Chapter 20
My video about Parker went quickly because it was just me speaking and then a few cropped pictures of him holding that morning’s bounty. I awarded him the Outstanding Achievement in Feminine Plumbing Product Acquisition Badge, otherwise known as the True American Hero Badge and the Man Who Actually Follows Instructions from a Woman Badge. I awarded myself the Wise Crone Who Communicates Through Bathroom Doors Badge.
All those titles were entirely too long, but I was feeling punchy about the whole thing and perhaps trying a little too hard, because I kept thinking of Tabitha singing about how she was saving all her love formyhusband, a man I’d wanted to go away but couldn’t quit thinking about now that he actually had.
As I finally got the video to go live, I received a notice that YouTube was taking down my karaoke video because playing the songs violated some kind of copyright thing. I had a few choice words for them, but I would worry about what to do with that video later. The Divorce Badge video had surpassed four million views, but none of my others were anywhere close.
I pushed away my laptop so I could bang my head against the desk. Such violence only exacerbated the headache I had from forgetting to eat lunch because I’d been fiddling with the video.
Face it, Vivian, it’s back to online applications, even if you still haven’t gotten one bite except for the one job that turned out to be a multilevelmarketing scheme. The idea that your channel might be enough was little more than a pipe dream.
YouTube had approved me for monetization at least. I had ads and Google’s AdSense going, but I couldn’t tell how much money I would stand to earn. Based on everything I had researched, I was looking at enough money for another cup of coffee.
My phone rang as I walked into the kitchen. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered anyway because I was hoping it was my long-lost fairy godmother.
“Yes?”
“This is Alavita Hodges fromRise and Shine Atlanta, and I was wondering if you might be available to come on my show next Tuesday.”
“On television?”
She chuckled. “It’s a local morning show, but yes, on television. We’re in fact the top-rated morning show in Atlanta, number one with women aged twenty-five to forty-nine.”
I swallowed hard.Thatwas the very demographic I was trying to reach.
“I’d love to join you.”
“Think you could get some of your Mom Scout pals to come with you? I especially enjoyed the recent karaoke video, and we have a clip of ‘That’s What Friends Are For’ ready to go.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said, not bothering to tell her about my current struggles with that video. Let them get in trouble for copyright infringement. “Tuesday?”
“Yes, ma’am. Tuesday morning, bright and early. We’d like to have you all in makeup at five a.m.”
I gulped.
“Tell you what, I’ll put you down for two people. How about that?”
I mumbled something akin to yes, and the rest of the conversation was Alavita Hodges telling me what to expect and me answering with a yes or no. She gave me the contact information for her secretary, andI started working out how I would talk Rachel and Abi into doing this interview with me.
I’d been off the phone for only ten minutes when it rang again. This time, it was a marketing representative from a new cosmetics company who wanted to fly me and two guests to New York for a free makeover.
They were the people behind the contest Dylan had mentioned. According to Deborah, the marketing representative in question, they thought I would be the perfect candidate for a Makeover Badge, so I’d won their contest.
Having over four million views on a video, as well as my very own meme and GIF, probably didn’t hurt.
I responded with an enthusiastic yes. Only after I’d ended the call did my stomach roil with the fear the whole contest might be a sham.
Vivian, your life can’t be all bad at this point. Try to be a little more trusting. Give Dylan some credit, too. He wouldn’t have signed you up for something shady.
Would he?
I made a note to google the hell out of the company and double-check its reputation after my late lunch. I went into the kitchen, where Mom was stirring a pot of her signature vegetable-beef stew.
“There you are!” she said. “I was beginning to think I would have to force-feed you.”
“You weren’t waiting on me, I hope.”
She didn’t answer. That meant yes.
