“I don’t know why I said that.”
“So, you aren’t seeing someone?” she asks warily.
“No. Yes.” I shake my head. “Shit. This isn’t how I wanted to tell you.”
“Okay. Let me get this straight. You are seeing someone, but you had no intention of telling me.”
“Right. Yes. And now I’m more confused than ever.”
“Why are you confused?”
“We’ve been seeing each other for months and?—”
“What? How is this the first time I’m hearing anything about it?”
“It wasn’t anything at first. Just a chance encounter and hookup.” I shrug. “I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
“Is there a reason you’ve kept this a secret?”
“Like I said, at first we were just hooking up but…”
“It no longer feels like a hook up.”
I shake my head. “It’s never actually felt like one. We said one night, no strings. But it turned into more nights, some kind of strings.”
“And is this guy on the same page as you?”
“I don’t know. But I think I’m in love with him.”
Olivia’s grin slowly fades as she takes note of my expression. “You think it’s a bad thing?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if Gar—” I swallow the rest of his name. “I don’t know if he wants more than sneaking around behind closed doors.”
“Yes, you do. Be honest. Think about how you are together. How he treats you. As someone who spent months sneaking around, I know how confusing things can get. Especially when you’re determined not to fall in love or open yourself up that way to someone.”
“You think my past is clouding what’s happening now?”
“Is he the reason you aren’t going to the ball?”
“Not directly. I don’t want to spend time with people who constantly judge me for what I wear, say, or do. I have none of that judgement with him. I’m a different woman with him.”
“Do you like this woman?”
“Yes.” There’s no hesitation. With Garrett I’m the most genuine I’ve ever been, and I don’t want to lose that.
“Then you need to tell him how you feel and that you don’t want to hide your relationship anymore.”
“People aren’t going to like it.”
Olivia laughs. “Don’t let that stop you. If he makes you happy, if you love who you are with him and your life together, then fuck people. They can go live their narrow-minded lives and leave the rest of us alone.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Of course you can. Besides, all you have to do is follow my lead.”
Could it be that simple? Just say fuck everyone and worry only about what Garrett and I want?
It isn’t lost on me that I’ve circled back to my please-others habit when I promised I’d please myself first.
