"What do you mean?"
I search his eyes, not knowing if I can tell him the full truth. "Ever since I watched those videos, I don't really care what happened to Cody anymore. My questions vanished." I pause. "And then he woke up, and I'm ready to break up with him. I want to move on."
Beckett goes still.
"You're planning to do that?"
I nod. "I think it's time. We were together for two years. I know he filmed those while we were together."
Beckett looks at the ceiling. "Do you still love him?"
I take that into consideration. Last night was comforting in its own way. "I think I always will." I pause. "But isn't that what everyone says?"
He shakes his head.
I look up at him. "No? You don't have a first love, Beck?"
Something moves across his face. He smiles and doesn't answer directly, which is an answer.
"Tell me about her."
He shakes his head. "You don't want to know what happened."
"I do," I say quietly.
He traces my spine with one finger. "I met her during a tough time. I didn't think she'd be interested in me at all. But the firsttime I saw her—" He stops. Something in his face when he says it. Something unguarded. "I just knew."
"Did she feel the same?"
"I think so. Maybe not the first time we met, but later." He kisses my forehead. "Definitely later."
"What happened?"
"She needed space." He stops.
"Was this in high school?" I ask.
He laughs, pulling me closer. "Let's talk about you."
"Me?"
He nods. "Do I get more of you after you break it off?"
I think about that for a second.
He rolls his eyes. "Seriously? You have to think about it?" He looks at me. "Is there someone else?"
My stomach does something sharp and specific.
I don't answer.
He reads my face. Something moves through his but he lets it settle.
"Let me get through the breakup first," I tease.
He kisses my cheek and leaves his mouth there for a moment. "Okay."
I smile against his shoulder. "You know…you're not what I thought you'd be."
