We could’ve been each other’s anchors.
Then reality sets in, and I remember I was married to another man for half of those years, and even though I have been divorced for quite some time, being friends with Maddox is a terrible idea.A teenage Maddox nearly destroyed me.I’d never survive the man he is now.It’s like the universe hates me or something, because no man should ever look as good or as sinful as he does.Even when he looks like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, he’s still the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“What’s for breakfast?”
The sound of my son’s voice startles me for a moment, and I nearly drop my coffee mug on the floor.Pushing any and all thoughts of Maddox to the back of my head, I turn to face Dylan.
“We don’t have time for anything more than cereal or Pop-Tarts.”
Not nutritious, I know.But the wholefed is bestspiel worked when he was a baby, and I have no reason to believe it won’t work now, especially if I sneak some broccoli into his dinner.
He huffs out a breath.“Fine, I’ll take Pop-Tarts.Do we have any more cherry?I don’t like the other flavors.”
Praying there is at least one sugary cherry pastry left, I open the pantry cabinet.I hit the jackpot, finding a brand-new box behind a can of peas—another small win.He doesn’t like them toasted, so I open the package and place the two pastries on a paper plate before pouring him a glass of milk he probably won’t drink.
“Your dad is going to pick you up from school today,” I say as I place the plate in front of him.He lifts his gaze from the plate and groans.
“Why?”
Well, that definitely isn’t the reaction I was hoping for, but it doesn’t surprise me.My ex-husband is a constant disappointment.We got married because I was pregnant.At the time, I was only seventeen, still heartbroken and full of hormones.Russell convinced me, in a not so nice way, that getting married was the right move.He said nobody would want me, and I believed him all too easily.My aunt, who was my legal guardian back then, signed the papers, and I became Mrs.Cain.
Dylan was born soon after the ink was dry on the marriage certificate, and I discovered Russell didn’t want me either.Well, maybe that’s not entirely true.He wanted sex, but he didn’t want a wife or the responsibility that came with having one, and he sure as hell didn’t want the responsibility of having a child.
He’d leave me with the baby all day and come home late at night.It took me two years past senior year for me to finish high school because he was never around to help.I can count on one hand how many diapers he changed, and the number of feedings is even less.Any time I asked him to do something for Dylan, I was called ungrateful and reminded that he was doing his part.That all the odd jobs he took put a roof over our heads, and food on the table.It didn’t matter that those odd jobs were mostly illegal or that he blew more money than he made on pills and booze.
And don’t even get me started on his gambling addiction.
It wasn’t until Dylan started school that I realized I needed to make a change.I didn’t want my son to go through life thinking his mother was a doormat, and more than that, I didn’t want him to grow up one day and think it was okay for him to treat a woman the same way his dad treated me.
I wanted more for him.
And maybe I wanted more for myself too.I just haven’t really mastered that part of it yet.
Since the divorce, my focus has always been on Dylan.I work two jobs to make ends meet.When I’m not at the bar, I’m holed up here, making handmade soaps and simmer pots I sell at the farmer’s market.I’ve been trying to build a website so I can take orders for shipping, but there is just never enough time in the day, and I struggle with mom guilt.
I know I’m not around as much as I should be.I work too much.But I can’t rely on Russell to pay for child support either.Even if he had a steady income, which he doesn’t, it wouldn’t cover half my bills.So I sacrifice time with my son, already knowing that time is a thief.That these next couple of years, while hard, are so important in shaping a boy into a man, and I fear I’m dropping the ball.
That’s why I asked Russell to pick him up from school a couple of days this week.I figured a subpar parent being present is better than no parent.Not to mention, I still cling to the hope that Russell will wake up one day and see the error of his ways and want to fix all the wrongs he has done when it comes to our son, especially now that he’s clean.
“I have to work at the bar, and your dad wants to spend time with you.Plus you have that vocabulary test tomorrow that you need to study for.He can help you with that.”
Dylan huffs.“Yeah, right.”
Pushing his plate away, he stands from the chair and slings his backpack over his shoulder.“He’s always late, and he never even helps with my homework.I don’t understand why I can’t just get home on my own.All my friends do.”
I sigh.“We’re not having this argument again.If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?”
It’s cliché, and I sound like my grandmother, but I really don’t care.Nor do I care what his friends are doing.Their mothers don’t work crazy hours.They are home to greet their children when they come home from school.Dylan and I don’t have that luxury, and I need peace of mind.
“You’re ridiculous.”
Maybe I am, but there are worse things to be in this world.
“Since you still think I’m a baby and don’t trust me, can Shadow pick me up?”Dylan adds, hopefully.“He promised I could help him work on the motorcycle he’s restoring.”
“It isn’t you I don’t trust, Dylan.It’s everyone else, and I’m not asking Shadow to pick you up when I’ve already arranged for your dad to.”
“Whatever.”He starts for the door.“Don’t be surprised when the principal calls to tell you I’m stranded at school.”
