“Probably gonna be close up,” Nana said as she held up her own pair of readers.
I reached inside and found ... tweezers. “What’s with the multipack?”
“Oh, you’ll need one for your bathroom and one for your car—great natural light to see those chin hairs,” Havisham said. “Maybe a pair for your purse, should you find yourself in a bathroom with especially good lighting.”
I fixed her with a stare. “I don’t think I want to be forty.”
“Too bad. You’re only thirty-nine for another day or so.”
Next, I found sunglasses, sunscreen, a magnifying mirror, retinol, and a cleanser that would help with wrinkles without making acne worse.
Salcedo moaned, “Don’t tell me I’m going to keep getting zits while also getting wrinkles. That’s ridiculous. I thought zits stopped when you became an adult.”
The older women stared her down. I told Salcedo as gently as I could, “I regret to inform you that the acne will continue even if the morale improves.”
“Keep going,” Havisham said.
I had to stand up to reach down into the bag because it was so deep. There I found a giant bottle of ibuprofen, super tampons, a portable neck fan, an eye mask / Bluetooth headphone combo, and a heating pad.
“For the love, is there anythingfunabout being forty?”
“That’s what the next bag is for,” Havisham said.
I turned my attention to a second gift bag, floral this time, and rummaged around inside to find a silk pillowcase.
“Good for your hair and for fighting wrinkles while also being a luxury,” Nana said.
Next, I found deluxe chocolates and CBD gummies. Salcedo laughed. Trace muttered something about calling him if I wanted the good stuff.
“Nice,” I said with a tight smile as I pulled out a T-shirt with a vintage Nancy Drew cover photoshopped to have the titleIt’s Not Voyeurism If You’re Solving Mysteries.
I would’ve loved this shirt a lot more if it didn’t remind me of Ken’s spying, which, in turn, reminded me of Malone. That dull ache behind my breastbone was back, but I kept going through the bag, hoping my smile was still in place.
A bottle of Veuve Clicquot. A gift certificate for a massage. A journal with a sticky note that said, “Start recording all your wisdom—the world will need it.”
“Well, thank you, everyone,” I said as I surveyed the two piles in front of me, some bad but mostly good. Such was life: a grab bag of both. But the thoughtfulness of the presents warmed me from the inside out. “I really don’t know what else to say.”
“Oh, there are a couple of more things in that second bag,” Havisham said with a wicked grin that told me I wanted to leave whatever was at the bottom of the bag right where it was.
With a sigh, I reached past the tissue paper that remained to find ... a vibrator.
I stared her down. “Havisham.”
“Just two more little gifts, Stark. I believe in you.”
With a deep sigh of resignation, I removed the vibrator from the bag and laid it on the table. The women squealed with delight. Trace burst into laughter. Lucius cleared his throat and blushed.
“One more,” Havisham taunted.
Muttering something about getting this over with, I tossed all the remaining tissue paper on the table until I came to a jumbo box of condoms. I placed them gently in the midst of the tissue paper.
Well, I wouldn’t be needing those anytime soon. The vibrator? Inspired gift, that.
“Aurelia, you forgot the lubricant,” Nana said.
My cheeks heated. There was a sentence no one ever wanted to hear from her grandmother. Even Lucius, who might benefit from Nana’s foresight, was studying the Liverpool flag as if it were a Monet.
“I can take care of that,” I said. “In fact, I think I’m as prepared as I’m ever going to be. Thank you, everyone. And please don’t ever buy me sex toys ever again.”
