He crumples to the floor, tearing at his hair like he’s ready to rip them from the follicles. The crash out is loud and real, and even though the cop tries to talk him down, Eddie keep spiraling.
“You’re having a panic attack now. Focus on my voice. Right here. Don’t give her words power.”
But my words are too powerful for both of us. I somehow end up on the floor, crying against my knees as my sobs rip free of my body, every breath painful, my heart barely functioning.
“This is going nowhere. I’m going to remove you from the situation before it gets worse. Ms. Kiplinger, I’m sorry for your loss, but before this escalates into something more, I’m going to get Eddie out of here.”
I don’t acknowledge him. I can’t. Hell, the words barely reach me, muffled beneath the roaring weight pressing against my skull, submitting to the crushing gravity of a world that no longer makes sense.
The door closes with a harrowing click that slices through the room, a small sound that somehow feels final, like abandonment made audible. Silence swallows everything. I’m not sure how long I sit there, minutes bleed into hours, my body hollow, my thoughts spiraling back to the same impossible sentence that my sisterfelloff the top of Rattle Snake Mountain.Fell. As if she simply tripped out of existence.
My chest tightens until breathing feels like drowning, and desperation drives my trembling hands to my phone. I call the only person I have left… Amber. It rings once then twice, and I repeat the motion all over again when she doesn’t answer, desperate for someone to help me through this. Each unanswered ring scrapes at something bitter inside me, feeding the brutal, ugly thought that she should’ve never left, and now I’m even more alone than I was when I walked her to the U-Haul.
When the emptiness becomes unbearable, I switch to my sister’s contact, thumb hovering, heart shattering all over again as her voicemail answers. Her voice, warm and alive and completely unaware that it is now a relic, fills my ears, and I cling to it like a lifeline, calling back before it ends, repeating it again and again, chasing the sound of her hello while everything inside me collapses beyond repair.
They’re gone. Both of them.
I have no one left that cares.
No one who can comfort me.
Except… Wesley.
I shake the crazy thought from my head, refusing to give him power in this moment. There’s only one thing left that can help me, but do I even want to go there?Yes, it’s the only way to overcome this grief without ending it all.
Like a zombie, I rise to my feet, dragging my feet against the cold, unforgiving linoleum until I’m standing in front of my stash, knowing that with it, I can get through this.
My fingers shake as I pull open the secret compartment, and grab two tabs, slipping both onto my tongue.
I’ve never taken two at the same time before.
But I’ve also never cared if I live to see tomorrow.
I’m nothing more than an empty shell.
A void of bleak decay left on this pitiful earth, alone and too damn broken to keep going.
If Wesley were here, he’d try to stop me…
“He’s not here though,” I remind myself, the chaos in my brain taking over. “And you are not okay.” My reflection blinks back at me, crying out for help only I can give her.
It’s the last thing I think about before the numbness takes over… I don’t even remember hitting the floor.
Chapter Fifteen
Wesley
Dear Poppy,
God, I don’t even know where to start.
The last time we saw each other, I blamed you for being in here. We said things that day that still haunt my dreams. I was angry and overwhelmed. All my life, my family has bailed me out of all the fucked-up situations I’ve put myself in. I got so used to not having to face the consequences of my actions that I got cocky, and instead of taking the blame for losing my cool and going too far, I blamed you.
I’m sorry for that.
Had I pulled away sooner, or just let shit go, I’d be out there right now, able to console you.
My heart literally breaks right now as I sit here in my cell and think about everything that’s happened and how alone you must feel. If I could claw through these walls to get to you. I would.
