Cruz raises his brow as if he begs to differ.
My heart hammers against my rib cage. I’m such a bitch. “I wasn’t trying to reject him. I just…”
“Won’t let yourself fall for us,” he finishes my sentence for me.
Our eyes lock, a seriousness washing over him I don’t like. “I can’t.”
His hand moves to my neck, and he tilts my head back just a little. “You won’t. There is a big difference.”
In this moment, the shitshow I have with Jagger seems like a walk in the park. At least I know he doesn’t want me to fall for him. He wants emotional distance between us. For him it’s all about control, rules, and orgasms. Simple compared to his brothers. My eyes find Cruz’s, and my heart flutters because I know I can’t deny the way I’m falling for them much longer. I sigh heavily, wishing I could explain so they would understand me. “I made a promise to myself a long time ago, and it’s stood me well through all the shit I’ve been through.”
“Break it. I can promise you we’re worth it.” His lips meet mine in a bruising kiss. When he pulls back, his teeth tug on my lip, nipping me. He looks at me like I’m his whole world and I don’t get it, but I do feel it all the way through to my soul.
This shouldn’t be so natural, but it is. If I want to admit to it or not, I’m connected to them. I keep staring at him, not sure what to say.
When I don’t respond, he moves to the butler’s pantry.
I take the sound of solitude to catch my breath. They’re going to be the death of me, I already know it.
Cruz brings back a bottle of whiskey and opens the top, pouring it over one of the bowls.
I cover the second with my hand. “Not mine. I can’t drink with the pain meds I’m on.”
“I’ll drink yours for you.” He takes a swig from the bottle with a cheeky grin.
“You do that.” I take up the bowls and walk toward the gym, my heart in my throat because I have no clue what to say to Asher. This dessert better work its magic and get me out of trouble, because it’s all I have.
“Where is she going? I need a photo for her new ID,” Jagger says from behind me. But I’m not turning back to do what he wants. There are more important matters right now.
“To mend Asher’s broken heart,” Cruz responds, sounding all dramatically romantic about it.
I can’t help but roll my eyes because this all feels so damn ridiculous. How is this my life right now? For the last five years, the idea of love seemed like such a foreign concept. I saw other happy couples together and thought it must all be an act. Either that or they were just lucky and that would never be me. But the nervous flutter inside of me tells me maybe I was wrong. Maybe this could be real.
Chapter 13
Unbreak My Heart
Withmyelbow,Inudge open the door to the gym. The scent of sweat and iron hits me, sending a flutter all the way through me. No idea how sweat can be sexy, but on these guys, it sure lights up my body. “I’ve come to grovel with treats,” I announce myself, not sure what I’m about to find.
Asher is lying on his back, his T-shirt discarded, muscles flexing with every bench press of the barbell that looks heavier than me. Droplets trickle down his forehead and glisten on his chiseled chest. The sight of him has me stopping and staring. He lowers the weights slowly, deliberately, then sits up. Eyes locking on to me, his lips turning up at one side just a little. “What have you got?” he asks, his voice flat.
I close my mouth, wishing I had a free hand to wipe at the drool escaping, then pad further into the room, the rubber mat bouncy under my bare feet. I tilt the bowls toward him with a soft smile. “Apology dessert?”
He arches a brow, considering me. “You think that’s going to work?” he grumbles.
My throat goes dry. “I was hoping it might help.” I hand a bowl to him and drop down to my knees on the cool mat beside him. “See, Ash… I know I messed up. It’s just this is hard for me.”
“Why?” His voice wavers, his confusion so un-Asher it nearly breaks me.
I inhale a slow breath, trying to steady the tremor in my voice before I start. “When I was forced to marry Valentine, it was the first kind of interaction I had with a man, you know, in that way. And it was awful… in every way possible. There was never a honeymoon period where things were happy. No warmth. No Love.” My gaze falls to the floor. This is too hard to talk about with him, the years of suffering still too raw. “To survive, I made a promise to myself. If I kept my heart locked up tight, he couldn’t break it. I could deal with his terrible treatment of me if I was detached.”
Silence stretches between us and I feel the warmth of his eyes on me.
“I used to be a little girl with big dreams of finding my perfect man and falling head over heels in love,” I whisper, feeling theemotion choking up my throat. And he would be a man just like Asher; he’s perfect, but I’m not. The last part I keep to myself, the words too difficult to say out loud. I glance back up at him, his silence killing me. “I don’t know how to do this, Ash.”
He sighs heavily. “Neither do I. I’ve never felt like this before for anyone. That’s why I know you’re it for me, little princess. I don’t want to fuck around anymore. I want something real with you.”
My heart thuds heavily against my rib cage from words that should be music to my ears but only cause more pain. I stare up at him, feeling more out of control than I have in a long time. “Ash, just because I can’t say it back doesn’t mean there isn’t something here. I want to explore this more with you.” I bury my head in my trembling hands. “Fuck. I’m screwing this up again, aren’t I?”
