Chapter Thirty-Three
Annistyn
DURING THE COURSE oflast night, I had one nightmare after another.Kreed held me tight in his arms through every single one of them as I cried, screamed, and lashed out.He took the brunt of my emotions without a word.All he did was hold me and he kept kissing the top of my head.Kreed was a strong pillar in the middle of the storm I created.At one point, I think I even punched him during one of my nightmares and it made me start crying once again.I hate to think of myself as a violent person after everything I went through when I was growing up.Violence was all I saw and I’m truly worried I’ll turn out exactly like my aunt and uncle.Hitting my uncle with Kreed’s belt is not something I ever thought I’d do.In the moment, it kind of felt right if I’m being honest.For a second I wanted him to feel the pain he caused me.Even if it was only a fraction of what I felt those days as his belt buckle sliced into my skin and caused me to bleed leaving scars behind because they were never properly treated.In the aftermath, I felt absolutely horrible.Like a monster worse than either one of them.
I couldn’t enjoy my first ride on Kreed’s bike when he brought me back home.Even with my body wrapped around his, my mind kept playing everything on a loop.How much hate my uncle has in him and that there really was no true reason for killing my parents.He’s simply selfish and only cares about what he can get.He has no problem using everyone around him until they have nothing left.I cried the entire way back to the compound and never once lifted my head to look at anything.The only other thing I knew was that I wasn’t riding in a way someone normally does.It’s something I’ll have to ask Kreed about at another time.
Kreed asked me a bunch of times last night if I needed Roger or Debbie.Every single time I told him no.They’ve both given me the tools I need to work through this.It’s just going to take some time in order to process everything I did.Of the person I became for a few minutes.I might have taken my gun with me, but I always knew I would never pull the trigger.Not unless one of them came at me and it was the only thing I could do to protect myself.I’m not a killer.I know Kreed took the gun from me when we got back home.He told me he was going to lock it in his gun safe with his guns and I think I nodded my head in response.I’ll have to double check when he wakes up.
Yesterday showed me I still have repressed memories to work through.I thought I had talked about everything that’s ever been done to me, but I was wrong.Standing in the kitchen I spent countless hours in brought up events I forgot.Times my uncle beat me for no real reason.Or times my aunt yelled and screamed for what felt like hours because something wasn’t done to her specifications.Days when she was feeling extremely horrid, she would set impossible standards for me to meet.She wanted to watch me fail so she could take all of her pain and anger out on me.I think of all the times my uncle cheated on her and it broke something inside both of us because I would be treated even worse while she was hurt from his betrayal.So many things came up and I know I’ll have to have a few sessions with Debbie to work through them.
I move very slowly in the bed until I can look at Kreed.For the first time since we got home, he’s deep asleep and I refuse to wake him up.He needs his sleep after staying up with me throughout the night.There’s a frown on his face as I look at his face and his eyebrows are furrowed.He’s not at peace and I hate being the reason for his restless sleep.Kreed has one arm over his head and the other one rests on his stomach where he was holding me a minute ago.Our legs are still entwined together as I run a finger down his cheek.Kreed nuzzles into my touch for a minute before resting once again.My hand lands on his chest over his heart and I simply feel it beating strong and steady.
“Pixie,” Kreed mumbles and reaches out for me without opening his eyes.I know he’s still sleeping.
Part of my heart heals seeing him search for me in his sleep.I know I’ve reached for him countless times.To know he does the same thing when he isn’t consciously thinking about it makes my heart beat a little faster.This man has the power to absolutely break me in a way no one else ever has.Instead, he has chosen to be my support, best friend, the man I love, and my protector.His only concern is for my safety as he tries to let me navigate each new situation on my own.Kreed will always be there to put me back together one piece at a time when I’ve been broken down to nothing.
Before I can continue paying attention to Kreed as he sleeps, I hear the softest knock on the front door.If the house wasn’t silent, I wouldn’t have heard it at all.I grab my phone from the stand next to me and light up the screen to see it’s only eight in the morning.While I’m usually up by now, it’s still pretty early for anyone to randomly show up at the house.I carefully get out of bed without disturbing Kreed and keep my phone in hand as I look over to see Oreo asleep in her bed still before heading downstairs on light feet.Not a sound is made as another light knock sounds and I walk faster so Kreed doesn’t hear anything.
The alarm is set and I know I might set it off when I unlock the door.Unlocking my phone, I send a message to Master asking him to shut the alarm off.He doesn’t respond, but I hear the beeping noise it makes when it’s been shut off.With a smile on my face despite how horrible I feel from crying for so long yesterday, I unlock the door and open it.My gaze lands on nothing in front of me.It’s not until I look down that my smile turns genuine.Standing on our porch is Dakota.She’s all alone as I look around outside.
I take in her appearance and know she hasn’t been awake for very long.Her hair that was obviously put in a ponytail last night is halfway out and on the side of her head now.She’s wearing the cutest set of pajamas with rainbows and unicorns on them.Dakota even has a red crease on her face from the pillow.I can’t help but smile at her rumpled appearance because she’s so adorable.
“Hey, Sweetie.Do your parents know where you are?”I ask her as I bend down in front of her.
“No.Daddy’s sweeping.Mommy’s in bath,” she answers while looking at me with her beautiful, large eyes the color of the sky.They’re light blue like Cali’s and right now there’s a hint of gray in them.
“Okay.Do you wanna come in?”I ask her, standing up and holding out my hand for her to take.Dakota accepts my hand and comes in the house as I close and lock the door behind her.“Are you hungry?”
Dakota nods her head as we make our way into the kitchen.I let go of her hand and send a message to Cali letting her know I have her daughter at the house so they don’t lose their mind in fear.This isn’t the first time Dakota has shown up at our house without her parents knowing.Usually Kreed is the one to bring her inside.Today, I get to spend time with her.
“We’re gonna make breakfast.How do you feel about pancakes, sausage, and eggs?Maybe some cinnamon rolls to go with everything?”I ask her as Dakota’s face lights up and she claps her hand in response.
“Pwease,” she says excitedly.Together we wash our hands in the kitchen sink and I help her dry off before we head for the refrigerator.
I grab everything we need from the refrigerator and pantry before pulling out the mixing bowl, measuring cups, two pans, and a cake pan.After preheating the oven, I lay out the cinnamon rolls first and set the icing on the back of the stove so it can heat up.Lifting Dakota in my arms, I place her on the island next to me so she can help before turning on the music from my playlist very low.It didn’t take long to realize Dakota loves all kinds of music and never cares about what I play.We immediately start to sing along with the song as I measure out the pancake mix and hand the measuring cup to Dakota so she can dump it in the bowl.I can’t stop laughing when she cracks the egg and a few shells fall into the bowl as she scowls.
“I’m sowwy,” she says as I pull the shells out.
“It’s okay, Sweetheart.It happens to all of us no matter how big we are.The first time Unca cooked for me, he forgot to pull a few out and I bit into them,” I tell her and start laughing as she joins in.
I love the sound of Dakota’s laughter.It’s so pure and full of genuine innocence.The sound of a baby’s or child’s giggle will always be my favorite sound in the world.I don’t know of anyone who isn’t immediately in a happy place when a child laughs around them.Well, maybe the jerks of the world who aren’t happy at all.Those people wouldn’t find joy in hearing a child’s laughter.
When everything is in the mixing bowl for the pancakes, I help Dakota mix the batter.She giggles more when the powder flies out and lands on the two of us and island.It takes longer to make everything, but that’s okay.I truly enjoy cooking like this because it’s so simple and the interaction is pure.This is something I vaguely remember doing with my mom when I was about Dakota’s age.Something I now long to do with my own children while Kreed sleeps or joins us in the kitchen.
“Okay, I think we’re ready to start cooking everything now.You’ll have to stay back away from the stove and oven because they’ll be hot and I don’t want you to get burned,” I tell Dakota as I bring a chair from the table over and put it close enough she can watch me, but far enough from the stove and oven she won’t get hurt.
I place the pan of cinnamon rolls in the oven and set the timer for them.Next, I place the sausage in a pan so they can cook before dumping the mixture of scrambled eggs in the pan.Turning to the griddle on the counter, I spray it with cooking spray before dumping batter in even circles on the surface.Dakota watches every move I make as I keep my attention evenly on all the food cooking.
“Somethin’ smells good down here,” Kreed says as I keep my back turned to him and smile because he sounds so happy despite his lack of sleep.“Sweet Girl, what are you doin’ here so early in the mornin’?”
“Hungy,” Dakota answers him in her sweet voice.
“I sent Cali a message that she was here,” I inform him as I flip the pancakes over before turning to Kreed for a second.
He stands before me without a shirt on as he holds Oreo in his arms.Oreo is still getting used to Kreed since she just got here.She’s continuously going up to Kreed and smelling him before backing away again.Kreed isn’t forcing the issue with Oreo and is letting her come to him on her own terms.I did catch him outside running around with her last night and have pictures of the two of them.Dakota soon sees her and gets off of the chair to walk over to Kreed.
