“You’re not fuckin’ keepin’ me out of that meetin’, Reckless.She’smygirl and I’ll know everythin’ goin’ on with her,” I state, getting out of my seat and leaving church.I pause long enough to grab my stuff from the Prospect before heading to Caleb’s office.
Caleb and Master enter ten minutes later.Master has a thick folder with everything he’s found since I asked him to dig into the car accident.He lays everything out and presents a timeline of every time Annistyn was sold by her aunt and uncle.He’s got names, dates, amounts of money, and a detailed background on the aunt and uncle.Every new piece of information I learn about makes me sick to my stomach.To know Annistyn dealt with such vile monsters most of her life makes me wonder how she’s not broken beyond repair.I wonder how she hasn’t turned out just as cruel as they are because of everything she’s suffered through.However, I know it’s because Annistyn is so pure and innocent there isn’t a bone in her body that could ever be mean to anyone else.She’s full of love she was never shown and only wants to be accepted for who she is today by those she chooses to let in her life.This knowledge makes my fuck-up with her even worse.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Annistyn
THE LAST FEW weeks, I’ve slowly gotten back on track after letting the devastation of Kreed leaving me at his house alone and no one in the club telling me anything.I can fully admit I started to slide back into old habits and allowed myself to wallow in self-pity more than I should have.I couldn’t focus on my yoga, meditation, or anything else I’d learned over the last almost two years.Now, I’m finally starting to focus on myself again.On doing what I have to do each day and getting back into a routine that now includes time spent with Ivy and Charlotte.I’m learning to enjoy myself without anyone else at my side.I’ve even managed to go out to eat a few times on my own.Roger knew where I was and he dropped me off and then picked me back up.While I was in the diner or wherever I chose to eat, I was all by myself.I now know I can love myself and enjoy going out to do things I’ve always wanted to without having some kind of support system with me.
I’m still not talking to anyone from the club when they’re on the ranch.All of them take a rotation, but Manic and Viper spend the most time here.Master actually had to come yell at them a few days ago because they’re not resting and are hardly at the clubhouse for meetings and other responsibilities they have there.I know why Manic has been spending most of his time at the ranch—he’s always with Ivy and Charlotte.I’m confused why Viper is always here though.I will admit I find him near me more often than not.Reckless even showed up a few times for a shift protecting Ivy and her daughter.None of them talk to me, but I can tell they want to.Especially Reckless and Viper.I simply pretend none of them are here and go about my day.
Viper has started running with me.He remains behind me, but doesn’t ever let me go on my own because I don’t stay near the house.It’s another thing I’ve discovered I enjoy doing when things are completely overwhelming me.I can spend the time thinking about what’s bothering me and then clear my head of the situation.Plus, I can spend time close to nature and I’ve discovered a few spots I love to take pictures when I’m done for the day.I spend hours taking pictures and editing them with Roger’s help when I get stuck on something.
Every single day I think of Kreed.I wonder what he’s doing, if he found the woman he can truly love, and dream of things being different every single night.Roger has woken me up more than once because I’m crying so hard in my sleep.Neither one of us talks about why I’m crying, but I have talked about the situation with Debbie.She thinks I need to have a conversation with him and find out what truly happened.Debbie believes it’s all a huge misunderstanding based on what I’ve said about Kreed in past sessions with her.A large part of me wants to talk to him and clear the air.At the very least, I’ll get some kind of closure.Debbie agrees that’s something important I need to have if I ultimately decide to move on and build a life without Kreed.
Oreo still follows me around everywhere I go on the ranch.She’s figured out how to get out of the stall they’re supposed to stay in.The first time it happened, she walked up on the porch like she owned the place and plopped down on my feet.I couldn’t help but laugh at her cuteness.It was the first time I laughed since leaving the compound.Beast still follows Ivy and Charlotte all over the place.He’s taken to sleeping next to Charlotte every day and night.He’s become her protector and I hope Ivy moves somewhere she can take Beast with her.She’s mentioned wanting to keep him a few times and Roger doesn’t have a problem with it.Just like he doesn’t mind me wanting to adopt Oreo.
I’m out by the garden finishing up my yoga so I can meditate when I spot Roger and Viper making their way toward me.Oreo is sleeping next to me and barely opens her eyes as they step up in front of me.
“Good morning, Roger,” I greet my cousin, completely ignoring Viper as he stands next to Roger and stares at me.
“Morning, Annistyn.We need to have a talk,” he says while kneeling down in front of me so we’re on the same eye level.Viper also crouches down in front of me and doesn’t take his eyes from me as I sit up and make sure my body is covered.
“Talk about what?”I question Roger as Oreo climbs in my lap and licks my hand.
“You need to talk to Kreed, Annistyn.I talked to him a few days ago and he sounds like shit.He knows he fucked up and all he wants to do is fix what he broke.I didn’t tell him where you are or much of anything.I did say you were planning on leaving where you are and that you’re preparing to move on with your life.Both things you’ve said over the last few weeks,” Roger says and my heart starts racing in my chest at the mention of Kreed’s name.I don’t know if I’ll ever get over that man.
“He should have thought about all that when he decided I wasn’t worth a call or message to let me know what was going on.I do need to talk to him at some point so I get the closure I need.I’m just not sure when that will happen.It’s something I need to be ready for,” I state, keeping my gaze on my cousin.
“Annistyn, you have to understand why we couldn’t tell you anythin’ that night you came to the clubhouse.We didn’t say it in the right way so you didn’t get hurt.When the guys formed the Feral Dragons, they put a list of rules in place.Things Caleb and Kreed saw when they were growin’ up from the other clubs they were around especially Playboy’s club since that’s who they spent the most time around.All of the rules were voted on by the members and needed to be approved by everyone who was an officer.Those, for the most part, are the guys Reckless and Link served in the military with.
“One of those rules is that an ol’ lady is the only one we can give any information to in any situation.Yes, we all know you’re Kreed’s girl.However, you’re not claimed.He wants to claim you, but he understands you’re not ready.That’s okay.We just can’t bypass the rules for anyone though.If Kreed had told us to tell you what was goin’ on, we would have in a second.I would have come up to the house to talk to you.I’ve never once lied to you, Annistyn, and I never would.If anyone understands what you’ve been through, it’s me.I know how much you value honesty and buildin’ trust with those you choose to let in your life.None of us wanted to hurt you the way we did, Annistyn.Please believe me when I say that,” Viper says as I look at him to see the truth of his words and my heart melts a little toward him.
“I spent a year and a half on this ranch, Viper.Every single day I busted my butt and put in the hard work just so I could build myself up again and heal from the trauma I’ve been forced to endure for years.In a split second, Master and you destroyed everything.A few words was all it took to make me feel completely insignificant and worth less than a pile of dog poop.I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk back in that clubhouse, or go to the compound, and not relive that moment,” I say, tears filling my eyes because I haven’t truly dealt with that part of the situation.
“I know, Annistyn.I feel like the biggest fucker and you don’t know how guilty I’ve felt since that night.I watched the light dim completely from your eyes and saw you shrink in on yourself as you walked away from us.We gave you space to process what happened, but never imagined you’d leave the compound without tellin’ one of us.I’m the one who found your note and saw the keys and phone you left on the counter,” Viper informs me as I drop my eyes to the ground for a minute.
