And he’d tried to make the sex good for me.
At least I thought he had. What did I know about sex?
It wasn’thisfault I’d been nervous and inexperienced.
“Well,” he said. “I suppose we’ll just have to get married a little sooner than I’d planned.”
I sighed in relief. This was the answer I’d wanted to hear, even if I hadn’t known it.
At this point in the dream, a part of my subconscious needled me with questions of whether my current situation could’ve been avoided if I’d put off marrying Mitch.
Dream Me told Logical Me to back off, and the dream continued with us going to a wedding chapel in the Smoky Mountains.
It was all bliss until the day I woke up with the feeling that something was very, very wrong.
There I lay, in a cold sweat, afraid to wake Mitch but knowing, just knowing.
That was the point where I always woke up, and Sunday morning was no different.
So much for being a fearless, independent woman, Vivian.
Oh, that wasn’t fair, and I knew it. Any woman might have a nightmare about the same thing. What I couldn’t figure out was what happened between that night when my husband took me to the hospital, paced a waiting room to the point that one of the nurses told me hewas wearing a hole in the carpet, then took me home and tucked me in as if I were a porcelain doll and ... now.
Two more miscarriages. Then Dylan. Then one more.
At that point I had thought nothing could tear us apart.
How wrong I’d been.
I took a shower in an attempt to wash away the nightmare.
Deborah was less than enthused to learn that Rachel and Abi had left early, mumbling something about how she’d already paid for our tickets. She did gift me some high-end eyeshadow palettes, though. One of which might be a good gift for Cassidy, maybe a way to say I was sorry for making a video about her and her father?
Then Deborah led me through Times Square, expertly guiding me past off-brand characters and through throngs of tourists. My opinion of Times Square did not improve with daylight.
From there, we visited Ellis Island, and I modeled their Lady Liberty green eyeshadow. I also bought a snow globe with the Statue of Liberty inside for Parker. Who knew if it was something he’d be interested in, but it would give me an excuse to see him for what would hopefully be a better apology.
After a late lunch, we rushed to the Empire State Building, where I modeled their Empire silver eyeshadow while the wind whipped hair in my face. On our way down, she said, “Your friends are a bit flaky, huh?”
“No, not at all!” The words came out as a knee-jerk reaction, but what was I supposed to say next?My kindergarten teacher friend is in trouble for being in a video with alcohol, and my private detective friend suffers from anxiety, possibly agoraphobia?Nope. I needed to keep that to myself. “They had to rearrange their schedules to be able to travel under such short notice, and some things didn’t go according to plan back home.”
“But you, Vivian? Are you flaky?”
What kind of question was this? “Beg your pardon?”
“We have been thinking about extending a sponsorship to you, but there’s some concern that you might not hold up your end of the bargain.”
“I always hold upmyend of the bargain,” I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“Good.” Deborah smiled widely. “I’m hoping we get to work with you again in the future, then.”
“I’d like that,” I said softly.
Sure, the Busy Mom mascara smudged a bit, and the concealer didn’t conceal as much as one might hope, but I liked the idea behind the company and, well, the idea of a sponsorship.
That would add a little cushioning to whatever job I found. Assuming I ever found a job.
If I’d hoped for any more business talk, I was destined to be disappointed. Deborah dragged me around to so many sights that I’d have to consult my pictures to remember where I’d been.
