As we get closer to the kitchen, the scent of something spicy and kind of delicious-smelling drifts down the hall. “At least let me walk on my own.”
He lets me slide down to standing but grabs my hand tightly as he drags me through the hall and into the living and kitchen space. It’s like he thinks if he lets go, I’ll run back to my room and lock myself away again. I couldn’t be bothered now that I’m in here already, and whatever it is they have for dinner does smell enticing. Once we make it to the kitchen, he takes up acouple of plates, of what I don’t know, little hard sandwiches? And passes one to me. I pull a face as I inspect it more closely and see lettuce and tomato and ground meat in a hard shell. “What is it?”
“My specialty.” He grins at me, all proud of himself. “You’re serious, you’ve never had a taco before?”
I shake my head. “It smells good.” I shrug.
“If you like the smell, the taste is going to blow your fucking mind.” He chuckles lightheartedly, making it all seem so normal. Making their life seem trivial or something. How do they just go on like normal after what happened?
His light mood is so carefree that it finally brings a smile to my face. Maybe he’s right and I do need them to pull me out of the dark haze I was falling into. “If you say so.”
“Come on, the boys are chilling in front of the TV and they miss you.”
“I’m sure they don’t.” I follow him into the living room, taking a seat on the empty three-seater cross-legged with the plate on my lap, wondering how I stop all the filling from falling back onto my plate. Jagger’s full focus is on the reality show playing, but Asher glances my way and offers a lop-sided smile. Their food was clearly devoured already, their empty plates discarded on the coffee table beside a couple of open beer bottles.
Cruz plonks down next to me, digging straight into his. I watch as he collects the thing up and shoves it in his mouth, not caring that it makes an awful mess as he goes. So that’s how you do it. You just go for it.
“Oh, fuck off, Abby,” Asher yells at the television screen.
I turn my attention to the show playing for us, to see a couple of women in a dance studio. “What on earth are you watching?”
“Dance Moms,” Cruz answers for Asher who is engrossed in what looks like a cat fight between two grown women.
“Dance Moms?” I ask, confused. What is Dance Moms, and why would they be into it?
“Ash has shit taste in entertainment.” Cruz laughs, shoving his second taco in his mouth, the juices running down the sides of his lips. He licks them clean then winks at me like it’s something else he’s imagining licking.
I flick my attention back to the scene playing out. It moves on to a dance performance on a stage, with flashy costumes and all. There are snippets of a group of pre-teen girls dancing routines, but the main focus seems to be on the bitchy scowls of the women sitting in the audience. God knows I love dance, but this looks bizarre. “Sorry, Ash, I think I have to agree with Cruz, this looks ridiculous.”
That breaks his attention. “No way, once you start watching you’ll be just as addicted as we are. You get sucked into their stories. We all hate Abby, she’s a mega bitch to the girls who dance for her studio. You’ll see.”
Cruz points at his brothers as if to tell me it’s them that have this opinion, not him. This whole time Jagger has been fixed on the show, but he doesn’t even look like he’s watching. He looks strange, like he’s in a daze. And I think sad, maybe. My heart sinks for him. I was a little jealous of Olivia before today because I felt like she got a part of him I never will. But now that she’s gone it feels completely unjust. Even if they did have something in the past, he left her there today to try and save me. And now she’s dead. Maybe he feels guilty or maybe it’s more complicated than that.
“Don’t like tacos?” Asher points to my full plate.
I look the thing over again. “Um, I’m not sure.”
“You need me to feed you, baby?” Cruz grins cheekily, and I know he’s up for it.
I glare at him. “No, Cruz. I can feed myself.” I quickly pick up one of the shells and bite into it, munching as the flavorsof the spicy meat and salad all mix together. It’s a delicious combination, fresh and fiery at the same time. I wipe my mouth. “It’s not bad.”
“Not bad! It’s fucking delicious,” Cruz corrects me.
Asher laughs. “You better tell him it’s as good as Jagger’s dinners, it’s the only thing Cruz can make.”
Cruz throws him a filthy look. “It’s not the only thing.”
“Scrambling eggs and throwing down some bacon doesn’t count, baby bro.”
Cruz grimaces back at him.
“They’re good, Cruz, I’m impressed.” I take another bite, showing him how delicious I think they are since it seems like a big deal to him. Truth is, tonight I could be eating cardboard and I wouldn’t know. All I can think of is how much I need to absorb this moment, memorize every little detail for the lonely nights when I’m back in Italy married off to Leone. Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I’m lucky because I know what it feels like to fall in love now. A concept I never would have entertained even a short time ago. This love may not have a happy ever after, but the memories of what I shared with these boys will stay with me forever.
When I finish my food, I stand, and collecting my plate and the others, I take them into the kitchen and fill the dishwasher. Then I move to stand by the glass bifold window, staring out into the night and over the outdoor patio. I already know they will never let me leave this place without one of them at my side. If I tell them what I’m thinking, they will tighten my leash. I have to do this on my own. I just don’t know how with all the extra-tight security in this place.
“What are you looking at?” comes Jagger’s deep voice from just behind me, making me jump in surprise.
I spin back to find him just a step away from me. “Nothing,” I mutter. “Sometimes I just like staring into the night. Makes me feel like anything is possible.”
