He will shoulder part of it without hesitation. Without complaint.
And whatever this fragile, growing thing between us is will change shape under the weight.
I am not ready to watch something tender become heavy.
So I choose silence.
Just for now.
And I hope tomorrow will feel easier.
Even though I know it won’t.
Chapter Sixteen
Sophia
By the fourth morning, I can’t pretend I’m just taking space anymore.
I’ve been hiding in my quarters, drowning in research though I can’t focus, and pretending I’m not falling apart.
Blackwell’s last email sits flagged in my inbox, making my stomach twist. I’m too afraid to open it, too afraid to confirm or deny whatever is going on.
My parents haven’t called, though I half-expect it. Even in silence, their voices echo: Be strategic. Don’t create problems. Don’t damage your career before it begins.
Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe this is normal academic collaboration. But something in me refuses to let it go.
My email notification chimes.
My breath stutters.
I expect my mother. Or another administrative reminder.
It isn’t.
It’s a Google Scholar alert dated today, August 3, and labeled early access, so it’s about something that’s not officially in print yet.
New Publication:Collaborative Frameworks in Gladiatorial Psychology: Centering Lived Expertise in Historical Trauma ResearchAuthor: Dr. Patricia BlackwellJournal of Classical Studies—Early Access
My hands go numb and for a moment, all I see is brightness.
I click automatically, because my body knows how to move even when my thoughts can’t keep up.
The article loads.
And the world tilts.
It’s mine. My ideas. My language. My framework.
Every insight I nurtured here at Second Chance—my previous months of conversations with Flavius, my continuing work with the other gladiators, the crowd maps, the trauma-regulation sequences—woven straight into her paper.
I scroll, heart thudding: “Gladiators as lived-experience trauma experts.” “Collaborative cognitive mapping.” “Embodied expertise as a methodological foundation.”
My phrasing. My concepts.
Then the acknowledgments:“I am grateful to Dr. Sophia Vitale for her preliminary fieldwork at Second Chance Sanctuary, which provided valuable data for this analysis.”
Preliminary fieldwork. Valuable data.
