In answer, he grabbed my waist and ground into me, remindingmewhohewas. The man I hated, who was now leaning down and—kissing the other side of my neck.
“Mmm,” I purred, even as I fought back a wave of panic. “That feels so good.”
The horrifying truth was that it actually did.
“Do you know about the spot right behind her ear?” Theo mumbled into my skin, his lips moving upward.
“I do,” AJ said.
Wait a second. How didTheoknow about it?
My thoughts flashed back to that moment he and I stood together against his car outside my parents’ house. The way my body had betrayed me by shuddering when his lips brushed over the area.
Goddamn it, the man really was savant-level good at reading people.
One of his big hands started to slide upward toward my breasts.
Was I actually going to let this man grope me?
Yas, betch!my slutty alter ego answered.
Or so I tried to tell myself. But the ugly truth was... I didn’t have one. That stupid voice was me, not some weird, fragmented personality. It was the part of me I didn’t want to admit was still there. The part of me that likeddangerous things. Craved the thrill of them. Was desperate to turn my brain off, stop overthinking for once, and justfeel.
I’d been fighting it since the night Theo came sauntering into my life, worried that if I set that part of myself free, I might risk turning back into the person I used to be, but... what if I was wrong? What if it was okay to be alittlereckless every now and then? I had to be so strict about every piece of food I ate, all the liquids I drank. I was religious about taking my meds, constantly monitored my stress and anxiety because I was so afraid that if they got out of control, they would trigger a flare.
And I was tired of it.
Sogoddamnexhausted.
For once, I wanted to pretend nothing had changed. That nothing bad had ever happened and nothing ever would. That I was still young, still healthy. That this was just like any other party, and AJ and I had been lucky enough to find a willing third to join us.
And maybe that was selfish, and wrong, but it didn’t change the fact that I was desperate for someone to take this pain away and make me feel good for a little while.
So, yeah, I was doing this, and not just to win some stupid mind game with Theo, but because I wanted to, plain and simple. I wanted to strip off my dress. Touch someone, let them touch me,see me,see how much this fucking illness had stripped from my body and tell me they still wanted me anyway.
I closed my eyes, fighting back a wave of tears, and reached between the men to pull my dress up. I only managed to heft it halfway before it caught on Theo’s hands. In a move that surprised me, he gathered the hem and pulled it the rest of the way off, stepping back so I could lift my arms overhead.
AJ’s gaze drank me in hungrily, no sign of hesitation or worry over how skinny I’d gotten, only lust, open and honest for me to see. I framed his face with my hands, smiling in silent thanks, and started to pull him in.
“Oh, wait,” he said, taking something from his jacket pocket. With a brandish, he produced a makeup remover towelette. “For your lipstick,” he said. Then he grinned, glancing behind me at Theo. “Unless you don’t care?”
Theo let out a low rumble of amusement, close enough that I felt his breath rush down my back. “The last time we didn’t take it off, it looked like a depressed clown painted our faces.”
AJ chuckled, focusing back on me. “Here,” he said, tilting my face toward the light. His eyes dropped to my mouth, and he started wiping my lips with gentle strokes. “Do you want him to remove those or do it yourself?” he said, tipping his head toward the pasties covering my nipples.
“I’ll do it,” Theo said.
I nearly clapped my hands over my boobs in self-defense. Because there was no way he’d be gentle about it. Knowing him, he’d probably rip them off like Band-Aids.
“I can,” I assured him, starting to blindly reach for them while AJ finished wiping my mouth.
Theo batted my hands aside, and then his fingers found the edge of the right pastie. I braced myself, and he paused there, drawing out my terror like the sadist he was. But then blond hair appeared in my periphery, and I felt him drop a kiss to my shoulder, his other hand spanning my ribs, warm and large, before snaking across my stomach and pulling me into him. I hated to admit it, but we fit each other perfectly, his big thighs framing mine, body forming a cage around me, like he could use his size to protect me from the world. Too bad he was the one I needed saving from.
“Relax,” he said, kissing his way toward my neck. “I’ll be gentle.”
AJ tossed the makeup remover over his shoulder. “Unless you don’t want him to be.”
“Don’t give him ideas,” I said, curling my fingers into AJ’s jacket and hauling him forward.
