound slicing through the silence like a gunshot.
