Let me be your petty personal assistant.*
Ask Havisham at the bar or scan this QR code to fill out a form, and someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
*I only deal in logical consequences. No random revenge.
“I added that last part,” Havisham said, as if I didn’t remember her words from earlier.
“How is this going to help me?” I asked as Betty passed around cups of coffee and did the Waffle House ritual of napkins with silverware on top for each of us.
Salcedo’s eyes glowed. “You’reLittle Miss Petty, andwe’regoing to help you.”
“This isn’t a job,” I said, “and ‘pettiness’ isn’t something you put on a résumé.”
“But itisa skill,” Havisham said. “And we’ve seen the demand. Remember how easily you made a hundred dollars earlier today?”
I waved away her compliment. “A fluke. Basic private-investigator stuff, along with a fair amount of luck.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Tell her what else you’ve been up to, Salcedo.”
“Well, I did some informal market research,” the younger woman said, “and by that I mean I asked around in the bar and on social media. I already have several potential customers—”
“In the merehourssince we last saw each other?”
“—including the woman you helped earlier.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. She took a picture of the flyer and asked about your services right before we closed up. Said her neighbor might be interested. You gotta strike while the iron is hot. But also ...”
“But also what?”
She scrunched her nose up most adorably, but I felt a sense of foreboding, nonetheless. “I have a confession to make.”
“Dare I ask?”
“You’re kinda going viral? Well, viral-ish?”
“What?”
“I, uh, recorded your interaction with the Douchecanoe, and I may have edited the video down to just the part where you took him down to the ground, and it may have a bunch of views.”
“Daisy Salcedo, you didn’t!”
“I didn’t show your face! I pasted Johnny Lawrence’s head over yours.”
“Karate KidJohnny Lawrence orCobra KaiJohnny Lawrence?”
“Cobra KaiJohnny. Duh.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m not sure that’s better.”
“Someone else got your speech on video. That’s where it all started.”
If I could’ve sunk below the floor, I would have. “Oh, for crying out loud.”
Salcedo cued a video, and I winced as I heard my own words:Only having relationships with younger women won’t keep you from growing older, you sad little man.
“I really dislike the sound of my own voice,” I muttered.
