“Dead? Pippa’s dead?”
I nod, nausea and rage mixing as one. “All because of you and that bastard ex of yours.”
“She died because of me?”
I hate everything about this moment. She doesn’t get to look at me that way. Like I’ve just dropped a bomb on her that she’s actually sorry for. She needs to hold on to her demons and taste them just like I have. “God, Amber, could you be any more pathetic? My sister died because she couldn’t bear to live another day with the guilt of hurting you. She died because she was so in love with your stupid ex fiancée that she chose to jump off Rattlesnake Mountain instead of facing her problems head on.”
Even saying it out loud still feels unreal. Like it’s something you read in a newspaper, instead of it happening to your twin sister.
“I didn’t know… I didn’t—”
Tears instantly appear in my eyes, my emotions already clouding the rage. She sounds somewhat sincere, like she’s actually sorry. She doesn’t get to be sorry. Not for this. Not for anything. “That’s because you didn’t care. You’ve never cared about anyone but yourself. It’s been that way since I met you. Eddie’s just as bad, if not worse. The man used my sister and threw her away like discarded trash, then fucking dropped her when it mattered the most. He’s a cold-hearted asshole, and I hope he fucking dies a painful death.”
Her son whimpers beside her, and for a faint second, I feel guilty, but then it dies. The pain has rotted away too much of me for any softness to survive. It’s about time she realizes what running away has done to everyone. To me especially.
“It’s okay, Gio, she doesn’t mean it.” She consoles him like a mother should, bending down to his level, making sure he’s okay before turning toward me.
“Poor kid. It must really suck to grow up with two shitty parents.” The words fly out of me, almost like it’s someone else saying them instead of me. They’re harsh and vicious, and she instantly snaps.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
Everything happened.
Life happened.
Loss happened.
Amber showing up in my life again happened.
What’s next? Is Wesley going to suddenly appear and save me from myself before it’s too late?The thought slices through my mind unexpectedly, dragging that familiar ache through my chest.He was the only person who ever really looked at me like I was something worth saving.That one is shoved down violently before it can linger any longer.
Not now. There’s too much going on now to think about him.
“I’ve just realized how fucked up life truly is. I’ve grown up, Amber. I don’t look at the sky and see rainbows and sunshine, like I used to. I see darkness and despair, embracing the decay of this cruel world and welcoming it with open arms. The Poppy you know died along with her sister, and now the only thing left is me. Fucked up, full of addictions, and hoping that Death chooses me next.”
“You don’t mean that.”
My body moves forward, only stopping when I can see her breath billowing into the cold night air. “Oh, but I do, and now that you’re home, I’ll be hoping for it even more.”
“Why?” she whispers, wiping another tear off her cheek. “Why would you want to die?”
“Because there’s nothing here for me anymore, Amber. My sister’s gone. My parents hate me. And my best friend chose to abandon me for Italy and didn’t even recognize me when shereturned. Do you know how fucked up that is? For you to look at me and only see her face? Well, that’s not gonna happen anymore. I won’t let it. Get a look while you can, bitch, because the next time you see me, it’ll be in a coffin.”
I shoulder past her, needing the distance before something inside me actually shatters.
She grabs my arm, stopping me mid step. The contact sends a violent jolt through my body; one I immediately reject.
“Poppy, wait! Don’t rush off like this.”
I slap her hand away, the hostility mixing with despair, the spiral creating a tornado I won’t be able to get out of if she doesn’t let me leave. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me.”
“I just don’t want you to do something stupid.”
Everything in me turns cold. My emotions turn off, my fears returning like they’ve only been simmering beneath the skin. She reminds me of the girl I used to be, the girl I can’t return to even if I tried, and that scares the shit out of me. “Go back to Italy, Amber. At least there are people there who actually give a fuck about you. Everybody here wishes you would fuck off and die.”
The words leave my mouth like daggers, even though truth is laced in every damn sentence. Then the tears form, every weak drop tumbling out of me before I can stop them. She has the same tears in her eyes, a mirror of the pain and loneliness we’ve both been feeling since growing apart.
For a second, I fracture, almost giving in to the idea that I could actually welcome her back into my life, realizing quickly that she’d never accept me the way I am.
