And I realize I want something from him that has nothing to do with Cody, investigations, or the chaos consuming my life.
I want something steady.
I lean in, testing what he’ll do. He watches me, so I test further and press my lips against his.
I’m kissing him.
He kisses me back — careful, controlled, like he's afraid of breaking something fragile.
It deepens. My hand finds the front of his shirt, fingers curling into the fabric. His hand cups the back of my neck, thumb stroking along my jaw.
For a moment, everything else falls away. There's just the warmth, the contact, the simplicity of wanting someone and being wanted back.
Then he pulls away.
Not abruptly. But definitively.
"Not like this," he says, his voice rough.
I blink at him, confused. "What?"
"I don't want to be your rebound." He's still close enough that I can feel his breath. "I don’t want to be the thing you use to survive him. Even for a second."
The words hit harder than any rejection I've ever experienced.
Because he's not saying no.
He's saying not yet.
He's saying when this happens, I want it to mean something.
I look at him and understand what he's offering me. Respect. Patience. The space to figure out who I am outside of Cody before I dive into something new.
"You're not," I say quietly.
His eyes search mine. "Not what?"
"A rebound." I hold his gaze, letting him see the truth in it. "You're not a replacement or a distraction. You're..."
I don't have the words yet. I don't know how to articulate what he's become in the span of a few days.
But for the first time since this nightmare started, I mean what I'm saying.
He matters. Not because of what he can do for me or how he makes me forget.
But because of who he is when everything else falls away.
Beckett's thumb traces along my cheekbone, and something in his expression softens.
"Okay," he says finally.
For the first time since Cody collapsed, I feel like I’m choosing something instead of reacting to it.
Chapter 20: Beckett
Ileaveherapartmentat nine-thirty, the words she said still echoing in my head.
You're not.
