“Go get ready and I’ll finish breakfast, Pixie.We’ll head out as soon as we’re done eatin’,” I tell her and watch as she leans up and presses her lips against my cheek.
“Thank you, Kreed.I’ll be ready to go soon,” she says before disappearing from the kitchen and heading upstairs to change for the day.
I send a message to the family group chat.It has Cali, Caleb, Playboy, Sam, Tank, Maddie, and my mom in it.We have one with the other kids too, but I don’t need that one right now.
Me: Just let Master know I’m takin’ Annistyn to her parents’ graves for the first time after breakfast.My house is off limits and Annistyn will rejoin everyone when she’s ready.Today will be a lot for her and she’ll need her space to work through what she’s feelin’.
Before anyone responds, I set my phone down and finish cooking breakfast.It doesn’t take me long to finish and get everything on our plates.Annistyn has already filled our glasses with juice at the island and I put our food right next to it.Taking my seat, I wait for her to return before eating my own food.We always eat together and today will be no different.
***
Annistyn is a messas we drive to the cemetery in the next town over.I’ve got my hand resting on her leg and it’s bouncing as she twists her hands together in her lap.I want to pull her in my arms and hold her as she falls apart.Annistyn hasn’t been like this since I first brought her to the clubhouse.I’ve already called Roger so he can be on standby if she needs him or to go to the ranch to see her therapist.I’ll make sure she has whatever is needed after our visit today.The only stop we made was to get flowers to leave for them.She picked pink tulips for her mom and sunflowers for her dad.They were their favorites and she cried the entire time she picked the perfect bouquets.I kept a hand on her at all times so Annistyn knew she wasn’t alone and I was there for any support she needed.
“We’re almost there, Pixie.Are you ready for this?”I ask her after turning off the music and putting my hand back on her leg.
“No.I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this, Kreed.But, I have to see where they’re buried and make sure everything is okay with their graves.I don’t want them to think I’ve forgotten them,” she whispers while keeping her gaze locked on the scenery as we drive down the road.
“They know you haven’t forgotten them, Pixie.Your parents would be so damn proud of you and everythin’ you’ve accomplished so far.You continue to make progress every single day and don’t allow the bad days to weigh you down and get in your head.I know it won’t always be like this, but you’re doing amazing.I’ll be here for the good days, bad days, and every single day in between.When you don’t have the strength to stand on your own, I want you to lean on me.Let me shoulder the weight you carry so you don’t have to do it alone,” I tell her, grabbing one of her hands and bringing it up to my mouth so I can press a kiss against it.
“That means so much to me, Kreed.You have no idea the amount of support you’ve given me.Even when I try to push you away you’re always there.You coming into my life was fate and I’m so glad I lived the way I did so now I can truly appreciate every beautiful moment you give me,” she says as she finally looks over at me and I can see the tears her lashes catch instead of letting them fall free.
“I’ll give you beautiful moments every single day of your life, Pixie.When I said you were mine, I wasn’t just sayin’ it because I thought that’s what you wanted to hear.I want you as my ol’ lady, my wife, and to be the mom to our children.As many as you’ll give me.It might be too soon for me to say all of this to you, but I don’t care.It’s how I feel.I fell in love with you the second I saw you in that warehouse.Every day I fall even more in love with you.You’re strong, are learnin’ to be independent, go after what you want in life, and are steppin’ out of your comfort zone more and more.I love you, Pixie.And if you’re not ready to say it back, that’s okay.I’ll wait for the day you want to because it will mean so much more,” I tell her honestly, laying myself bare for her in ways she’s only started to do with me.
“I think I love you too, Kreed.I’ve never been in love or felt love from anyone in my life.I’m not sure how it feels.What I do know is I can’t wait to wake up and see you next to me in bed while you dream and look completely at peace.I want to be strong enough to stay at your side and someone you can lean on when the day has been too hard for you to get through it on your own.I want you to be my best friend, my man, and to marry you.I’ll give you as many babies as you want, Kreed.That’s something I’ve only just started thinking about because I never dreamed I’d be a mom,” she returns as she laces our fingers together and brings my hand up to her mouth to place a soft kiss against my skin.
“We’re here, Pixie,” I say as I pull into the parking lot of the cemetery and park.I shut the engine off but don’t make any moves to leave the truck.Annistyn will let me know when she’s ready.
“Do you know where they’re buried?”she asks, keeping her gaze out the windshield of the truck.
“See that large tree at the top of the hill?”I ask her and watch as she nods in response.“That’s where they should be.Master looked everythin’ up for us.”
Annistyn takes a deep breath and I know she’s ready to get out of the truck.I get out first and walk around to her door.My girl doesn’t open her own door ever.She knows to wait for me to open her door and help her in and out of my truck.After making sure she’s steady on her feet, I reach in and grab the flowers.Annistyn takes them from me in one hand and laces our fingers together with her free one.I don’t move until she takes the first step toward her parents’ final resting place.
Together we make the slow walk up the hill passing graves along the way.The stones are both old and new as we pass by and I watch Annistyn’s lips move silently.She’s praying for everyone buried here.By the time we make it to the graves, Annistyn has tears in her eyes as she stops and bends down.The grass is mowed, but right around the headstones is taller than it should be and there’s debris filling the top of them.Stepping up, I remove the debris before bending down and pulling out the longer pieces of grass.Once everything is neat, I stand again and step back to give Annistyn the space to do what she needs.
I remain at her back as she talks to her parents and apologizes for taking so long to visit them.She doesn’t mention the life she’s lived and only starts sharing stories about her life from the time she left the ranch.Annistyn talks about the kids at the clubhouse and how adorable they are, she mentions Cali and Reckless, Luca, and even my mom.She tells them about Tank and how he helped her make the hardest decision of her life.I listen to it all in silence and watch on as she places the flowers in those stands by each headstone.Her voice breaks a million times as she speaks from sobbing.
After a while, she stands up and turns to me.Annistyn doesn’t hesitate to wrap her body around mine and I hold her close.
“Mom.Dad, I'd like you to meet Kreed.He’s the best man I’ve ever met in my life and I’m lucky he found me when he did.He saved me and continues to do so each day I get to spend with him.I think I love him and know that only time will reveal my true feelings for him.I can’t imagine living my life without him though.He’s my person,” she says and it makes my heart race because she’s being completely honest and vulnerable.Giving me her truth the only way she knows how to.“I’m ready to go, Kreed.”
“Okay.So proud of you, Pixie,” I say as I turn us and lead her away from the graves she’s waited so long to visit.
Halfway down the hill, her steps falter and I lift her in my arms because I won’t have her fall and get hurt when she’s already this upset.Carrying her to the truck, I place her in the passenger seat and press my lips against hers.Annistyn opens her mouth and deepens the kiss for the first time.I let her explore and know this is her very first kiss.She’s giving me a gift as she does every day.Kissing her is easy to get lost in as I return every move and kiss her as if I’ve been waiting my entire life for this very moment.In a way, I have been waiting that long.
When we finally break apart, we’re both breathless and Annistyn looks at me through hooded eyes.Her cheeks are flushed and her gaze is filled with love.She doesn’t have to say the words for me to know how she truly feels about me.Eventually she’ll figure it out and I’ll wait for that day.With one more kiss, I shut her door and head for my seat.Once I’m ready to pull out, I lift the center console and pull Annistyn to my side.I fasten her seatbelt and leave the cemetery behind us.Our ride home is silent as I let Annistyn process her thoughts and feelings.When she’s ready to talk, she will.
