I know better than to argue with this woman and do as I’m told. I take a seat and nibble at the muffin in my hand as Judy joins me, bringing a mug filled with black coffee to the table for me.
“Here, drink your coffee and eat your muffin. You and I need to have a talk.”
I really didn’t want to, but again, when it came to Judy, you didn’t argue with her. At least I didn’t. I’ve always respected her.
When I lost my grandmother as a little girl and then my mother when I was sixteen, Judy became the only woman in my life I could really turn to when I needed that motherly figure. Only after I went to college did that bond seem to shift. I didn’t talk to her every day. At first, I’d talk to her on the phone constantly. Then it changed to every week, to every month, to rarely. Up until I came home, it was mostly email with a few calls here and there.
“Why didn’t you call your brother or even me to come get you this morning?” Judy jumps right in.
“As I told Maddox outside, I didn’t want to be a nuisance to any of you,” I state and take a large gulp of the hot brew. Looking at her, I smile. “Coffee is good as ever.”
“You drink it like it’s going out of style, child.” Shaking her head, she smiles back. “Now, for the record, you being here, getting hurt, and taken away to the hospital does not in any way make you a nuisance of any kind. Do you hear me?”
I nod, though I don’t believe her.
She could have tried to come up to the hospital, but didn’t even call me yesterday to check on me.
“What had you going out on a horse before the sun was even up?”
“I wanted to go for a ride on Rex.” I shrug.
“I know your mind is a mess right now with your granddaddy’s passing. You want to talk about it?” She points out.
“Yes. And no. But I don’t want to get into it right now.” I don’t need to tell her how much I’ve derailed my life. She doesn’t need to know yet that I quit my job.
I mean, how do I tell anyone about my life? What I’ve been through? What I’m dealing with even now?
With what Maddox and I learned from the Will, things aren’t great, and honestly, I’m confused. I don’t know how to make things right. My brother clearly doesn’t want me here.
Last night, Luka kept messaging me and even called me twice after Shadow left. Lucky for me, he hadn’t messaged while I had company. Surely enough, Shadow would have been nosy and tried to see who was messaging me. I didn’t need that. I told Luka everything I needed to say to him. What else was there? I sent him all the details of what I’d been working on. I gave him my resignation. I wasn’t going back.
Well, I was, but not to stay. I needed to pack up my place, not that I had much there.
First things first, I needed to figure out what the game plan was going to be here.
“Well, when you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen. Might want to give your brother a chance to talk as well. He’s torn up right now and could use the support of his sister.”
Those words are like a slap to the face. Honestly, they hurt worse than any blow ever could.
Maddox is torn up, but so am I.
Yes, Maddox was here. He saw Granddaddy every day. Took care of him. Got an aide to come in. Handled the ranch. Worked his ass off. And where was I? Three hours away, working myself to the bone, never taking a break. I always made it a joke with my so-called friends at the office that I lived and breathed for my work.
Which, in truth, I did. I thought it made me happy. It didn’t. In truth, I was miserable. Didn’t matter how much money I made, it didn’t replace the fact that I wasn’t home.
I finish the muffin, drink down the rest of my coffee, and stand. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”
Judy nods, her expression unreadable as she’s still smiling at me, but her eyes seem to be trying to read me. If only she knew the truth about me. Would she be defending my brother so? Would she understand why I’m the way I am? There’s no way she could. I’ve allowed myself to become so distant from them all.
For what?
Fear? Disappointment?
I went away with every intention of coming home, and because of what happened to me, I let it keep me from coming home to where I wanted to be most of the time.
The shower feels like heaven—just the right water pressure. With the water nearly scalding hot, a sigh passes my lips at how good it feels. I ignored the fact my leg was hurting, but it was more of a dull pain right now. Something I can handle.
Like at the hospital, my mind is filled with all of my roaming thoughts.
