“Help me get her on the table,” Mael demanded.
“Having trouble controlling your pet, boy?” Master joked, and all the grown men laughed while the rest of us looked at each other. We all knew it was meant to anger Mael even more by humiliating him, degrading him in front of everyone.I didn’t want to hear or see what he’d do to her next. I lowered my head, knowing it would only get worse from there on. The sound of more punches filled the air, mixing with her sobbing and begging for him to stop until her words became indistinguishable.
It was like peeking at a car crash. I couldn’t help wanting to know what was happening, but every time I looked, the scene only got more depraved.
Her weakened body was carried up the steps then tied to the table, naked. I looked away when Mael climbed onto the table and her haunting scream filled the room. As usual, it happened pretty fast.
“What are you—Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”
The screeching scratched at the walls of the room and gashed my soul. I didn’t want to see, hear, or know that anyone was being put through this, but why was her torture killing me when I had witnessed so many others?
“No. It… hurts… S-stop! Sh-stop! Stoppppppppppp!” she screamed and wailed. “Get off me! Get off me!” For the longest time, I had to stand there, hearing her call his name over and over again. Her cries carried and presented her intentions clearly to me. When it changed from defiance to desperation and then to seeking comfort, it tore me apart. We called it “the breaking.”
I couldn’t breathe and the earth swirled.
Why was it breaking me too?
I wanted to die.
“Killiiiiaaaannnn! Help me! Someone help me.”
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Killian yelled while sobbing uncontrollably.
Scanning around me, I wondered who would dare say something to stop this. But everyone, the men, the other boysaround my age, they all ignored me. The terror had me almost panting.
No one’s going to stop this?Although they knew I was looking at them, they didn’t turn to me. They either kept watching or lowered their gazes to the floor. She sounded like she was choking, trying to speak but only strange sounds came out of her. In the meantime, Mael grunted and groaned loudly and deep. I couldn’t accept that they would do nothing. The nausea wasn’t the only thing attacking me. My mind was on fire. I was losing my soul.This can’t be.Someone do something!
Could I survive this?I was used to watching the boys get ripped apart, but not a girl. “Stop. Mael, stop!” She wailed and begged. It was obvious this was her first time being handled by an animal like Mael. Somehow, I could only hear the two of them even though the pet kept screaming across the room. The bile climbed up the back of my throat, so I took the largest gulp of breath I could, looking down, and closed my eyes, but it did nothing. I needed the sound of her to disappear. Every cell in my body screamed for me to do something to save her, but that would’ve just ended my life.
“Shut the fuck up!” Mael screamed at her after his slap reverberated through the place. Her weeping was no longer that of a normal little girl. I recognized the brokenness, helplessness, and desperation. It made me want to hold her in my arms and soothe her to an eternal sleep so she’d never have to witness or feel what men were capable of doing—what she would experience tonight. It was the continuous gutting of an small innocent wild animal. Every sound coming out of her gashed my soul. I found myself wincing and my body clenching tight until it shook violently. Thank God for the robe covering me, for the darkness. If they saw how badly I was handling this, they’d knock me out with a pipe to my head or something worse, maybe add me as an extra meal on the table.Fuck! Come on, pullyourself together. She’s no one. We need to survive tonight, just tonight!
I wished over and over again I could be anywhere but there, and tried to at least disconnect my mind, but she wouldn’t let me. Her “No’s,” weeping, and wailing wouldn’t release me.
My whole body readied to bolt to her, to rescue her, but something froze me in place. No matter how much I fought, I couldn’t move. Usually, I could disconnect, but not this time. This time, I was reliving my breaking.
My robe was scalding hot, and the air in the room was too thick. I was sweating profusely. Anything would’ve been better than continuing to endure witnessing this hell. It only worsened as she slowly lost all her fight and could only whisper the very same name she’d been screaming, weeping, praying, and begging for all night—Killian. And like every prayer ever, it served no comfort or solution. Like every pet before, including myself, Killian was just as helpless, doomed to watch her suffer.
Mael groaned with each movement. At first, it was for show, but then it changed. The pitch increased and filled to the brim with anxiousness, as if he were chasing the undeniable pleasure he was getting from it. He’d never sounded like this in any of the other meals. It was clear he was enjoying this one.
It intensified my nausea.
A million times, I wished I could climb the walls and get the fuck out of there. I ground my teeth, biting at the inside of my cheek, and buried my nails into my palms, using the pain as a distraction. A memory of the first time Master broke me flashed through my mind.No!I almost screamed, not wanting to fall into that hellish part of my memory. Not only would they beat me for making a sound, but I had to be strong for her. This was her moment, not mine. Besides, anything disturbing the meal would only elongate this night for her.
“You’re hurting me. S-stop. Please stop!” she yelled, devolving into a sob.
I bit at my lower lip, using the pain to stay there, to stay grounded. It hurt to hear her sound just as helpless as I had been that time and every time after.
This is not happening. It’s not happening.I tried to lie to myself, but tears were already brimming my eyes. If anyone asked me a question, I wouldn’t have been able to talk because they were drowning me. Unsuccessfully, I blocked the thought that it would soon be my turn with her. The vomit rose to my throat, but I swallowed it. There was nothing else I could do.
“Ahhhhhhhh!”
Mael’s groans got louder and louder, rumbling through his body like some savage beast in the wild, and she wailed, begging for mercy. I had to do something, so I moved a few steps.
“Magdalena!” the pet screamed at the top of his lungs. When she turned to him, it was the first time I’d gotten a glimpse of her face. One of her eyes was already too swollen for her to open, but there were still tears streaming down both cheeks, and her nose was red. “I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you. Nothing will ever change that,” he sobbed, and when her only response was a grimace accompanied by a tear, he added, “I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Watching her, took my breath away, so I turned my attention to Killian. It was obvious he was trying to pull the rusted iron bars out of the ground, but those things were a few meters deep in concrete. None of us—not myself, not even Mael—had been able to move them at all when it had been our turn to be in there. “Look at me. Forget him. Look at me,” he said to her, with tears falling fast from his eyes and trailing down his cheeks.
He was going through all the stages of grief. Denial had been when he thought there was any possibility Mael could love anyone. That was quite the deep level of delusion. In his anger,he’d threatened everyone in the room. And now he was feeling guilty for her fate and apologizing. “I’m so sorry, Angel, I’m… so… sorry,” he sobbed.
