Russell has never praised me as a parent.Whenever we fight, he disappears for weeks, sometimes even months, then he comes back around and acts as if nothing happened.There is no accountability for his actions.
“Are you dying?”
He chuckles, and for the briefest moment I’m that seventeen-year-old girl he found crying in a field.Back then, I wanted so badly to believe he was the answer to my prayers.That he’d heal me.
And now, looking at him, seeing him smile so freely, I want to put my faith in him again.I want to believe that there is a shred of decency inside him that makes him want to be better for his son.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not dying.”He pauses, and his brows pinch together.“At least I don’t think I am.”
“Look, Russell, I don’t have time for this.If you’re truly sorry then you’ll change your ways, and realize that action speak louder than words, especially where you’re concerned.Now, if that’s it, I have to get back to work.”
I uncross my arms and turn to walk away when he leans over the bar and grabs my wrist.
“Amelia, wait.”
I yank my arm free.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.“I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.It’s just… you… I…”
“For fuck’s sake, spit it out.”
“I got a new job,” he blurts.I stare at him, waiting for him to elaborate, and I see the mask slip from his face.“It’s good.Real good.I’ll be making double what I made at the paper mill, and I won’t have to worry about my piss coming up clean.I just need some money to float me until I get my first check.You know how it is… bills, rent…they all gotta get paid.”
I still.Just when I think he can’t sink any lower, he proves me wrong, but shame on me for even entertaining him and his sad excuse for an apology.
“And there it is.”I shake my head in disgust.“I should’ve known better.”
He drops his voice.“I’m serious, babe.I just need a couple hundred dollars.I’ll pay you back.”
I bark out a laugh, causing a couple of patrons to glance in our direction.“You still owe me three thousand from the last ‘couple hundred’ you borrowed from me, and six years of child support, but hold on, let me get my checkbook.Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Don’t you get it?This job is going to change everything.I won’t have to ask you for anything anymore, and I’ll be able to throw you some money for Dylan.”He combs his fingers roughly through his hair.“I’m trying to fix things here.”
“Yeah, with my wallet.”I take a step forward.“You have ten seconds to get the hell out of my bar before I call Shadow, and he escorts you out himself.”
“Fuck your cousin.I’m not threatened by him.”
I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone.“Let’s see if that’s true.”
He slams his palm against the bar.“Damn you, Amelia.I’m drowning here.”
My fingers close around the phone, and it takes every ounce of self-control I can muster to not throw it at his fucking face.“I don’t care,” I grind out.“Just like you didn’t care when your son and I were drowning.Instead of pulling us out of the water, you held our heads under.Now, you’re looking for a fucking life raft.Well, you’re shit out of luck, pal.The well is dry.”
Grinding his jaw, he shakes his head.
“This is about farm boy, isn’t it?He got in your head.”
I roll my eyes.“I don’t need anyone to tell me what a loser you are.”
He slides off the stool and violently shoves it against the bar.“What are you going to do when he dumps you?Find some other poor schmuck to lick your wounds?”
“Get out before I have you removed.”
Surprisingly enough, he heeds my warning and storms out, slamming the door so hard the front windows rattle.Heat rushes up chest, and I glance around the bar, noticing all eyes are on me.
Jess appears at my side.“You okay?”
I’m the furthest thing from okay.My hands are shaking and I want to scream because if I scream, then maybe I won’t cry.But I keep my expression neutral and turn my attention to Jess, flashing her a fake smile.
